Recently, it occurred to me that there's a lot of advice out there on how to give praise and positive feedback to a hard worker, but very little advice on how to receive these morale-boosting messages.

Accepting praise can make many people feel shy and uncomfortable – often because, even when we feel proud of our achievements, we don't want to appear egotistical.

Rather than accepting praise with polite grace, we'll often sheepishly reject the compliment, or even deny it entirely, changing the conversation as quickly as possible. After all, no one likes a bragger.

Responding With Denial and Deflection

This is exactly how I felt at my dad’s 50^th birthday party, just a few days after I had received my university results.

My parents were so proud of me that, on arrival, every single guest already knew my grades. As the party went on, dozens of people I didn’t know greeted me with warm, heartfelt congratulations. It was as if they were there to celebrate me!

I was baffled and a little overwhelmed by so much unexpected praise – especially from strangers!

Concerned about stealing my dad’s spotlight, and also starting to wilt under the sustained praise, I tried to deflect the kind compliments and blend into the background. I joked that the examiner must have been in a very generous mood when she marked my paper, and that I was just "lucky."

To say anything else would be narcissistic, I thought. My impressive grades had absolutely nothing to do with my three years’ hard work and dedication, I assured everyone. Pure coincidence.

There seems to be an unwritten rule (particularly in British culture) that the moment you accept praise is the moment you stop deserving it. It’s better to appear overly modest than overly self-confident… right?

Why Do We Reject Praise?

Praise can tap into many of our insecurities and worries.

Few of us wish to appear vain and immodest. We may worry that our accolade will provoke envy in others. Or, we might feel that the achievement has been exaggerated or overblown – OK, I did well, but it wasn’t that special or important!

In the workplace, there’s the fear that with praise might come extra work and higher expectations. Now that your boss has seen how competent you are, they’re going to pile on the pressure!

Praise might also reinforce the sense of being an impostor. Many people feel like they’re a fraud and live in fear that one day they'll be "found out."

Balancing Pride and Vanity

But, whatever our reasons, deflecting praise can also be perceived as arrogant, and even make our modesty seem little more than a pretense.

Imagine that your co-worker just completed an ultra-triathlon. Their family, friends and colleagues applaud them, but they just shrug it off like it was a walk in the park. Does this attitude seem to undermine the efforts and strain of the other participants, or imply that your co-worker believes that they possess the stamina of a comic-book superhero?

Finding the right balance between pride and vanity is the key to accepting praise gracefully. We needn’t fear what comes after praise: quite often, praise is simply its own reward, and respect is the only thing that follows.

Typically, it’s not the flattery itself that makes us feel bashful, but our own overthinking. If we dare to permit ourselves to enjoy a compliment, we may find it’s not so challenging after all!

Creating a Praise Culture

A major contributor to our inhibitions around accepting praise is the culture of "constructive criticism."

In every one-on-one meeting or annual appraisal, we’ve all come to expect the dreaded "but" after hearing what we’ve done well. We’re more accustomed to hearing what we need to improve, rather than unqualified praise.

How comfortable we feel when receiving recognition is also dependent on how it’s given – an announcement in front of 40-something co-workers (or party guests!) is enough to make any introvert shiver!

I’ve experienced the difficulties of celebrating achievement in many of my jobs. Having an "Employee of the Month," for example, can help to normalize praise in the workplace and generate motivation, but I’ve also seen how it can spark envy and competition.

A more relaxed approach to praise is having a "kudos" channel on a messaging platform. This allows everyone to share their gratitude toward other members with a little more intimacy and discretion.

But, ultimately, methods like these lack the impact of face-to-face praise. So, how can we accept praise in the right way?

Responding With Grace

Looking back, the affection I received at the party was humbling – people I hardly knew were showering me in admiration because they were genuinely impressed and pleased for me.

My degree hadn’t helped them in any way so there was no obligation to comment, but they still cared enough to say "well done." It was the sincerity that really touched me and made me feel like I had accomplished something spectacular.

Instead of dismissing the praise, I should have commented on how kind they were for noticing, or how pleased I was with my achievement.

Another good option is to "forward" praise – perhaps other people played a part in your success and deserve to share the attention. If you’re still lost for words, a simple "thank you" is the best way to go.

Own Your Strengths

There is absolutely no shame in accepting praise. Genuine messages of admiration are only voiced to those who have earned them.

Someone saying, "You did really well," or, "We couldn’t have done it without you," has the power to boost your self-esteem and make you feel an inch taller.

Not only do the words carry a message of gratitude and recognition, but the thought behind them shows that your efforts are appreciated and not going unnoticed.

So, the next time you get the recognition you deserve, don't hide your pride – own your strengths and try to enjoy the moment. You deserve it!

If you liked this blog, you may be interested in the following resources:

How Do You Take Pride at Work?
Getting Feedback
Celebrating Achievement
Self-Sabotage
How Self-Confident Are You?
Boost Your Self-Esteem Video

About the Author:

Alice Gledhill commissions, plans and writes many of our blogs. An Assistant Content Editor, she also makes videos and infographics, as well as handling the many requests we get to reuse our content. A restless learner, Alice is currently doing a master’s degree in media, ethics and social change. Away from work, she’s happiest when she’s spending time with friends, roller-skating, or playing Lady Gaga at top volume.

The post Accepting Praise – How to Own Your Achievements appeared first on Mind Tools.

Maybe that's why business writers reach so readily for sporting metaphors. Sport and business seem to have much in common. They both value competition, leadership, strategy, and tactics. Articles about the motivational skills and tactical know-how of elite coaches are everywhere. And they're often in highbrow business publications.

But not everyone agrees that sport and business make such a great match. In his 2017 Harvard Business Review article, Bill Taylor took aim at some of these assumptions, and pointed out a couple of major league differences:

1: There Can Only Be One Winner in Sports

Sports are usually zero-sum. There are winners and losers. Even in sports that allow for ties, like soccer, there's only one champion in the end.

Taylor points out that business isn't like that, and certainly shouldn't be. In any industry, there are opportunities for a wide range of different organizations. And the ones that succeed will be the ones that focus first on their customers, not their competitors.

2: Sports... No I in Team?

What about the talent? Taylor characterizes the elite sports locker room as "a collection of mercenaries ruled by a tyrant." It's a harsh verdict, but self-interest is inevitable. The average NFL career is less than three years. Players have to look after number one, even in a collaborative setting.

Add to this the fact that in team sports, most customers – the fans – actively dislike their team's CEO and management most of the time.

Sounds like a pretty toxic mix for any business, even one that commands unusual levels of customer loyalty.

A Coach's View

But does it have to be this way? After all, Taylor is talking about elite sports, played and run by millionaires. What about the grass roots?

We asked Simon Hulcoop about that. Simon is Mind Tools' Head of Sales for Europe, the Middle East and Africa. He's a busy man, but, in his spare time, he coaches Southwater Royals, an under-14 girls' soccer team, and a "Wildcats" group aged five to 11.

So you coach a young women's football team. What's that like?

"Seeing them grow, develop and have fun playing football with their friends is something I really enjoy. One of the best parts of the role is seeing them come together as a team and support each other.

"It's also great to see them put into practice the things we've worked on and talked about during training. I'm lucky enough to have a fantastic bunch of girls that listen and give 100 percent in every game, which is fantastic to see!"

What skills do you need to be a successful sports coach?

"Good leadership skills, the ability to stay calm, and patience. You need to adapt to the different ways your players listen and learn, communicate clearly and, most importantly for me, always be passionate and positive!

"Being someone the team looks up to and respects is important too. You're the key person, communicating instructions and sometimes making difficult decisions. So you need to be someone they trust."

Has your role as football coach taught you anything that has been useful in your career?

"Never give up and keep working hard. On several occasions the girls have been losing and come back to win the game. So we might have tried different formations or instructions from the sidelines.

"It's the same in the workplace. I've hit stumbling blocks with deals or not been able to get through to the right people. But being patient and working hard always pays off."

Do you use the same coaching style to guide both of your teams, or different approaches?

"There are a lot of similarities. One of the biggest things is to be adaptable. Whether they're an adult or 13-year-old girl, everyone learns in different ways. So you need to adapt your approach.

"Also, listening and providing feedback are key skills in both. I don't always give them the answer. I guide them through the problem or challenge, whether that's a tactical soccer problem, or responding to objections about a product after a sales call."

What's more rewarding – your football team winning a big game, or your sales team winning a big client?

"I'm competitive, so both of those are up there for me. Actually for some of the same reasons.

"The joy on the players' faces when they've won a big game, and the grin of a salesperson when they close a deal – for me both are rewarding. But I might shout a little louder when the team wins a match!"

Bill Taylor's article claims business has little to learn from sports about competition and success, from talent and teamwork, value and values. What's your take on that?

"I believe that sports – especially soccer – teach us a lot that we can take into other areas of life. Being able to fail, and learn from setbacks, is one of the biggest for me. My team has learned so much from losing tight games against good teams. They've gone on to be stronger. If it's too easy, you learn nothing.

"Teamwork is another big one. Sport really encourages collaboration, another important skill to have and use throughout your life.

"Finally, one of the biggest things I've seen sport do is build self-confidence. Many girls come to the club nervous and lacking belief. But, through coaching and positive feedback, they end up loving the game, and booming with confidence. You need to be confident in different ways and at different times throughout your life, so this is a big positive."

Sports: More Than Just Games People Play

So there you have it. Elite sport and grassroots sport inhabit different worlds. One's cutthroat and zero-sum; the other's full of positives for learning, resilience, collaboration, and self-confidence.

Well, maybe. How about this: "We really analyze our opponents and talk about what their patterns, strengths and weaknesses are, if they have any. Then we say, 'What are our strengths? What do we need to do to harm them?'"

Analysis, collaboration, communication, self-confidence. That's Sarina Wiegman, coach of the England Women's Soccer Team. In July, they became the European Champions. It's an achievement that still eludes their male counterparts.

So perhaps elite sport doesn't have to be the way Bill Taylor describes it – particularly if it's played by women. Maybe it does still have some value for business leaders.

For a further angle on this, check out "Winning Together" by Helen and Kate Richardson-Walsh. It's a book with plenty to say about team building, collaboration, confidence – and winning.

And if you're keen to find out more about effective coaching, read our other blog, "What Makes a Great Coach? – 5 Essential Qualities."

What lessons, if any, can business learn from sports? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

The post Sports Coaching Business Lessons appeared first on Mind Tools.

Yet performance conversations – whether one-off feedback sessions or regular reviews – can be incredibly powerful, leaving both manager and team member feeling positive and energized.

How Do You Discuss Performance?

Anna Wildman (pictured above) is an expert in performance conversations at work, but knows how uncomfortable they can be.

In her book, "Now You’re Talking! The Manager’s Complete Handbook to Leading Great Conversations at Work – Even the Tough Ones," she offers a clear framework for holding a range of targeted conversations, with tips and insight to make them a success. 

I spoke to Wildman for my Mind Tools Expert Interview podcast, and she told me about the three main dynamics of a performance conversation: the process, the message and the words.

Here's a clip from that interview, in which she explains those dynamics, and dispels the myth of the perfect performance management system. Instead, she asserts the opportunity (and responsibility) faced by individual managers.

Wildman declares this opportunity "good news" for managers everywhere!

Demoralizing and Undermining Performance "Conversations"

I’m reminded of a performance conversation a friend of mine had in an annual review.

I say "conversation," but I don’t think there was much interaction going on. She received a checklist of her activities and attitudes, graded by her boss. Inexplicably, she’d scored very low in some areas. 

She asked why, and was told that, if she wasn’t happy with the scores, she could appeal them by contacting HR.

So this unique relationship between my friend and her boss, which was crucial to the smooth-running of a large and busy communications team, would end up in the hands of someone who knew neither of these people well. 

Always a conscientious high-achiever, my friend felt bewildered and resentful, and before too long, she found another job. If her boss had led her annual review differently, she might still be there, contributing to her team’s success. 

Partnership Not Confrontation

As Wildman says, how the manager handles a performance conversation is "by far and away the most important part." And this has led her to develop her CEDAR Model of Collaborative Feedback, providing an all-important "pathway through: where do I start, where do I need to go next, and so on."

Here, CEDAR is an acronym.

C stands for Context, which frames the topics being discussed, providing a helpful perspective. E is for Examples, because "without examples and illustrations, it’s hard for people to know exactly what you mean." This would have helped my friend understand her low scores. 

The third step is Diagnosis, which Wildman believes is "the single most important step of all. It’s definitely one where the manager stops talking." The focus shifts to the individual, who the manager invites to analyze the situation.

Next comes A for Action. What needs to be done to correct the problem or do things better next time? Then finally, R for Review, where you agree how and when you are going to follow up. 

Download our free infographic about Anna Wildman's CEDAR^TM Model.

It’s clear that this five-step process could help identify and resolve a range of workplace issues. But it’s also great for positive conversations. Some managers might think a hearty "Great job!" does the trick, but with Wildman’s CEDAR model the benefits of a job well done can be manifold. 

Diagnosing the Roots of Bad (and Good) Performance

The magic happens in the second half of the CEDAR conversation, from D for Diagnosis. The manager helps the individual reflect on their success, by asking questions like: How did you do it? What capabilities did you use? Who did you talk to? What strengths do you have? 

That will "get them thinking about the behaviors that they use, the competencies they use, and what they do that helps that to be a successful area for them," Wildman says. 

From there, it’s a small step to thinking about how to harness those positives to go even further, in the Action step of CEDAR. For example, the individual could coach other team members in their strong skills. The final Review step will put a date in the diary to talk about how this has gone. 

Wildman shares an apt saying that captures the power of this approach: "Once you’ve nailed it then scale it. Scaling it means helping people to understand both the meaning and the significance of what they do well... the impact it’s having on both the unit and the organization as a whole." 

What’s more, "it can also be a really great way of helping people to see where to start directing their career, if they understand which capabilities are their real strengths," Wildman says.

That’s so much more valuable than a scorecard – or even a pat on the back. 

Listen to More of Anna Wildman

Mind Tools Club members and Mind Tools for Business licensees can listen to the full 30-minute interview with Anna Wildman, with transcript.

If you're not already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club now and gain access to 2,400+ resources, including our back catalogue of 200+ Expert Interviews. To find out more about Mind Tools' enterprise solutions, book a demo.

Your Performance Conversations

What was your most memorable performance conversation at work and why? Share your experiences in the comments below!

The post Talking About Performance - My Expert Interview With Anna Wildman appeared first on Mind Tools.

Productivity research shows that workers are most productive in the autumn, once they're back from their summer vacation. But what about right now? What better time is there to set some goals to motivate yourself and your team?

Organizations can take a fresh look at defining their objectives and breaking down how they'll achieve them. Meanwhile, employees can set individual targets for what they want or need to get done over the next stretch of time.

Goals are a great way to measure progress, define priorities, and expand a knowledge area or skill you're passionate about. But it's so easy to think about what we want to achieve in ambitious, nebulous terms rather than defining the specifics. How do we set goals that matter? How can we make sure that we achieve what we set out to do?

Take our quiz, How Good Is Your Goal Setting? and then read on to discover how you can make your goals SMART – and use them to energize yourself.

SMART Goals Examples

George T. Doran pioneered the SMART goal setting approach in 1981. SMART can stand for a few slightly different sets of words, but Mind Tools uses the primary terms outlined below. Our SMART Goals article has more advice on this type of goal setting.

In short, SMART goals are concrete objectives that make sense in your real-life context. So how can we use them today?

The specific aspect of the SMART framework is about being detailed. Rather than aiming to "write some blog posts" this quarter, I might set a goal detailing the blog posts I'll write, what they'll focus on, and where and when they'll be posted.

Setting a measurable goal involves putting a number to your goal. How many blog posts will I write? What dates and deadlines am I aiming for?

An achievable goal must be something within your capacity to do, taking scope, resources and abilities into account. Let's say I want to create video content but have never done so before. I might need training before putting a video together, and I'll likely not be starting with an hour-long montage!

Relevant goals are ones that matter to you and connect to your context. I might want to learn line dancing, but that's unlikely to be an appropriate goal for my job. A more relevant goal might relate to my organization's overall objectives.

Time-bound goals, like measurable ones, take numbers into account. In this case, it's the timeline and a clear end date. Quarterly goals are one example of this, as they're typically accomplished within a set amount of time (the quarter).

Along with making sure that my goals are SMART, I've found that the following considerations are also important when setting goals at work.

Balancing Business and Personal Development

When setting your own goals within an organization, consider both your own development and the company's overall aims. What do you want to learn? On the other hand, what does the organization (or your team) aim to achieve? What skills can you offer to help them do this? Seek out overlaps between the two lists – between what you want and what the organization wants.

Some organizations differentiate between goals related to personal development, such as learning to use a new form of software, and individual goals related to company aims, such as helping to make sales or create new products. When setting your own goals, try to address both domains. It's important both to support your team and to continue growing and learning.

Sense Check

When setting goals, it helps to bounce ideas off others who know you well. You might discuss goals with your team or manager before finalizing them. Other people offer fresh ideas and a reality check when needed.

Some goal-setting processes have feedback baked in. But if your process is more solitary, try seeking out others to collaborate with and learn from.

Wishing you the best of luck with your goal setting!

What SMART goals will help to re-energize you? What else can you do to get over the mid-year motivation slump? Share your ideas in the comments below!

The post Using SMART Goals to Re-Energize Yourself appeared first on Mind Tools.

So I knew, as soon as I read the title, that Kim Scott's book, "Radical Candor," was going to force me to take a long, hard look at my relationship with the truth. Scott's model treads a line between what she calls Obnoxious Aggression and Ruinous Empathy, hence the Radical Candor of the title.

Being entirely honest sounds like a straightforward proposition. But it's human nature to assess how the whole truth will land first, before daring to speak it. Before opening my mouth, I may ask, "Is it safe to speak the truth? What if I annoy or anger someone? What if I lose my listener's respect, or worse still, lose my job?" In short, what if I don't get what I want?

On a Hiding to Nothing

Take the simplest and perhaps most frequent question we get asked, "How are you?" Sometimes the questioner really does want to know if we're in good health. Other times, the person is just breaking the ice before moving on to the real topic of conversation.

In my former years, I'd rarely tell the truth in answer to this question. Instead, I tended to hide my true feelings beneath a facade of confidence and competence. I wanted you to believe that I was robust, resilient and doing well, all of the time. I wanted to hide any sign of weakness.

This was especially the case at work.

I used to work as a news reporter, assigned to politics and big breaking stories like bomb attacks and earthquakes. Often, I toiled through the night or travelled across time zones, ignoring my need to rest.

Trust in a Radical Solution

I was exhausted and stressed, sometimes in tears. But if a boss asked me how I was doing, I'd tell them I was doing fine. And I'd tell them I was on top of the story, even if I was way behind. Why? Because I wanted to save face and I didn't want to provoke their disapproval or anger. I especially didn't want them to think that I wasn't up to the job.

But as Scott describes in her book, avoiding the truth often backfires. My bosses had no idea that I was burning out at work, until the day I called in sick. My burnout led to several months off work. By not telling the truth, my health suffered, my manager was denied the opportunity to support me, and my sick leave cost my company money.

Looking back, I didn't tell the truth because I didn't trust that I'd be heard, supported, or that my job would be safe. And this connects with one of the most important messages in Scott's book – that we need to build relationships based on trust. We need to do that in order to have frank conversations. Those frank conversations, in turn, lead to greater trust. It's a virtuous circle.

Safe Spaces Give Room to Grow

Scott's model provides a framework for these open conversations that build trust. Her radical candor concept is designed to help leaders strike the right balance, between caring for their employees as people and challenging them to do their best work. About always being direct but neither too hard nor too soft.

And it works both ways. Leaders need to be open to feedback, and team members need to feel that it's safe to say what's on their mind.

Looking back at my time in the corporate world, I didn't feel safe to share my vulnerabilities. I now see that this was both an internal and external problem. Internally, I was rigorously self-reliant following an unstable childhood; externally, I didn't feel there was much tolerance for weakness in the media industry back then.

An Honest Day's Work

I left my job 13 years ago and things have changed since then. Authentic leadership and vulnerability have become buzz words. Leaders are encouraged to bring their whole selves to work, to show that they're human beings not just human doings. With personal lives, strengths, and weaknesses, as Scott writes in her book.

If they can do this, they'll be more relatable and approachable, and those around them will feel free to have radically candid conversations. Including being honest about the fact that they're not coping with their workload or that they're heading for burnout.

This is when Scott's vision of an organization in which people feel able to speak truth to power, love their work, and love each other, becomes a real possibility.

Downloading Our "Radical Candor" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Premium Club member or corporate user, download or stream the "Radical Candor" Book Insight review now.

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licencing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

Do you find it easy to be honest with yourself and with those around you? Ever wished you had been more honest? Join the discussion below and let us know

The post Radical Candor – The Truth Doesn't Always Need to Hurt appeared first on Mind Tools.

Some of your experiments work, some don't. Some even hurt. But if you learn the right lessons, experimenting is how you grow.

Test the Water, Fight the Fear of Failure

But as adults, experimenting can feel like a much riskier business. Trying out a new approach might make things a bit better. Then again, it might also make them worse. And if something ain't broke… why invite the jeopardy of trying to fix it?

Organizations can't afford to stand still, though – especially in times of crisis and change. So how can we try out new things and ensure that we learn useful lessons, without putting everything on the line?

Ill-Judged Experiments Can Test You

In many of the places I've worked, the approach to innovation has been one of "testing it by doing it."

Like the time I was at a radio station, where the bosses were determined to make big changes. Unfortunately, they decided to do all their experiments at once. So we recorded new jingles, redid our logo, altered show times, and completely revamped the playlist. But the overall feedback was terrible, and audience figures plummeted.

Not all the results were negative, though. It was just that there was no way to unpick the successes and failures from within all the different things we'd done.

And with no means of pulling back on anything, we just kept pushing forward, making even more changes. That was until enough damage had been done. Before long, the whole station had to be dismantled, and the company was back at square one.

More Lessons in How Not to Experiment

There were similar problems when I worked in elementary schools. There, new ideas about assessment systems, support schemes or teaching styles were often based on people's instincts, or the desire to chase trends. Then tested on everyone at once.

We had little hope of understanding the impact. We didn't know how things would have gone if we'd done nothing. And when things didn't work as hoped, we'd usually come so far from our previous ways of operating that it was impossible to find our way back.

But Sometimes Experimentation Works!

So I picked up "Experimentation Works," by Stefan H. Thomke, knowing that workplace experiments, actually, often fail. I found even more examples in Thomke's book of tests that had done more harm than good.

But I also learned about another side to experimenting – and discovered why some of my old teams had been getting it so wrong.

Trying new things will always involve risks. So, plan your experiments carefully – and always with safety in mind. Experiment early, expecting lots of things not to work. Go for small improvements. Keep your tests as contained as possible. And only implement changes for everyone when there's proof that they're right.

In many ways, it's a simpler approach than the hectic, "best guess" one that I'd been used to. But at its heart is a scientific way of thinking that offers rich and reliable results. And it lets you meet complex new challenges with the feeling that you're already a step ahead.

Experimental Proof

In my current job, I've seen successful experiments at first hand. Granted, my industry has advantages when it comes to testing. In online learning, we can trial small changes in controlled conditions – one at a time, and with little or no risk to the business. We can also run our tests on just some of our customers, without damaging their experience.

But I don't think it's just about the industry you're in, or even the processes you use. It's also about your attitude to experimentation.

If you can get away from the idea that only big, leader-led discoveries count, and that everything needs to be tried at once, urgently, on everyone… then I'm convinced that you can make experimenting work. Wherever you work, whatever you want to improve.

Curiosity, Care and Challenge

"Experimentation Works" shows that, instead of throwing every idea into action, successful organizations puzzle out the best way to test each one in turn. They encourage curiosity, but they also help their people to work scientifically. They make big progress through lots of small steps.

And by creating communities of experimenters, they keep challenging what's possible. That lets them roll out enough proven ideas to progress on a grand scale.

An experimental company like Google, for example, can easily run 25,000 tests in a year. That's going to reveal lots of ideas to reject before they do harm. But it will also highlight plenty to adopt with confidence.

Test Right, and You Can't Go Wrong

The more uncertain the world becomes, the more it pays to test things properly before implementing them. "Experimentation Works" warns us that you can't rely on instinct, or on what's worked in the past. And you can't just hope that everything you try will go the way you planned.

It's boosted my confidence that experimentation can work – if you do it right. Your tests may not produce the results you expected. But if you run them properly, they'll always teach you something valuable.

After all, from childhood onward, it's often by learning what doesn't work that we find out what does.

Downloading our "Experimentation Works" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Premium Club member or corporate user, download or stream the "Experimentation Works" Book Insight review now.

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

What's your approach to experimentation at work? Join the discussion below and let us know!

The post In Testing Times, Test Everything! appeared first on Mind Tools.

Go in too strong and you could cause offense. But try to sugarcoat bad news, and you may not get your message across.

If that wasn't tricky enough, remote working means that many of these difficult conversations have now moved online. So, how do you ensure that they remain constructive and supportive when you can't speak in person?

We asked you, our social media friends and followers, for your top tips on how to handle difficult virtual conversations. Here's a selection of the best responses!

Plan Difficult Conversations

Many of you agreed that difficult conversations require a calm and organized approach. Rather than winging it and risk saying the wrong thing, you need to plan ahead.

You stressed the importance of gathering relevant materials or evidence ahead of your meeting. When Facebook friend Alex Fullerton is gearing up to a potentially contentious conversation, he ensures that he has relevant source material and links to hand. But he also believes that it is important not to bicker. He says, "If they remain unconvinced, I typically move on."

Preventing arguments is important but ensure that you're not silencing the other person simply because you don't like their viewpoint.

Operations specialist Vijayalakshmi Vasudevan suggests sending out a "detailed agenda to ensure focus." This can prevent the person you're talking to from feeling cornered or attacked, and instead demonstrate a willingness to collaborate. This is especially helpful for online discussions when you can't provide reassurance in person.

However, particularly delicate or serious conversations may not permit an agenda. In which case, be prepared to explain why and give the other person time to ask questions.

Stay Focused

According to Twitter follower @BeireannBuanBua, it's important not to "get distracted or obsessed by the fact that [the conversation] is online." Approach the topic as you would an in-person discussion, and focus on the task at hand. Chances are, the recipient will feel vulnerable, so your undivided attention is vital for supporting them through this difficult time.

Vijayalakshmi offers a helpful reminder that awkward conversations are "equally difficult" for everyone involved. As such, keep an open mind and use active listening to understand all sides of the situation.

Honesty Is the Best Policy

LinkedIn follower and researcher Joti K. Dhillon believes that "it's important to be as transparent as possible."

Concealing the truth to protect someone's feelings may seem like a good idea at first. But this can create confusion and cause further harm down the line if you're found out.

Instead, opt for an open and honest conversation. Joti added that it’s easy for your message to "get lost when communicating online." Clear communication is key to avoid potentially damaging misunderstandings.

Make the Most of the Distance

Virtual meetings don’t have to be all doom and gloom. Well-being expert Louise Levell points out that remote working can offer much-needed distance and perspective during difficult conversations. She says, "Reading and typing gives us time to re-read, ask for clarification, digest, breathe, and compose a response and edit if necessary. There's more 'space.'"

Whether you must let an employee go, deliver a performance appraisal that's less than positive, or call a team member out for bad behavior, difficult conversations are inevitable from time to time. But with a clear and organized approach, you can help to take the sting out of painful conversations and handle even the most awkward situations.

Tell Us What You Think

Thank you to everyone who shared their tips and thoughts. If you have any ideas about how to handle difficult conversations online, make sure to leave a comment, below. And follow us on LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter!

The post How to Have Difficult Conversations Online – Your Top Tips! appeared first on Mind Tools.

This is the kind of feedback we're all used to getting from our bosses at some point. But, flip it around. What if your boss was the one who needed feedback? What if they were about to make a big mistake and you knew... would you tell them?  

I would – but that's because I work somewhere where bosses encourage upwards feedback. But, there have definitely been times in my career – in other jobs with other, less agreeable managers – where I would have just kept quiet. Mainly for fear that I'd be shouted at, ignored or – worse – sacked. 

Keeping Quiet Doesn't Work

The thing is, keeping quiet doesn't work! If something's bothering you at work and you can't talk to your boss about it... it's simply not going to get fixed. So the likelihood is that you'll become unhappy, your performance may suffer, you may even end up quitting. 

I've certainly been down this route myself. I once had a job where I was really unhappy. The boss seemed uninterested and barely spoke to me. I was given very little guidance and often had very little work to do.

The worst thing was that the work was secretarial – filing, making teas and taking minutes -- rather than the interesting editorial jobs I was promised would be part of the job. 

Instead of raising these concerns though, I stayed quiet. My unhappiness grew. I went home to my partner at the end of the day and moaned about my job. He told me to bring it up with my boss. But I couldn't. I just didn't have the confidence.

Giving Feedback to Managers - Before Your Exit Interview

So I found a new job and handed in my notice! It wasn't until the exit interview that I "came clean."

My boss seemed disappointed, and surprised. He said he was pleased with my work and wanted to understand more about why I wanted to go. I told him that I felt under-challenged by the work I had been given, and that there was a lack of communication that made it difficult to talk about things openly.

I could see that he was shocked. He clearly thought everything had been going fine. But, he thanked me for my feedback. And we parted ways.  

Perhaps if I'd had the confidence to give feedback earlier, things would have changed and I would have given the job more of a chance. But, giving feedback – particularly to a boss – is a skill that needs developing, and sometimes that only comes with time and experience.  

Your Top Tips for Giving Feedback to Managers 

We wanted to know how you approached giving feedback to managers, and it seems not all of you struggled with confidence like me.

According to a recent poll we ran on Twitter, 66.7 percent of you said you would feel confident giving your boss feedback. Similarly, on Facebook, 62.3 percent of you were happy to give feedback to managers. 

Some of you delved deep and came up with some great tips on how to give feedback to managers:

Don't Get Personal 

Several people pointed out the importance of staying professional when giving feedback. 

As Facebook friend, Raghav Kandakur explained, "It's about being inclusive, professional, and accepting of equality among team members, without holding any grudges. One more important thing is starting every day with a fresh mindset without carrying any past baggage."

LinkedIn follower Jotham C. agreed, "Avoid favoritism, [keep your] office politics-free."

Leading positive psychologist Margaret H. Greenberg, who's written extensively on the subject of positive psychology and leadership, also joined the conversation on LinkedIn by warning against the spread of negative emotions in the workplace.

She commented, "Germs and colds aren't the only things we spread in the workplace. Our emotions, both positive and negative, are just as contagious and can either boost or bust productivity. Research has also found that a boss's emotions are even more contagious than employees'."

Mind Tools' Club and corporate users can listen to our exclusive interview with Margeret Greenberg regarding positive psychology and leadership here.

Bosses Need to Listen and Be Empathic 

Many of you suggested that bosses need to be open and understanding when they receive feedback from team members. LinkedIn follower, Konesh. A explained, "Listen... Listen. Be empathic." Similarly, Shaba Shams commented, "Encourage empathy." 

Not all of you, however, agreed. Over on Facebook a brouhaha was brewing between two of our followers. Oedhel Setran kicked off the debate by warning against giving people too much empathy. 

He said, "Being understanding doesn't mean you have to be enabling. Stop accepting excuses from employees who aren't pulling their own weight. Too often managers err on the side of understanding than the side of standards. They believe it will instill loyalty, but all it's doing is upsetting the workhorses who are left picking up the slack."

Fellow Facebook friend, Greg Schmierer, however, pointed out that this may cause managers to miss out on opportunities to help team members who are struggling.

As he explained, "... sometimes there are extenuating circumstances in the employee's personal life that are causing him to act a certain way at work. First, the manager needs to give the employee the benefit of the doubt about the employee's behavior, unless the employee is showing violent tendencies.

"The manager needs to be a problem solver. He can't know what each of his employees [is] thinking. The manager's role is to get the best performance from his team for his company. This means getting to the root cause of an employee's behavior. Once found, they need to work together in a positive environment to help the employee overcome his problems."

Oedhel, however, thought this approach could be seen as "hand-holding" and that, instead, team members should be able to "self-correct."

Sticking to his guns, Greg highlighted that often people aren't able to "... self-correct because they don't know how." Instead, he explained that, "It takes a manager with good listening skills and empathy in order to find out what's going on." Though he conceded that, "If the employee can't be corrected, then it would be time to think about letting the employee go." 

Be Open and Transparent 

Openness and transparency were popular terms that many of you echoed when it came to giving feedback to managers. As LinkedIn follower Moayad Daboor clarified, "... be credible and honest."

Similarly, Illidia Alexandre de Sousa commented, "... know that your boss has your interests in consideration, as well as always being the most transparent as possible when giving feedback, in order to truly help you improve." 

Twitter follower, Pam Kennett, also highlighted being open about your skills and where you need help, "I would share my strengths and weaknesses with them, and agree a plan as to how to best manage me."

Do you have any tips on how to give feedback to managers? If so, join the debate and share your thoughts in the Comments section, below. 

The post Giving Feedback to Managers - Your Top Tips appeared first on Mind Tools.

"I am turning it as slow as I can," I shouted back, as the car bumped into the one behind us.

Go easy on me. After all, this was back in the days of learning to parallel park without any rear sensors! But, to be fair to my driving instructor, I should have listened properly to what he was saying, instead of optimistically assuming that I could do everything perfectly the first time around. Such is life, when you're 17!

If you've ever learned to drive, started playing an instrument, or, at work, had to respond to an urgent complaint or query straight away, you'll also be familiar with the concept of instant feedback.

Essentially, this is when someone gives you a moment-by-moment account of what you've done wrong, and what you need to do to "course correct." This kind of feedback requires an equally "instantaneous" reaction – you have to respond by fixing the issue right away! It's different from the feedback that you might receive in a one-on-one or performance appraisal, which tends to focus on longer-term personal improvement. Instead, instant feedback relates to correcting mistakes and improving the quality of our day-to-day tasks.

Now, I'll admit it. When I was younger, I wasn't great at accepting feedback – at least, not on the inside. On the outside, I'd nod my head and say, "Oh, yes, I'll be sure to correct that next time. Silly me, what was I thinking!" But, inwardly, I'd be seething: "Don't see what the big deal is! Sounds fine to me! Talking nonsense!"

That is, until I took another look at my work. "Ah! I must have missed that spelling mistake. Hmm, oh yes, and they are right about that bit. Actually, what was I thinking?"

Fortunately, over the years, I have got much better at accepting feedback. Where once my initial reaction verged on complete outrage, I now find that I barely bristle when someone calls me up on a mistake that I've made, or has a suggestion for improvement. And, that's OK (I tell myself). Because giving and receiving feedback properly, without judgment and with gratitude, is a skill. And skills take time to learn.

I even readily ask for feedback from my colleagues and manager now. And, I have to say that, without it, I wouldn't have the skills, knowledge, capabilities or, indeed, confidence that I have today.

Your Top Tips for Giving and Receiving Instant Feedback

We wanted to know how you deal with giving and receiving instant feedback. So, we threw the question out to our friends and followers on social media by asking: "What are your top tips for giving and receiving instant feedback?"

Approach Difficult Conversations Positively

Difficult conversations, particularly when they are to do with giving negative feedback, are a necessary, but often tricky, part of working life. Often, this is because it can be hard to know just how someone will react. Will they get upset, angry, or defensive? Will they refuse to acknowledge it? Or, will they accept it gracefully?

Our Facebook friend Kiran Sinalkar suggests that the best way to deal with difficult conversations is to be as open and honest as possible. "Tell your observations and feelings," Kiran says. "Don't try to judge [the] intentions of anyone… give the other person a chance to [express] their feelings."

Over on LinkedIn, Teri Stiff recommended that we approach difficult conversations by focusing on the potential benefits: "Ensuring your focus is for the benefit of the employee makes a big difference! Sometimes I psych myself up by telling myself those very things when preparing for a difficult conversation. It helps to remind yourself that your role as leader is bringing out the best in your employees!"

Check Your Motives

When we receive feedback, it can be easy to take it personally. Equally, there's a risk of muddying the feedback that we give to others with personal bias.

Many of you warned against this, and highlighted the importance of giving honest, nonjudgmental feedback. LinkedIn follower Pav Ponnoosami suggests beating bias with good "self awareness." As he explains: "When giving [feedback], ensure it's for the receiver's benefit, not yours. Check your motives for what you are about to share with them, and be aware if you are possibly using it as a way of showcasing your own skills and knowledge. Stay solution-focused."

Pav also stressed the importance of keeping your emotions in check when you receive feedback: "Be aware of what other factors may influence how you take in that feedback. Are there offline factors, such as office politics, previous interactions, or just feeling needy… Again, stay solution-focused on what is shared with you."

Facebook follower Debbie Mitchell agreed, and suggested that the key to avoiding bias is to make sure that your feedback is grounded in fact: "Provide well-formed observations – as you see or hear them happening – in the moment. I always suggest it should be a fact on which no two people could reasonably disagree."

By doing this, and by inviting the receiver to respond, difficult conversations can become much less tricky. "Getting that agreement forms the basis of a much better conversation," Debbie continued. "Offering the opportunity to self-reflect based on those observations can be powerful, as well as inviting the receiver to come up with their suggestions for alternative approaches."

Balance With Praise

Balancing negative feedback with praise was also a popular tip among our followers. As Facebook friend Salacious Montgomery Crumb suggested: "Do it the Royal Navy way: praise, criticize, praise."

Over on LinkedIn, Noha Kamel shared similar advice, and recommended taking a gentle approach: "You need to have that caring attitude with the right tone of voice and focusing on body language. You say [that] they're doing really well, then state what they need to improve. Then close with your support to help them through what makes them better."

How do you respond when someone gives you instant feedback? And, what do you do if you need to hand it out? Share your tips and techniques in the comments section, below.

The post Giving and Receiving Instant Feedback – Your Top Tips appeared first on Mind Tools.

If you're lucky, you speak to someone who's charming, funny and knows what he or she is talking about. If you're not, you may come away feeling frustrated, angry and irritated.

The Power of Social Media

Despite our increasing dependency on digital communication, the good ol' telephone is still the most popular way to contact customer service. But, in recent years, social media has proved itself to be an incredibly powerful tool for sharing our brand experiences – good or bad.

Many of us now resort to lodging complaints online (38 percent of us, in fact). And, with 879 million complaints posted online each year, you'd be forgiven for thinking that we only really use these channels to have a good moan. After all, what better way to get your voice heard than on a public forum like Facebook (which has over two billion users worldwide) or Twitter (with 330 million users)?

And yet, interestingly, online praise actually outweighs complaints by more than 30 percent. Given the global reach of social media channels, these online success stories have become very valuable to those who have earned them. They can do wonders to boost a brand's reputation.

On the other hand, when things go wrong on social media, they have the potential to go very wrong. In fact, they might even go "viral"– just look at some of these epic online customer service fails.

How to Post Online Complaints

So, if you do want to lodge a complaint online, what's the best way to go about it?

1. Calm Down!

If you're getting in touch with a company to complain, you're likely a bit "peeved" already. But, as much as you'd like to tell the world exactly what you think of the organization in question, take a moment to calm down before you hit "post." The web doesn't need any more rants from bitter "trolls."

And remember that what you post online, stays online – possibly forever. This means that your ugly post might just pop up on a background check for your next job application. Although publicly shaming a company that you think has wronged you might be your first instinct, you need to realize that doing so will not only impact your target, but you as well.

2. Use Social Media for a Speedy Response

Nevertheless, social media is a great way to get a quick response to your complaint. Many larger companies now employ teams whose sole responsibility is to monitor online interactions. Eric Sass reports that 55 percent of British social media complainers were "offered a speedy solution to their problem, and 28 percent said the company's customer service representatives offered cash, rebates or freebies to help resolve the issue."

So, to begin with, you could post a simple tweet, such as: "@COMPANYNAME I need help and have an outstanding concern. Please DM me."

Or, if the company doesn't seem to be active on Twitter, check out its website to check which social media platform it uses most. Ideally, it will be one where you already have an account. If you don't, you may need to set one up. Be sure to use authentic personal details on your profile, or you may be dismissed as a troll.

3. Do Some Investigation Work

If you still don't get the desired response (or you get no response at all), it's time to investigate further.

First, find out what handles (addresses) the company uses on its preferred social media platform.

Then, consider messaging departments other than customer service. Is there perhaps an address you can use for marketing or product development, for instance? Getting someone from another department "on side" will likely increase the pressure on customer service to resolve your complaint.

4. Write a Review

Your final resort might be to write an online review. If this is the case, proceed with caution!

First, compose a draft. Keep it short and to the point. Avoid backstories, like what a bad day you were having before the problem arose.

If you've already tried to resolve your complaint on the telephone, include specifics such as the names of people who you interacted with, the promises that they made, the length of time you were required to wait, and so on. Facts like these will help to boost your cause.

At all costs, avoid exaggeration and insults. It may seem funny at the time to refer to the company as "douchebags," or something worse, but this will only provide them with ways to undermine your credibility. Your review will be more effective if you can balance complaints with compliments.

Always check your spelling and grammar before publishing your final review. Better still, get someone else to read it first.

Then, tweet your review or post it to the company's Facebook page. Or, if you post your review on a blog, take it to content sharing sites like Digg, Reddit, Delicious, StumbleUpon, and FriendFeed. These sites use indexing techniques to push your blog to other relevant sites based on its content, increasing its visibility. (Be advised, however, that you need to have accounts at these sites.)

Remember, complaining online can often speed up the response time. But it can also ruin reputations – including yours! So, be careful, keep your emotions in check, and never forget to balance pessimism with praise and positivity!

Have you ever complained about a company online? What response did you get? Was it a cyber success or an epic fail? Share your stories in the comments section below…

The post How to Post Complaints and Keep Your Cool Online appeared first on Mind Tools.