Guess what? This time the power button broke as soon as it hit the floor. It flashed on and off on sleep mode, and I couldn't power it either on or off. Here I was in Copenhagen, Denmark, spending some of the time I'd planned to sightsee… taking my computer in to the shop.

Categorizing Regrets

In his book "The Power of Regret," Daniel H. Pink writes about the upside of one of our less pleasant emotions, regret. Regrets are common and painful, but they can also be surprisingly motivating.

Pink conducted research on regret and determined from his very sizeable surveys that regrets can be categorized depending on their focus, rather than on their content.

For example, one person might regret not going to university while another regrets not proposing to a girlfriend – but both are essentially regretting a lack of boldness.

Many regrets focus on actions not taken, though some focus on deeds done. In each case, we can take inspiration from our regrets to live, in the future, in ways that more fully reflect our desires.

At Least…

In the case of actions taken, Pink says that we can make efforts to undo their damage if possible. My poor laptop is now sitting in a shop in the U.K., waiting for diagnosis and repair. Whether it gets up and running again, or whether I end up needing to buy a new laptop, I'll be cautious about when I use it and where I put it!

We can also make ourselves better with "at least" statements – acknowledging to ourselves that the outcome could have been worse. At least I had my work laptop with me. At least I hadn't broken it on my previous trip, where it was my one and only computer. And at least I had saved most of my important documents to the cloud so was able to access them there.

I'm a little clumsy. I probably always will be. But I can strive to be more mindful in the future to take care of my technology, rather than thoughtlessly hauling it around.

To Regret Is Human

In the 1980s cartoon "The Last Unicorn" (based on Peter S. Beagle's novel), a unicorn is transformed into a human, falls in love, and is eventually returned to her original form. She gains an appreciation of human emotions, including the bittersweet ones.

In the end, she says to the magician responsible for the transformation, "No unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret." Then, rather than getting angry at the magician, she thanks him.

Pink writes that regret makes us human. And with its power to impact our future choices, it makes us better.

Listen to Our "Power of Regret" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Power of Regret" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Melanie has worked as a writer, freelance and in-house editor, university writing instructor, and language teacher. She is the author of a short story collection, "Dream Signs," and a nonfiction book, "The Modern Enneagram." Melanie has written for several publications including Huffington Post, Cicada, and Contrary Magazine. And she is a certified teacher of the Enneagram, a personality typology that illuminates people's core motivations.

The post I Might Regret Writing This Blog  appeared first on Mind Tools.

Yes, we are all caught in the same storm, but we are a long way from being in the same boat. Nor do we know when the storm will pass, or what kind of world it will leave behind when the tide falls back.

This uncertainty is the one thing that we all share. It's the ultimate test of our resilience.

Fortunately, we live in a world where technology – and artificial intelligence, in particular – can help us in the race to to develop a vaccine. One that could, quite literally, save the human race.

Structure Your Day During Lockdown

Google's DeepMind AlphaFold project, for instance, is 3D-modeling the protein structure of COVID-19. Without the AlphaFold code, this would take longer than the age of the known universe to perform!

So while we sleep, eat, play, and stay home, war is waged nonstop on the Coronavirus. Meanwhile, our governments wrestle with the public health and economic fallout.

Our job, the bit we can control, is to keep the home fires burning; to keep ourselves and our families afloat. So far, in my experience, the number-one thing that helps me to cope with lockdown is structure.

To begin with, I kind of envied people furloughed at home. Now, I realize how lucky I am to be occupied with work and focused for eight hours a day. It feels reassuringly normal to be roused by my alarm clock, to be busy, to look forward to lunch and the end of the working day.

Find Your Purpose in Lockdown

And by the time I've been for a run or a walk, showered, cooked, eaten, and cleared away, it's well into the evening.

Time, to be honest, is not dragging for me. But I can see how easily it could be different without a purpose, a reason to get up. By now, I would most likely be keeping some very strange hours: up at noon on a good day, and up all night watching movies and a zillion box sets.

I've often thought it would be great to stop the world so I could get off for a few days. To gather myself, rest, and clear my head without missing anything. Well, now I know you can have too much of a good thing.

I also know I couldn't have lived like that for long. Guilt would have got the better of me and self-motivation would have kicked in.

Luckily, I'm also a born optimist. I always believe things will get better. And with the right attitude, approach and effort, they do. This too shall pass.

Lockdown: How Are You Coping? – Your Top Tips

We wanted to know how you are getting through lockdown. Here's a selection of some of the best tips and advice we received from our friends and followers on social media.

Think Positive, Be Positive

Our Facebook friend Galal Fahmy is treating this "time out" as a gift to do something positive with.

He told us, "The lockdown has taken its toll on everyone, physically, emotionally and mentally. But I don't believe that the answer is to succumb to the dark side of the quarantine.

"But rather we can engage our creative energies into our passions. We can meditate to explore deeper sides to our self, learn more about the world, spend more time with our loved ones at home, and reflect on our past and future steps carefully."

On Twitter, Janish Surana is also reaping the benefits of looking inward. He said, "Have taken up meditation. Getting up at 6 a.m.. Reading and learning about blockchain technology, electric vehicles, and graphene. Family. Daily chores. Quite busy these days. Smiling face with open mouth and smiling eyes."

Spirituality is also key for Minty Zeyya, who commented, "Keeping my body active and challenged, mindfulness in all daily routines, staying connected with loved ones. And of course mostly to stay connected with myself spiritually."

On LinkedIn, Izabela Twardowska revealed that she's focusing on the physical and emotional. She said, "Keeping active, making sure I do something for myself and others every day, staying connected with friends, family and team members."

Taking the practical approach is Adeiza Ahmed. "Making use of the time to keep busy learning new skills and more about myself" is helping him to cope, he told us on Facebook.

Spend Time With Friends and Family

Many of us are delighting in the extra time we have to spend with our friends and families, either in real life or online.

Faruk Abdullah Shohag is "reading books and watching movies! Quality time for family." As is fellow Facebook friend Mohammed Salman Ali, who said, "Spending valuable time with family. Watching series and writing stories."

Wendy Kelly is getting organized to make the best of her "new" time. She tweeted, "I'm scheduling time to get some fresh air by walking, as well as scheduling some virtual time with friends and family (e.g. movie night, happy hour)."

Reach Out to Others

Consultant Helen Lawson is flourishing in the "new normal." She said, "I'm so lucky to feel like I'm positively thriving through lockdown. I think a huge part of that is that as a well-being trainer and consultant, I'm getting to help others. Seeing the impact of that creates such a high.

"I'm one of maybe only a few that have the real luxury of finding this time enriching. My thoughts are with everyone less fortunate for whatever reason."

Empathy is the watchword for Wendy Barned on LinkedIn. She said, "Basically catching up on the things I didn't have time to do before. A lot of self-reflection on how I spent my time before lockdown.

"Connecting with people in a way of true caring, by actually reading and taking in their messages. Then responding with questions to find out more about them as a person."

Learn From Experience

Some folks are doing their best to take the whole thing in their stride – like Jessica Melton, who told us on LinkedIn, "Doesn’t seem to be much of an impact for me because I can and have worked from home. However, the kids being home all day, along with home schooling and the other jobs that a parent has, along with a full-time sales job, gets overwhelming at times."

This theme was echoed by Nicola McCall, also on LinkedIn. She said, "Strangely, isolation feels familiar to life as an expat. In that time I learnt to be self-reliant, work at home, cope with lack of communication and contact, be housebound (with a baby/toddler). 

"As an expat, I learnt so much about my values and needs. I feel it is seeing us through this period of being at home well. Of course, there was no pandemic occurring around us when we were expats. But there were a number of personal and professional trials (often in a second language) that we had to deal with, while living away from our normal support networks of family and friends."

Do you have any more tips or advice about coping with lockdown? Add your thoughts in the Comments, below.

The post Lockdown: How Are You Coping? – Your Top Tips appeared first on Mind Tools.

In one organization I worked for, learning came to feel downright impossible!

Maybe this rings a bell for you. Information was coming thick and fast. There were complex new structures and systems to get to grips with. The pressure to adapt was ramped up for everyone, and I knew I needed to learn quickly. Trouble was, most days I felt too rushed, tired and stressed to learn anything at all.

I wasn't the only one. People started quitting, and the burden on everyone else just grew.

The problem wasn't a lack of training on offer. The instruction documents, process manuals, and other supposedly useful resources were piling up, and everyone's calendar was full of course dates. The real issue was that nobody felt able to do any of it!

We desperately needed to learn, in order to adjust and improve. But we were stuck.

Luckily, I stayed there long enough to see things get better. It took a major overhaul of leadership, and it didn't happen overnight. But before too long, learning at work started to feel possible again, and the difference – for me, and for the business as a whole – was huge.

Changing for the Better

Some of the changes were organizational. Work patterns were altered to give us proper time to learn – and to put our new knowledge and skills into practice. Managers got their people to choose training that was relevant and purposeful. For the first time, I understood how my individual learning linked to the overall business plans.

Other changes were cultural. We were encouraged to learn together. People fed back about the learning they'd done – not just in meetings but in the lunchroom, too. Experimentation was actively encouraged. We held fun events where we shared non-work skills. One Friday, Tony taught us how to juggle!

But maybe the most noticeable difference was that staff well-being was prioritized. Flexible working became a real option. There were nicer cookies in the kitchen. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who felt that my brain worked better.

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that learning pushed us forward as an organization. In one meeting, I remember someone saying it was actually fun trying to solve problems that had previously held us back! We got into Case Study-Based Learning, giving us insights from elsewhere that we plowed back into our own work.

It proved to me that learning is so much more meaningful when you put it to the test.

Making Learning at Work Work!

So what are the keys to great learning at work?

There's no shortage of research about how children learn, but much less about adults. We still rely a lot on work done in the 1960s by American educator, Malcolm Knowles. He coined the term "andragogy" for the study of what helps adults to learn (distinct from "pedagogy," meaning how we teach our kids).

Knowles picked out six things that can help:

1. Knowing why we're learning something.

2. Learning from real experience.

3. Having a say in what and how we learn.

4. Focusing on relevant knowledge and skills.

5. Solving problems.

6. Being able to motivate ourselves.

When my company changed for the better, all these principles played their part. It certainly didn't take lots of formal training to get everyone learning again. Instead, we made it easier for people to learn from the real work they and their teams were doing every day.

The 70:20:10 model can be helpful for getting this balance right: 70 percent learning from experience; 20 percent "social" learning, from colleagues and contacts; and just 10 percent direct training.

I'm sure it's best not to set this ratio in stone, though, but to be responsive and alert. Organizations move quickly, and what we need to learn also changes rapidly – along with the techniques and technologies at our disposal.

Lessons in Learning

Other things I've learned about learning? As obvious as it may sound, it's hard to learn well when you're distracted. Far too often, I think, we try to learn when our mind's just not on the job.

And you don't have to concentrate for long. Well-chosen learning opportunities can be slotted into small gaps in your day. Technology helps me: I've learned from podcasts at lunchtime, and I often watch video tutorials on the train.

We've also got to acknowledge that not all learning works first time. I recommend returning to resources that have helped in the past. Think how often your teachers went back over key topics at school!

But learning can still happen quickly. My organization got a new lease of life when it started expecting rapid benefits from learning. I've also worked in schools, and I've seen the power of pacy teaching and learning.

In fact, I think we can learn a lot from kids, period. As a parent, I've noticed that my own children learn best when they're excited about doing it.

Their teachers also work hard to make learning relevant, and schools are putting increasing emphasis on the core skills of learning. Being organized, having a strong memory, learning well with others… They're skills that serve us well long after our school days are done!

Back to School

So don't stop being a student. When my own organization refocused on learning, it felt absolutely right to go back to some of my old student behaviors. I carried a notebook to capture important information and ideas, and I dug out some of the memory strategies I'd learned at school. Mnemonics can be extremely effective for learning at speed and under pressure.

Schools encourage active learning, and the best ones work on their students' physical and mental well-being to help. I've seen how much my own learning benefits from physical relaxation methods, mindfulness techniques, and general well-being advice. I love running, and I always feel sharper when I've been out for a few miles – or even just had a quick walk after lunch.

What about you? What gets you learning at work, amid everything else you've got to do? And what are the secrets of creating a great learning culture for everyone?

We can all learn from each other… so join the discussion, below!

The post Making Time for Learning When There's No Time to Think! appeared first on Mind Tools.

Before 1995, though, you may have wondered what on earth that phrase meant. That's when psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman published his groundbreaking book, "Emotional Intelligence."

Emotional What?

At the time, he wasn’t at all sure the idea would catch on.

"In fact, I'd already put out a proposal for my next book, because I didn't think this book would do much of anything in particular. So I was astonished," he tells me in our Expert Interview podcast.

"I remember having the thought, before it came out, that if one day I heard two strangers using the phrase ‘emotional intelligence,' and they both knew what it meant, it had become a meme and I would have succeeded in the goal. So it's been a success far beyond my expectations."

More bestselling books followed, most of them related to emotional intelligence or some aspect of it. Goleman’s latest book is a prequel of sorts.

Meditation and Mindfulness

The new book is called "Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body." In it, Goleman shares how he first embraced meditation when he spent two years in India as a Harvard graduate student.

While he was there, he began practicing mindfulness, which he calls "a subcategory of meditation." For him, it's "very interwoven" with emotional intelligence because it helps people to focus – a thread that runs through all four parts of the emotional intelligence model.

"Mindfulness practice, or meditation generally, are essentially practices of self-awareness. That's the first part of emotional intelligence," he says.

"The payoff is not only in being able to monitor what's going on inside you and handle it better, but also in self-management, which is the second part of emotional intelligence. You are better able to manage your upsets, and to stay focused on your goals and marshal a positive attitude," he says.

The Science Behind Mindfulness

"And then there's presence to other people. That's the third part of emotional intelligence. Those three parts are what we combine in our relationship skills [the fourth part]. So I would say that it's a booster across every part of emotional intelligence."

In "Altered Traits" – a play on the phrase "altered states" – Goleman and co-author Richard J. Davidson, PhD, present the scientific argument for meditation and mindfulness, citing dozens of experiments that provide evidence of their benefits.

Goleman welcomes the growth in such studies, and the peer-reviewed articles that endorse them. After all, mainstream recognition of the transformative effects of meditation has been a long time coming.

Early Skepticism Replaced by Acceptance

"When I proposed studying meditation at Harvard, my professors were mostly against it. They thought it was crazy, a waste of time," he recalls.

"That was many decades ago. Now, it makes a lot of sense, because the data clearly shows there are changes in the brain. There are changes at very basic levels of mind, brain and body, and this, of course, means there might be some very practical applications that come out of this research."

As an example, Goleman says that we can see positive results from as little as 10 minutes of mindfulness practice a day.

"We know from the research that your attention becomes stronger. You're able to focus even in the midst of multitasking, which is a very useful skill these days, for sure. You can remember better, you can learn better. Students who do mindfulness actually score better on exams," he reports.

Mindfulness as a Stress Buster

"There's also a real benefit for how you handle stress. You become less reactive, triggered less often, and if you do have an emotional hijack, you recover more quickly. These are results that show up pretty much from the start, but the more you practice, say you have a daily session of mindfulness, the stronger the benefits become."

Because of this, Goleman believes there's a powerful business case for bringing mindfulness into the workplace.

In this audio clip, from our Expert Interview podcast, he reflects on how it might be introduced.

Listen to the full 30-minute interview in the Mind Tools Club.

Would you welcome regular mindfulness practice in your workplace? Join the discussion below!

The post How Mindfulness Leads to Emotional Intelligence appeared first on Mind Tools.

Mindfulness is Rasmus Hougaard's bread and butter. Through his company, Potential Project, he helps organizations around the world to use mindfulness skills to improve their effectiveness. He's seen it work wonders, delivering better focus, energy and productivity.

But, in recent years, he began to notice that mindfulness was just one contributory factor to a successful leadership mindset, not a complete solution in itself.

More was needed "for leaders to truly engage their workforce, to really create a sense of commitment, loyalty, and thereby more well-being and performance," he tells me in our Expert Interview podcast.

The Ingredients of a Great Leader

To find the missing ingredients, Hougaard teamed up with Harvard Business Review and embarked on a two-year study aimed at understanding what kind of mind leaders need to be successful in the 21st century.

The team assessed 35,000 leaders and interviewed around 250 executives, from companies as diverse as Microsoft, Google and Accenture.

At the end of the study, "there were three qualities [for a leader] that stood out really, really strongly," Hougaard says. These qualities were mindfulness, selflessness and compassion.

The Danger of Empathy

This insight forms the basis of his new book (and its accompanying app), "The Mind of the Leader: How to Lead Yourself, Your People, and Your Organization for Extraordinary Results," co-written with his Potential Project colleague, Jacqueline Carter.

In addition to their own work, the authors draw on other people's research, and there are a few bombshells lurking in the pages. For example, did you know that empathy can be dangerous? "That's a bit of a surprise for pretty much everybody nowadays," Hougaard laughs.

Explaining this, he starts with a proviso: "I have to say there is absolutely a strong, strong, strong need for empathy for leaders. Tons of research has shown that empathy allows leaders to put themselves in others' shoes and really help other people."

So what's the problem? In short, if you empathize too much, you can find yourself unable to lead effectively.

Leaving Emotions to One Side

Imagine a team member shares that she is close to breaking point. She's under tremendous pressure and is so stressed out that she can barely switch on her computer in the morning.

If you empathize with her, you'll feel her pain. You'll suffer with her. How do you go from that emotional state to professionally coaching her, and guiding her toward a better way to work? And that's not the only risk.

A Lack of Diversity

"It has also been proven that empathy leads to a lack of acting with diversity," Hougaard reveals. "We empathize more with the people that are like us, meaning we hire the people that are like us. We listen to the people that are like us, and we promote the people that are like us."

And finally, empathy is fleeting. You feel someone's pain in the moment, but the next day, you don't. You were supportive, and then you weren't. That doesn't help the underlying situation.

Adopting "Wise Compassion"

Rather than empathy, Hougaard suggests that leaders adopt a broader caring approach, which he calls "wise compassion." That word "wise" is important, because regular compassion may not do the trick.

Let's return to our imaginary team. "One person in this team is doing things that are detrimental to the team culture. If you're just purely bringing compassion into it, you don't want to tell this person because it's going to hurt his or her feelings and therefore not be nice," Rasmus says.

"But, that is completely misunderstood compassion. Compassion has to be paired with wisdom or professionalism, wise judgment, and discernment. In this case of a team member that is bringing bad vibes into the group, it's a real service to give feedback to this person, as hard and as tough as it can be. Otherwise, that person is not going to be able to improve and therefore stay in the job."

What’s in the Mind of a Leader?

Mindfulness, selflessness and compassion may sound a bit touchy-feely, but the best leaders also add "steely" to the mix. Ultimately, it's about finding a balance that delivers "truly human leadership," Hougaard reflects, in this audio clip from our Expert Interview podcast.

Listen to the full 30-minute interview in the Mind Tools Club.

What's your idea of compassion in the workplace? Join the discussion below!

The post What's in the Mind of a Leader? appeared first on Mind Tools.

We all have those days when we don't feel like ourselves. Days when you wake up and something just doesn't feel right. You can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong, and all you want to do is stay in bed, watch TV, and eat junk food. Not the most productive solution, perhaps, but sometimes it just seems necessary for your mental health.

Chances are, staying in bed isn't an option. Instead, you have to force yourself to get up and go to work. You may even love your job, but, on these "blah" days, it can feel like a chore.

It's OK Not to Be OK

The prospect of sitting at your desk all day feeling miserable may not fill you with joy. But the most important thing to remember is this: it's OK not to be OK. In an article for Forbes, career strategist Gayle Draper points out that sometimes we need to "press the pause button" and, if possible, take a "mental health day." Exercise or mindfulness might make you feel a little better at times like these – but, when you're truly out of sorts, the first step is often to accept that this just isn't your day. 

So, instead of getting annoyed with yourself for lacking enthusiasm, give yourself permission to feel "low." The feeling may last for longer than a day, but that's fine, too. Even if you're usually the bubbliest person in your office, you still have the right to feel a little "off" from time to time.

It's also important to remember that one down day doesn't mean that you hate your job. You may wake up one morning and not want to go to work, but don't start dusting off your résumé straight away. As the author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek reminds us, "Bad days don't make it a bad job."

How Are You, Really?

Many of us would rather admit defeat and take a sick day than answer, "How are you today?" Do you lie and say you're fine, to avoid any awkward questions? Or, do you tell the truth?

The Canadian mental health initiative Not Myself Today questions whether people are "ready to hear the real answer." The fact is, we shouldn't feel judged by our co-workers because we aren't our normal selves. The key is to be able to have a conversation about it safely.

Bear in mind that a down day isn't just difficult for you. It can also impact the rest of your team – particularly if you're the manager. A leader's mood can dampen team energy faster than you think. So, whether you just "got out of bed on the wrong side," or there's a more serious underlying issue, you must remain professional. You can't use it as an excuse to take out your feelings on your boss, your co-workers, or your customers.

Can You Handle the Truth?

If you witness another person's off day, allow your co-worker to deal with it in his or her own way. For example, you might notice that he's a little quieter than usual, or that he's sitting away from the usual crowd.

Just give him some space. No matter how curious you are, pointing out your co-worker's bad mood will likely just irritate him more. So, before you label him as "stroppy" or "miserable," put yourself in his shoes. Doing him a favor, or just making a hot drink, may cheer him up, but chances are he just needs some peace. If the moment feels right, you may like to ask how he's feeling, but don't push it. Let him come to you.

Whether you're at home or at work, you owe it to yourself to be able to say how you really feel. So, don't say that you're fine if you're not. And don't ask someone how they are if you're not interested in hearing the truth. If you're not feeling yourself, it can be difficult to understand your own feelings, let alone explain them to your employer.

But opening up an honest dialogue with co-workers is vital for our well-being, even if it's just to give ourselves some space for the day. Don't feel that you have to maintain a consistent personality for the sake of your colleagues. You're not perfect. And that's OK.

But, of course, there's a big difference between the occasional bad day and persistent unhappiness. Prolonged negative thinking or stress can cause severe health problems. They could also be symptoms of a serious mental health condition such as depression or anxiety. So, if a bad day turns into a bad month, or more, don't be afraid to ask for help.

What do you do to cope with an "off day"? What's your opinion of "mental health days," and does your organization support them? Share your thoughts, below.

The post Do I Have to Be Happy at Work? appeared first on Mind Tools.

Her project management software reminded her of some overdue tasks, while queries from her team arrived via Slack. But they would have to wait, too, as Bridget’s calendar reminded her of the video conference scheduled right now with her overseas co-workers.

As the conference wrapped up, LinkedIn reminded her of some colleagues’ work anniversaries, and news of the latest political intrigue pinged up on her phone. “Ugh!” she sighed, while she got up to fetch of cup of tea before checking her Facebook and email. But those, too, would have to wait, because a project manager approached her desk.

Overwhelmed by Incessant Notifications

He started to talk about the new clients added to their project. Bridget heard this yesterday, so she glanced down at the phone in her lap and read some text message replies. When the project manager stopped talking, she looked up sheepishly and asked, “Sorry. Did you just ask me something?”

By this time, you are as fidgety as Bridget because you know this story all too well. We are grateful for the variety of communication tools at our disposal, but overwhelmed by the incessant interruptions they bring us. One study found that, “Office workers are interrupted about every three minutes [and it takes] about 23 minutes to return to the original task.”

First, mindfulness encourages us take a deep breath and feel a little pride. Being bombarded by messages means that you are liked, trusted and respected by others. They care about what you are doing, what you have to say, and how you feel about them.

How to Manage Your Communications

But let’s see what we can do to help you cope with the interruptions. Your first reply might be, "If I prevent interruptions, I’ll put myself at risk by being out of the loop." No, if you manage your communications, your productivity will rise. This will encourage your key contacts to work harder to keep you in the loop. Instead of trying to get you to adapt to their schedule, they will learn to work with your work schedule.

Do not fool yourself by believing that you are a great multitasker who can handle interruption. No matter how good you are, a focused worker is more productive. There is no magical cure for these interruptions to our focus. Focus begins with having a few key goals to accomplish in the upcoming day, and then managing the time we grant to our communication tools to seize our attention.

Let’s start with email. You’re going to check it early to see where your plans for the day might require alteration. Sure, check it again midday, and again before you go home; but, in between, leave your email alone! Daniel Levitin reinforces this point: “If you’re checking email every five minutes, you’re checking it 200 times during the workday.” Also, stay away from your personal email at work and your work email while you are at home relaxing.

Merge Media Inputs

Before I advise you to weed out some of these apps, here’s a question: can more sometimes result in less? There are some apps (such as Slack, Asana, and Cisco Spark) that are designed to merge these media inputs into a single channel. If you’re comfortable with one, stick with it. It will also have settings to make your status unavailable or invisible.

How many social media accounts do you have? If some provide little or no value, don’t try to ignore them; simply delete them. For those that provide critical value at work, allocate a fixed amount of time to use them, and adhere to it.

Responsibility with incoming phone calls also varies by position. If you can, check the incoming call number and do not answer calls from unfamiliar numbers. If it’s important, they will leave a voicemail.

Allocating time to each of your communication tools – and not simply browsing through them when you have a spare minute or two – can also help you to reduce stress and to focus on accomplishing your important goals.

How do you manage your communications? Are you drowning in notifications, or are you a smooth operator? Let us know in the comments section below.

The post Help! How to Save Yourself From Drowning in Notifications appeared first on Mind Tools.

“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you're worthy of the trip.” 
― Glenn Beck, American radio and television personality.

Nowadays, many of us see police or military patrols in our cities, as we visit tourist attractions or use facilities like airports and train stations. For some people, they're an unwelcome reminder of an unseen threat. For all, they symbolize our collective awareness that, in certain circumstances, we need people who are trained and alert to keep us safe.

Over the years, I've come to realize that I also need two big, strong "soldiers" at the entrance and exit points of my thoughts.

I need one to keep guard over what I allow into my mind: what I see, read, listen to, and talk about.  The other must watch for the harmful thoughts that slip out and threaten to ruin how I feel about myself. This sentry plays an important role in keeping my self-confidence, and even my self-worth, intact and strong.

Who Sees the Ugly Me?

I'm sure that I'm not the only person around who has "bad hair" days and "fat" days. What I've noticed, though, is that people around me hardly ever see the "ugly" that I do – it mostly exists in my head.

When I give such a thought the opportunity to grow, it seems to attach itself to my self-worth like a leech. Before long it starts draining me of energy and I feel as if everybody sees the "ugly me" that I see in my head. And before long I start acting as if that's the real me. Both my performance and my relationships suffer, as this poor view of myself spills out into the workplace.

The only thing that can change what happens "in the moment" is my conscious decision to shift my thoughts into a different gear. Instead of focusing on the negative things that I feel about myself, I have to remember that I'm still the same me that I felt so good about yesterday – even if my hair doesn't look quite as nice as it did then!

Self-Worth and Thought Awareness

In our Twitter poll last week, 35 percent of you said that you'd like to become better at mindful self-awareness. (See how our participants voted about other aspects of self-management they'd like to improve, here.)

During this latest #MTtalk, we explored the connection between how we think, what we say to ourselves, and how that leads us to feel and to perform. Here are all the questions that we asked during the chat, with some more of our followers' responses.

Q1. What is self-worth? And what is low self-worth?

@SayItForwardNow Self-worth is our assessment of the value we bring to relationships & to our work. When it is low, we need to understand WHY?

@NBlairHRDigital Self-worth is the lens which you view yourself through. Low self-worth means that you don't feel worthy of good things.

Q2. What is the effect, both personally and professionally, of persistently low self-worth?

@EdNavigation Impacts relationships, families, work. People either find you draining or prefer not to engage. And depression may emerge.

@tweetgayusri Persistent low self-worth is like having diamonds in hand and begging others for food.

Q3. How do you know when your self-worth or the self-worth of others has been affected? What are the signs?

@Yolande_MT Someone with affected self-worth is often critical. The less you like yourself the more you criticize other people.

@VinceSkolny There are as many manifestations of robbed self-worth as individuals robbed of it. One consistent behavior underlying them: those robbed of self-worth always seek approval from others.

Q4. Are some people more susceptible to low self-worth than others? Why?

@SanabriaJav I think a person's background such as their socioeconomic upbringing can affect their self-worth. There are many variables.

@Jikster2009 I believe we are all susceptible due to any given life event, however those who tend to suffer social anxiety/depression more so.

Many participants commented on the effects of what we hear about ourselves while growing up, including:

@harrisonia Yes! Those who grew up in (or still live in) abusive or emotionally unbalanced homes can be more susceptible to low self-worth.

Q5. Can you influence someone else's self-worth, or only your own?

@WonderPix I think we can help fill others' buckets, but they have to repair the holes so it doesn't leak out.

@BrainBlenderTec You can influence someone's self-worth by comments, gestures, or even expressions that build them up or tear them down.

Q6. What is thought awareness?

@JKatzaman Thought awareness is knowing you don't operate in a vacuum. Your thoughts carry over to your actions, which cascade over others.

@d78stock Thought awareness – the ability to be aware of what your thoughts are (negative or positive), how they impact on self and others.

Q7. How can you become more aware of your predominant thought patterns?

@work_it_brum Self-care. Is it daily list making? Is it meditating? It will be different for everyone, but taking the time will help you focus.

@MurrayAshley Through observing them and also trying to see what triggered them.

@MicheleDD_MT Get curious about what are the facts behind the story you are telling yourself. What’s really going on?

Q8. What's the connection between self-worth, thought awareness and self-talk?

@Midgie_MT Negative self-talk can lower self-worth. When you are not aware of what is said, it can bring you down. Becoming aware helps.

@Jikster2009 They are all connected by our perceptions/mind talk and internal thought processing.

Q9. When and why should you pay extra attention to your self-talk?

@manavlalotra If the TALK is turning into NOISE – stop right there and clear the noise. Negative self-talk is as effective as positive, but it harms!

@KarlaRevolution During challenging times. This is when our thinking can be the worst. If we can change in those moments the rest are easy.

Q10. What helps you to shift the negative self-talk towards more positive self-talk?

@jeremypmurphy We must stop our meaningless complaining and fill our brains with confidence through positivity and inspiration.‬

@temekoruns It's easier to shift negative thinking after recognizing there are other people in worse situations doing better.

@cdemgo Going over my diary and reviewing how I overcame challenges in the past. Journaling helps to reflect and maintain perspective.

Next time on #MTtalk...

When you know your self-worth, and can recognize the value of other people, it's easier to get along with them. What do you think is most important when communicating to connect? Cast your vote in our poll over here.

In our next #MTtalk on Friday, September 29, our topic is "Connecting at Work." To share your thoughts and ideas, please join us at 1 p.m. EDT/ 5 p.m. GMT/ 10:30 p.m. IST. Simply type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on “All Tweets” and you’ll be able to follow the live chat feed. To take part in the conversation, include #MTtalk in your tweet and it will show up in the chat feed.

Self-Worth and Thought Awareness Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources that will help you to learn more about self-worth and thought awareness:

Self-Mastery

Using Affirmations

Perfectionism

Journaling for Professional Development

Dealing With Anxiety

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

Beating Self-Sabotage

Are You a Positive or Negative Thinker?

Self-Determination Theory

Cognitive Restructuring

Developing Self-Awareness

Stress Diaries

Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking and Positive Thinking

Mindfulness

The post Self-Worth and Thought Awareness – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

Just for the fun of it, I recently tried to keep track of how many times I looked at my smartphone over a two-day period. After about half a day, I didn't feel like carrying on with my experiment. By 1 o'clock in the afternoon, I had already looked at my phone 32 times! By the end of two days, I had clocked up 150 logins.

I felt like a slave to my gadgets - until I did a quick search on the internet to find out how often other people do it. The average is about 110 times a day.

I read a while back that attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. It is a skill and an art to pay attention to what needs your attention right now. Although I felt slightly better knowing that I looked at my phone less than the average person, it caused me to wonder how much attention I really pay to the world around me.

This brings me to the question: Is your mind full or are you mindful? If it's the first one, you're probably operating on autopilot. If it's the second one, you may still have a lot going on but you spend focused time on each activity at the right time and in the right place. And that's what we learned more about during our #MTtalk Twitter chat on Friday September 30, when we discussed "Here, Now - The Mindful Manager."

Here are the questions we asked and some answers from participants:

Questions about "Here, Now - The Mindful Manager"

Question 1: What is mindfulness?

@jkrewardian: Mindfulness is a high state of awareness of your surroundings, community and behaviors - so that you're living in the moment.

@TwisterKW: Being aware of self, of others and of the moment.

Question 2: Does one need to meditate to be mindful? Please explain.

Most of our participants said that it's not necessary, but it helps to heighten your awareness.

@jeremypmurphy: No, not necessarily. But meditation builds a much stronger foundation for being mindful, being fully present.

@temekoruns: It's unique. Some need guided assistance while others can be always tuned into being reflective of behaviors and purpose.

Question 3: What negative connotations does the word "mindfulness" have?

@MicheleDD_MT: Some view it as unproductive – wasting time, especially in results oriented environments that thrive on multitasking.

@Dwyka_Consult: Some people think ‪mindfulness is very touchy-feely and not work related.

Question 4: What are the costs of not being mindful at work?

The cost of not being mindful at work seems to be far-reaching. It has an influence on goals, productivity, and most of all on our work relationships.

@Midgie_MT: Costs … errors, misunderstandings, wasted time to redo things, responding inappropriately, or even loss of a client.

@MikeBarzacchini: Every moment I'm not mindful, I drift farther from my goals.

@sabywaraich: Some costs of not being mindful at work: Disengagement, loss of trust, weak leadership, loss of productivity.

@Yolande_MT: If you're not mindful you may not notice subtle shifts in the mood or motivation of your team.

Question 5: How can you tell if someone is being mindful? What are some of the signs?

@amypen64: They stop and talk to you. They don't touch the phone or computer. They give their all.

@MindfulPathway: I can feel it - I sense the focus, the attention, the care, the ease, the grounding, it oozes from the pores of their skin.

Question 6: What might some personal benefits be to a manager who is mindful at work?

@sistadahealer: They are able to better read and understand their employees/clients; connect with their teams/clients better.

@tweetgayusri: The mindful manager knows how to deal with their emotions constructively.

@harrisonia: Personal benefits to a mindful manager at work = having an accurate sense of the current, unspoken team climate, good or bad.

Question 7: How might a manager's mindfulness benefit his/her team?

@Ganesh_Sabari: Every team member evolves to become an effective manager in one's own right.

@LovelyMKumar: A mindful manager would be able to gauge his/her team’s needs. Even psycho and social needs.

@risktakermdu: Think as leader, not as a boss because you will be open for ideas and innovations that will benefit business.

It turns out that mindfulness is a great tool in a manager's toolkit!

Question 8: What do you do differently in your job when you're mindful?

From what participants said, it seems that we do almost everything better when we're mindful.

@OrganicLeaderVB: Listen and use words that create bridges not walls.

@danceswithlyons: Listen better, laugh more, breathe more easily, lead from my strengths, trust myself.

@geo_goud: Everything is different! You work better and faster, you have better communication with the team, reduce the stress.

@ZalkaB: You prioritize, you effectively communicate and you're able to deliver your best work and have the best attitude if problems occur.

Question 9: How can you be mindful in a workplace culture that doesn't recognize its benefits?

@drsonakaushal: Sharing the knowledge about it and caring makes the difference NOT expecting it from others.

@jeremypmurphy: Have the courage to be contrarian: the workplace will still be enriched by mindfulness, educate others, teach/coach.

Question 10: How might you help an employee become more mindful?

@BrainBlenderTec: By building a corporate culture of understanding and presence.

@SAPTAonline: You can help someone become mindful by teaching them about grace, with grace.

@MikeBarzacchini: Practice and model: Open door, open mind, open dialogue.

Our Twitter poll this week is about the link between mindfulness and creativity in the workplace. Please cast your vote here:

https://twitter.com/Mind_Tools/status/782804858218942464

Next time, on #MTtalk...

We've learned that mindfulness creates an atmosphere of openness, comfort, learning, and sharing. In a relaxed, calm atmosphere, we make it easier for people to find creative ways of dealing with challenges. On October 14, we're discussing "Sparking Creativity in the Workplace." As always, it will take place at 1 pm EST (6 pm BST).

We'd love you to join us on Twitter to learn more about how you solve problems in a creative way.

To participate in the chat, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on "All Tweets" and you'll be able to follow the live chat feed. To join the conversation, simply include #MTtalk in your tweet and it will show up in the chat feed.

Resources

In the meantime, if you'd like to learn more about being a mindful manager, here are some resources:

• Mindfulness
• 8 Ways to Improve Your Powers of Observation
• Empathic Listening
• How to Manage Defensive People
• Mindful Listening
• A Leader's Mood

The post Here, Now - the Mindful Manager – #MTtalk appeared first on Mind Tools.

It's easy to think that there's not much "going on upstairs" for those that are sitting silently in your meeting but, often, this is a gross underestimation. There are an infinite number of reasons why a person might be inclined to silence in a meeting situation, but not having anything to say is usually not the most pressing.

It's not that silent attendees have nothing to say. It's more like they are lost for words... that their brain has temporarily severed the brain–vocal cord connection - something that, no doubt, we have all experienced at some time or another.

Have you ever forgotten someone's name not three seconds after having been introduced to him or her? Or have you ever had to do a simple sum while someone was watching and waiting for your answer, and realized that you suddenly can't add two simple numbers together? When people get caught up in these types of situations, they find themselves unable to verbalize – or even think – clearly, and they lose their physical voice… but that’s not to say that their minds are as silent as their mouths. If you've ever lost your physical voice, you'll know how the mental voice does the talking for both.

Theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking once said that, "Quiet people have the loudest minds," and I'm inclined to believe him.

Everyone experiences mental chatter but, for some people, it can be crippling. Think about that team member who is usually silent in your meetings, but who works well, is intelligent and pretty eloquent in everyday interactions at work. While you look expectantly at him across the meeting room table, he may seem confident and ready to participate in the discussion, but you can bet that there's a cacophony of chatter in his mind.

Mental chatter can be useful in helping us to process our thoughts and actions, and it gives us a way of testing out what we are about to say before we say it – invaluable when we're negotiating about something. However, when it becomes overwhelming, it interferes with our actions. It can cause a kind of "short circuit" which halts our words and prevents us from taking any action at all. So, when your boss is waiting for your response to his question, your brain is talking to you about anything and everything bar the subject that it's meant to be focusing on.

When the chatter becomes overwhelming, we are too focused on ourselves. One way to combat this mental chatter is to focus on what others are saying.

Our article on How to Get Your Voice Heard in Meetings suggests ways to do this. These techniques can offer you a way out of your own thoughts while enabling you to become involved in the discussion. The great thing about this is that, the more you practice these techniques, the more focused and confident you will become in speaking up.

With the techniques featured in our article, you can find a way not only to quieten your thoughts but also to set free those great ideas that have been racing around your mind, bursting to get out.

Have you ever struggled to get your words out in meetings? How did you overcome this? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below. 

The post Lost for Words? Or Cat Got Your Tongue? appeared first on Mind Tools.