After all, if we only do the minimum required of us, we probably won't get very far. So, if you've set your sights on world domination (or perhaps just that promotion you've always wanted), use these 18 tips to make it a reality.

Be the Best People Person

People skills are one of the most sought-after competencies valued by employers. When you work well with others, it improves productivity, creativity and job satisfaction. So, let's kick-start our top tips list by looking at what you can do to become a better people person.

1. Be a Great Communicator

Being able to communicate well – in person and in writing – is an essential skill in most workplaces. But, it's also one that is often forgotten about. In fact, a study from the National Commission on Writing reveals that blue-chip companies spend as much as $3.1 billion on writing training.

The ability to express yourself eloquently can mean the difference between getting noticed and being overlooked. Write a bad email and all anyone will remember is your poor grammar. But write one that is clear, concise and interesting, and you'll likely find that people will respond to your message quickly and positively.

2. Nurture Your Work Relationships

People skills are as important in the workplace as technical ability. These kinds of "interpersonal skills" can help you to collaborate, communicate, manage conflict, motivate, increase productivity, solve problems, and network.

When you have good working relationships you'll likely be more happy and engaged at work, too. In fact, a 2023 study revealed that positive workplace relationships can help you to avoid burnout, exhaustion and even loneliness.

3. Listen!

It can be all too easy to "tune out" sometimes. Whether you're really focused and "in flow," or you're easily distracted by emails and other minor tasks, maybe you just aren't paying enough attention to the person who's talking to you. Whatever the case, you're not alone. It seems that most of us aren't great listeners. Indeed, research suggests that we remember between just 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear!

But listening is vital if you want to succeed at work. It can help you to take in information, learn from others, build relationships, and take direction. Active listening is one of the ways you can improve your ability to listen. It involves making a conscious effort to hear not only the words someone is saying, but the key messages that they are trying to express.

4. Know How to Work With Your Boss

If you're lucky, you'll have a boss that you respect, like and admire. If you're not so lucky, however, you may have one who, for whatever reason, you just don't "click" with. If this happens, it can have a significant impact on your happiness and your productivity.

Ultimately, the onus is on you to make the relationship work. Your boss will likely have several other people to manage, so their relationship with you may not always be at the top of their list. But it should be at the top of yours! Find out more about their preferred management style. Then, adapt your own working style to suit it. Do they like to receive information in person, or prefer email? How do they tend to handle bad news? Do they like to micromanage people or are they happy to delegate tasks?

Be the Best at Taking Initiative

When you take the initiative, you take control of your career. This might be as simple as learning to organize your workload effectively. Or, it could be more complex – for example, seeking out new opportunities and understanding the purpose behind the work you do. Here are some tips for doing this:

5. Prioritize Your Goals

With so many demands on your time, it's easy to get distracted and lose sight of your main goals. Start each day by prioritizing your To-Do List, and focusing your attention on the top three items. This will help you to manage your time effectively, and to concentrate on the objectives that matter the most. And, if you're really swamped, don't be afraid to ask for help, to delegate tasks, or even to say "no" sometimes.

6. Challenge Yourself

Feeling comfortable and confident in a job likely means that you're doing it well. But, if you're finding it all too easy, you may begin to feel bored and unfulfilled.

Sure, you could carry on and "coast" your way through. But this probably isn't going to get you very far in the long term. Instead, stay challenged by setting yourself some new goals. Learn a new skill, go on a training course, or ask your boss for more responsibility. Not only will you be pegged as a "self starter," you'll also get the chance to broaden your skills, and to engage in new ways of thinking. It may even open up opportunities to work on different projects and with different people.

7. Get out of Your "Comfort Zone"

Stepping outside of your comfort zone is – unsurprisingly – uncomfortable! You might feel exposed, or worry that you'll look stupid. However, if you avoid taking opportunities when they present themselves, you'll never know just how far you can go.

Yes, doing something new can be scary. It might also mean more pressure and more work. But, it can also push you to perform better. It can make you more resilient, give you the flexibility to take risks and cope with unexpected problems, and help you to overcome fear of failure.

8. Remember the Bigger Picture

Do you know why you do the work that you do? What's its purpose? Why is it meaningful to you? And how does it help the business to achieve its goals?

Understanding how the work that you do benefits your organization can improve your performance. It adds purpose to your work, helps you to prioritize your tasks more effectively, and enables you to identify tasks or areas of the business that can be made more efficient.

Be the Best Learner

It's never too late to learn a new skill. In fact, building up your knowledge and skills is often a lifetime pursuit. So, start your learning journey today by following these tips:

9. Build Expertise and Share It!

Having a specialized skill or excelling in a particular task can put you "in demand." Even more so if you have deep knowledge of a subject that is highly sought after – for instance, analytical thinking, creative thinking or resilience.

Being the "go-to" person for a particular task or topic can enhance your reputation and allow you to help others. It can also lead to opportunities to work on high-profile tasks, and may even result in promotion. But remember that building expertise takes dedication and resolve. So, be prepared to put the time in!

10. Know Your Stuff

Rapid advances in technology, along with global political and financial developments, mean that change is fast-paced and unpredictable. And, if you don't make an effort to keep up with these changes, it can result in missed opportunities or getting left behind.

Combat this by making it a priority to stay up-to-date with your industry. Join a trade organization, attend trade shows or conferences, read blogs, and connect with industry leaders and colleagues on social media sites like LinkedIn or Twitter.

11. Set Aside Time for "Deep Work"

We live in an age of distractions. Email, social media, instant messaging, office politics, unnecessary meetings… even the weather! All of these things can cause you to lose focus on the tasks that really matter. In fact, some studies suggest that knowledge workers lose up to three hours a day because of distractions. And this can cost businesses 14 to 15 times more than absenteeism due to health-related issues.

Sure, it might be hard to ignore the 150 WhatsApp messages that you've just received. But, if you really want to produce quality work, you and your phone will need to part ways (temporarily at least). This is where "deep work" can help. It involves pushing distractions to one side, and giving yourself the time and space to really focus on challenging and complicated tasks. This has a number of benefits. For example, it can help you to build expertise and knowledge, and give you a greater sense of fulfillment and achievement.

Be the Best Professional

What qualities make you a true professional? Is it the way you dress? Your charismatic charm? Or, is it your ability to learn from your mistakes? Take a look at our tips on what it takes to be the ultimate professional:

12. Make Mistakes (and Learn From Them)

We've all had that sudden sinking feeling when we realize that we've made a mistake. But it's how you handle these "bloopers" that really matters. Do you, for instance, tend to "run for the hills" and hope that no one notices? Pass the blame onto someone else? Or, do you "fess up" and do your best to remedy the situation?

It can be hard to swallow your pride and take ownership of the mistakes that you make. But, it is only by doing this that you will ultimately learn from them.

13. Ask for Feedback and Use It!

It can be difficult to hear criticism, particularly when it's unexpected. But, if you don't get any feedback at all, you may begin to wonder whether your work is valued or even noticed.

Why not take the initiative? Ask for feedback from managers and colleagues. Not only will you be seen as a proactive member of the team, but the advice and insight that they provide will likely help you to improve your performance, too.

14. Protect Your Professional Reputation

Your reputation is what you're known for. It encompasses your personality, your skills, your values, and your temperament.

It can take time and effort to build up a good reputation, but just moments to destroy it. This means that you need to put the work in if you want to protect and maintain it. Do this by carrying out a personal SWOT analysis to assess your skills, and to create a plan for developing the professional traits and abilities that you want to be known for.

Be the Best Leader

You don't have to be a manager to be a leader. And, in fact, many businesses want people to demonstrate leadership skills, even if they're in a junior role. So, why not tap into your leadership potential today by following the tips, below:

15. Develop Leadership Skills

One of the major "pain points" for businesses is the lack of leadership skills among their employees – even those who are in senior or highly technical roles. Research shows that the best and most successful leaders are those who encourage learning and listen to feedback and ideas. And that this, in turn, can help teams to become more resilient and effective.

So, if you've set your sights on a promotion, why wait? Start preparing today by broadening your skill set to include listening, empathy, problem solving, and negotiation. And acquaint yourself with different leadership styles, such as Transformational Leadership, Action Centered Leadership and Adaptive Leadership.

16. Get Yourself Noticed

Have you ever completed a piece of work that you were really proud of, only for it to go unnoticed?

Feeling as though your work isn't valued or even acknowledged can be deeply demoralizing and frustrating. But, there are ways you can improve your visibility at work. Building a strong network of allies, for instance, can help, as can tracking your accomplishments, taking on additional responsibilities, or finding a mentor or coach whom you respect and who can help you develop your skills and career.

Be the Best You

Wherever your career takes you, and whatever role or organization you find yourself in, the one constant will be you. So, cherish your uniqueness, stand up for your values and beliefs, and always be yourself! The following tips can help you to do just that:

17. Learn How to Cope With Stress

It can be easy to get caught up in negative thoughts sometimes, particularly if you've made a mistake, received some poor feedback, or work in a high-pressure job. But, real problems can occur if you allow these thoughts to take over, such as low self-confidence, poor self-esteem, or even depression and anxiety. All of these things can impact your productivity and performance – setting the whole cycle in motion once again.

Remember that setbacks and stress are a part of everyone's life. You can either crumple under the pressure or find strategies to help you cope. These could include mindfulness, affirmations or cognitive restructuring.

Most of all, know when to stop. It can be hard to switch off, particularly when you're surrounded by "always on" devices, like smartphones or tablets. But learning how to relax – really relax – will help you to recharge, stay calm and avoid burnout.

18. Be Yourself

Pretending to be someone else or being a "yes man" (or woman) can be exhausting, confining and demoralizing. It can also hold you back from reaching your true potential. But, when you stay true to yourself and your values, you'll find that you can express your thoughts and ideas much more clearly and confidently. And you'll have a reputation for integrity that will earn the trust and respect of your peers.

Yes, it may sometimes mean "going against the grain" or taking the harder road. But it also allows you to live a more authentic and, ultimately, more rewarding life.

Related Resources

If you want to delve deeper into some of the topics we've discussed in this blog, check out our list of recommended related resources below (please note, to access some resources in full you'll need to be a Mind Tools member):

How Self-Motivated Are You?
Managing Your Career
The Power of Good Habits
Developing a Career Strategy
Pink's Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose Framework
What You're Really Meant to Do, with Robert Steven Kaplan
Plan Your Career From Here
Working With Purpose
What Are Your Values?
Job Crafting

About the Author:

Senior Editor Lucy Bishop started her working life selling ice cream in a theme park. She now heads up the video learning team at Mind Tools, and gets involved at every stage – from writing and editing scripts, to auditioning actors, to running filming days. Lucy’s a committed member of our neurodiversity panel, where she helps Mind Tools to reflect and support all forms of neurodivergence. She’s also fascinated by new technology and is currently learning about AI – especially its impact on learners. Her favorite advice is, “Before asking someone else to fix something for you, see if you can learn to do it yourself.”  

The post 18 Ways to Be the Best You Can Be appeared first on Mind Tools.

But the other day, over dinner, we covered the ground. There was the usual stuff: the lamentable state of our respective sports teams, domestic politics, the cost of living. That sort of thing.

We also chatted about his job. And I was startled. His entire focus was on his Key Performance Indicators, or KPIs. He's a white-collar professional. His role doesn't involve working in a warehouse or delivering goods.

He's done both of those as vacation jobs – and has a healthy respect for those who do – but I'd assumed that he'd escaped the world of monitored restroom breaks and endless quotas.

OK, so his current employers are human. They don't have the stopwatch on him when he takes a comfort break. But he still exists in a world where every aspect of his productivity is measured.

I have it easy. Write article, hit deadline, move on. I've got goals, sure, but they aren't relentlessly measured. So I was concerned for him.

Measurement Defines the World We Live in

Measurement is all around us. That's particularly apparent to digital natives, like my son. There's a metric for everything, from sales success to personal fitness. And don't get me started on sports.

But all this is nothing new. Measurement is something seemingly inherently human. We are the quantifying animal – and have been since someone carved tally marks on a wolf's jawbone back in the Stone Age.

Measurement underpins our attempts to impose order and understanding on the world. All that's fundamentally changed is the technology.

And as James Vincent points out in his book "Beyond Measure: The Hidden History of Measurement," measurement has had a checkered history.

Measurement and Civilization

In Ancient Egypt, people believed you could measure the physical weight of a human soul. More practically, they built great chambers to measure the flooding depth of the River Nile. They're called nilometers. (Well, what else would you call them?)

These structures allowed Egyptian officials to gauge the likely depth of the Nile's flooding, and hence the fertility of next year's soil. Pretty vital if you needed to know how much food there'd be to go around.

Also handy for predicting things like civil unrest because people were hungry. In any case, measurement had already become an essential tool for civilized government.

Fairness for All?

As societies developed, measurement came to embody new ideas and principles. The French Revolution introduced new standards of measurement: the meter and the kilogram. These swept away the hundreds, if not thousands, of different regional standards that had been used throughout France.

Since the Middle Ages, these standards had favored merchants and landowners who were already rich and powerful. The meter and kilogram replaced them with something new: fairness.

However, measurement isn't a neutral tool; it can be used for darker purposes. In the 17th century, improved surveying techniques allowed land to be parceled out accurately and quickly. So far, so good.

But Oliver Cromwell promptly used these techniques to dispossess the rebellious Irish. European settlers then used them to appropriate the lands of native people in America.

The British Empire was built on high-quality, precisely measured maps. Everyone needed to know who owned what, and who no longer did.

A Measure of Common Sense

I mentioned this double-edged character of measurement when talking to my son. Sure, he said, everything's measured. But that's OK. His KPIs give him structure and direction in his work.

And I remembered that fitness-measurement apps had helped his brother to stave off depression during the COVID lockdown.

So maybe my concern about my son's KPIs was over the top. I'm his dad, and I want him to be happy. And as Vincent observes, measurement is a useful tool. It should promote happiness.

As long as it does that, and we're all aware of its potential to do the opposite, it's a good thing. And it's not like we're going to stop doing it any time soon anyway.

Download Our "Beyond Measure" Book Insight

Mind Tools reviews the best new business and self-development books, alongside the tested classics, in our monthly Book Insight for the Mind Tools Club.

So, if you're a Club member or enterprise licensee, you can download or stream the full "Beyond Measure" Book Insight in text or audio format.

Do you measure many aspects of your life? Does it help? Let us know your thoughts in the Comments, below!

The post Measurement: Taking a Measured Approach appeared first on Mind Tools.

Last year, a quarter of Americans reported feeling loneliness for much of their day. And now, while many offices have reopened in the wake of the pandemic, working from home is still the norm for most of us who are able to work remotely. This means we're missing out on valuable watercooler chats in the office, carpooling with old friends, and meeting new co-workers in person. Working from home certainly has its perks, but it sure can be lonely.

It's no surprise, then, that the theme for this year's Mental Health Awareness Week in the U.K. (coinciding with Mental Health Awareness Month in the U.S.) is loneliness.

Effects of Loneliness

Loneliness can have a hugely negative impact on our lives, at home and at work. It's one of the HALT Risk States, meaning it can undermine your performance and trigger self-sabotage.

Prolonged loneliness will take its toll on your mental health and can lead to depression, anxiety and increased stress. It can even harm your physical health, too. And it's a vicious cycle – feeling lonely can further isolate someone because of the stigma attached to it.

But one country that seems to have banished workplace loneliness is Sweden. How? With a tasty tradition called fika.

What Is Fika?

You've probably heard of "fika" before, as multiple café chains use it in their names.

Fika is defined as "a break from activity during which people drink coffee, eat cakes or other light snacks, and relax with others." (Oxford English Dictionary)

Introduced in the 1900s, fika is a deeply rooted tradition in Sweden. So much so that many Swedish firms now have mandatory fika breaks. It allows workers to slow down and socialize. Fika breaks usually take place at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. in the workplace, but Swedes also take them out of office hours. They consider it an important and beneficial part of their daily lives.

And the proof is in the pudding! Swedish workers are some of the least stressed and most productive in the world. Many believe that this is thanks to the country's fika tradition.

So how can we take inspiration from Sweden?

How to Deal With Loneliness

Here are some ways that fika can inspire us to combat loneliness, whether working remotely or in the office.

Coffee Buddies

When lockdown forced us to close the office and start working from home, I was anxious about the change. I'm a creature of habit and had grown fond of the office and, even more so, the office dogs. A few weeks will be fine, I thought. But once it became clear that the Coronavirus wasn't going to "blow over in a couple weeks," and that working from home would be the new normal, I worried for my working relationships and feared missing out on news from other teams. Like everyone else, I soon started to miss my friends and co-workers (and the office dogs, of course!) and loneliness became my housemate.

My employer responded well to the pandemic, and set up a "coffee buddies" program. Each fortnight, I would be paired with someone else from the company and we would be prompted to set up a virtual meeting to have a chat and get to know one another. There was no time limit, so we could go at our own pace and enjoy the virtual company. I loved meeting colleagues new and old, and it certainly made me feel less lonely in lockdown.

Create a Culture of Connecting

There are lots of other initiatives that workplaces can instill to build a connected company culture and keep employee loneliness at bay. For example, why not start a chess tournament or book club?

These can easily be set up online or in the office, and allow you and your co-workers to learn a new skill, or spend time doing what you love. And it helps the business – employees who play hard, work hard.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness

It has been found time and time again that being kind makes us happier.

So, if you suspect someone might be suffering from loneliness, invite them to a fika break! A quick check-in that they're OK will defend you from loneliness, too. Or, could you try volunteering in your local community? This gives you the chance to meet new people, and boost your self-esteem.

A little kindness goes a long way – for everyone.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

In Sweden, it would be frowned upon to decline a fika invitation without a good reason. But socializing should be done on your own terms. A coffee break with a colleague isn't the perfect solution to everyone's loneliness, after all. However, fika is as much about taking the time to slow down as it is about socializing.

It may sound counterintuitive to embrace being alone when you experience loneliness, but it can be empowering. I've enjoyed trips to the cinema, dinners out, and even holidays alone before. And I think they made me more resilient to lockdown loneliness.

By choosing to spend some time alone, you protect yourself from burnout and hurry sickness. It allows time for reflection and rest. I think often we're afraid of solitude, but it can be nice in small doses.

Final Thoughts on Fika

It's important that employees feel able to take the time out of their working day to build connections. Building relationships with co-workers will not only improve employee well-being, but it will also help to break down silos and enhance collaboration.

I hope other workplaces can take inspiration from Sweden and encourage their teams to slow down and connect with one another this Mental Health Awareness Week.

So what are you waiting for? Grab a coffee, a cake and a willing colleague!

The post Beating Loneliness With Fika: Sweden's Fix for Happier Workforces appeared first on Mind Tools.

"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life, I see so much magic, though I missed it at that time!"

Jamie Cullum, jazz musician

When you think about all those past memories of childhood, school and college, though at the time they looked quite ordinary, now they feel different and special.

Yet we don't want to be ordinary, we're pushed by society, social media, our surroundings to become extraordinary. Because the assumption is, no one is leading an ordinary life. The gadgets, the holidays, the food, the relationships, the career success all seem so extraordinary.

Pressure to Be Extraordinary

Society is pushing us toward more, something better, and there is never enough. Hundreds of online articles teach us how to stand out, how to be extraordinary. Being ordinary is not cool. No matter what, your worth is justified when you have become better, faster and stronger.

There is nothing wrong in striving to become extraordinary, but let it be a choice. We can't be extraordinary in everything we turn our hands to, and the extraordinary comes with a price and many sacrifices.

One famous Indian cricketer, when retiring, apologized to his kids for missing the experience of their first tooth, parent-teacher meetings, their sports accomplishments, and not being by their side when they needed him most. He also apologized to his family for missing many festivals and weddings, and not being there when they were grappling with some serious illnesses.

Appreciating the Ordinary

Have you ever been mobbed, chased and talked about by the media? Maybe you want to be. But maybe instead we should value and celebrate the ordinary. Because it means that you can engage in any activity without being bothered by the public!

Where does this idea of having to be extraordinary come from? Is it ego, peer pressure, or the race to happiness?

Finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

The ego always wants to be special, different, and of great value. Ego wants constant validation from others.

But life is hidden in its ordinariness. To do something ordinarily is the most extraordinary thing in life. For instance, think about the time you were confined to the bed after an illness, and walked for the first time after three months. That walk seemed extraordinary. Such reminders are good ways to experience the extraordinary in ordinary activities.

I remember when I was a child my parents put me in different hobby classes, because every summer I used to get curious about something else! One neighbor was really concerned and worried. She told my parents that this way I'd never become an extraordinary Kathak dancer (an Indian style of dance). My father replied that it was okay, because being exposed to all forms of music meant I'd appreciate and enjoy more!

Judging the Ordinary

People often make judgments about others' ordinariness as well. Often it's things like, "She has ordinary looks," "He comes from an ordinary background," or "Their holidays are quite ordinary." And finally, "This thought is so ordinary!"

By the way, people making these kinds of comments surely have nothing extraordinary to focus on in their life!

I don't want to take any side, but the race we are in to become extraordinary pushes me to give another perspective. Think about it: being ordinary, in any area, makes us grounded, humble, and in awe of that person who does it well. I think my team member is extraordinary in this, and it reminds me that, although I'm his manager, I have a greater dependency on him.

And to end on a philosophical note: ordinary or extraordinary, we all are destined to one end – a beautiful end – death.

Celebrating the Ordinary

During the #MTtalk Twitter chat this week, we talked about society's focus on the extraordinary and how we can better celebrate the ordinary. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. What words do you associate with "ordinary"?

@ThakoreVu Simple.

@lg217 The words that I associate with ordinary are: regular, original, normal, and down the middle.

Q2. What's there to celebrate about being ordinary/doing ordinary things?

@Yolande_MT Ordinary actions can become winning habits – such as getting up early, making your bed, and meditating or exercising.

@TheTomGReid Even when you are ordinary, or average, you will still be uniquely you with, perhaps, an extraordinary combination of ordinary traits.

Q3. Does ordinary mean unambitious, yes or no? Why?

@DrKashmirM To me it means being satisfied with life. Treating life as it comes.

@SarahH_MT Therein lies the problem! Ordinary does mean unambitious much of the time. I was talking to someone about a Police Officer who spent his career "walking the beat" with no ambition to move up the ranks. So what? I asked. Was he a good PO? Yes. So celebrate him!

Q4. Do you remember when you were first being pushed to be extraordinary? What happened?

@MikeB_MT Not sure if I've ever done well when the person pushing is anyone other than myself. That may be a weakness and a strength. When I push myself, my mantra is to strive for good, better, best. So, I may start at ordinary.

@Yolande_MT I experienced much pressure from pre-school age to be extraordinary/an over-achiever. At times it paralyzed me with fear of failure, at times it blinded me to what I had achieved, and at times it motivated me.

Q5. How does the thought of having to be extraordinary all the time make you feel/react?

@lg217 I would say exhausting and stressful because there is a lot involved to be extraordinary. There are times when I want to be ordinary and just be normal and do normal everyday things.

@SoniaH_MT The thought of having to be extraordinary ALL OF THE TIME, brings me anxiety for trying to keep up with someone else's expectations. Let me be me.

Q6. Why do we dismiss the ordinary and only view extraordinary as something to celebrate?

@ThiamMeka2Gogue I think it's lack of practicing mindfulness: paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. Every breath we take and every heartbeat is an extraordinary miracle that we should celebrate!

@SarahH_MT We're constantly bombarded by the media and online with extraordinary stories of what some amazing people have achieved. Whilst these can be inspirational and should be celebrated, it naturally infers ordinary is not valued as much, as it gets no attention.

Q7. If we celebrate the ordinary, do we under-value the extraordinary?

@Dwyka_Consult Both are important. We shouldn't celebrate one at the expense of the other. It doesn't have to be either/or.

@Midgie_MT I believe that by celebrating the ordinary, we can acknowledge the simple things in life that are good enough. We can still acknowledge the extraordinary, simply with a different intention.

Q8. What is your opinion of someone who does ordinary things consistently well?

@PmTwee When we say "consistent" it does not matter whether it is ordinary or not, the delivery is done well.

@TheTomGReid There is much credit to be given for those who are reliable and dependable. You never see the crew that goes in at night to maintain the amusement park rides, but we are all grateful for their abilities and dependability.

Q9. What ordinary actions that give you pleasure/make you feel accomplished will you do more of?

@LernChance To reserve time for myself and things that are important to me.

@J_Stephens_CPA Ordinary pleasures – curling up with a book; cooking up something in the kitchen (with a recipe as a suggestion). Feel accomplished – knocking out another 250 words on Aristotle.

Q10. How might we change the perception of "ordinary" from negative to positive?

@ColfaxInsurance Celebrate the little things more – that we do and others do. Forgive ourselves for not being extraordinary all the time. Be kinder to ourselves and others.

@letusthink2 I guess by de-stigmatizing the word… by parents not pushing their children to the brink of their boundaries, by accepting who you are as a whole, and, most importantly, realizing that you are unique in your own way.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat here.

Our Next #MTtalk

Celebrating the ordinary is a humanizing action because it means that everybody has a chance to feel seen and heard. Next time on #MTtalk we're going to discuss humanizing the workplace, how to do it, and why it's important.

So, in our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know which element you think is most important in humanizing the workplace.

Humanizing Resources

To get you thinking about "humanizing the workplace," we've compiled a list of resources for you to browse. (Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)

How to Be Conscientious

Managing People With Low Ambition

7 Tips for Effective File Management

How Can I Stop Procrastinating?

Overwhelmed at Work

Perfectionism

How to Deal With Anxiety

Multitasking

How Can Stoicism Help You at Work?

How to Be More Organized

What is Personal Empowerment?

The post Celebrating the Ordinary – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

The pandemic has affected people's working lives very differently. Some of us have carried on with our jobs throughout, or have been back in shared workplaces for a while now. Others are still locked down and working remotely. And of course, a significant number of people have lost their jobs – or are seriously worried about doing so.

After so much change, hardship – and heartbreak – and with so many things still uncertain, can we ever be happy again at work?

Lessons From Expert Voices

"Mind Tools Expert Voices" is our new podcast series where we delve into the archive of our 200+ Expert Interviews to find the insights that we need now.

In episode one, "How to Be Happy in the New Normal," my colleague Rachel Salaman takes us through some of the most useful wisdom she's gathered from her interviewees over the years on the subject of happiness, introducing clips from her chats with Dr Srikumar Rao, Daniel Goleman, Emma Seppala, Tal Ben-Shahar, and more.

Mixed Feelings About the "New Normal"

In many ways, I'm eager to get back to the office. I've missed catching up with my colleagues during breaks and lunchtimes, and getting to chat with people on other teams. I'm hungry to feel focused and creative again among a group of like-minded teammates. I'm sick of seeing a sea of faces on a virtual screen, and I've had enough of my own four walls at home. I even miss the office coffee.

Having said that…

What will it be like to battle the rush-hour traffic? To be around lots of people again? To cope with all of their fears and frustrations, as well as my own?

When we do return, we'll still have some COVID restrictions in place. So, for a while, it certainly won't be the same workplace I left – and it may never be again.

I want to feel excited about going back. I want to be happy again. But my feelings about this next phase are mixed, to say the least.

What Can I Do to Be Happy at Work?

It's tempting to assume that happiness either comes (or doesn't) from whatever happens to us. Right now, that can make us focus on other people's decisions, about things like where, when and how we work – and how we feel as a result.

But, according to many of Rachel's Expert Interview guests, we don't just have to react to what comes next. We can play a proactive role in determining how happy we feel.

"We Are Responsible For Our Own Happiness"

Those are the words of Annie McKee, a Senior Fellow at the University of Pennsylvania, and author of the book "How to Be Happy at Work." She wrote it well before COVID, but its key messages are more relevant than ever.

She talks about getting ownership of your experiences, being realistic but also hopeful, and taking small but meaningful steps toward greater happiness – for yourself and others.

Other experts we spoke to are equally optimistic. Daniel Goleman, the pioneer of Emotional Intelligence, explained how meditation can help us to find calm in periods of turbulence, and withstand the sorts of "emotional hijacks" that we'll likely face in the coming weeks and months.

And Emma Seppala from Stanford University told us about the "science of happiness" – including how to train your resilience and make better choices between negative and positive thoughts.

Go Easy On Yourself

Emma also focuses on compassion – for others, and ourselves – and that was a common theme among the experts that resonated particularly strongly with me.

I'm keen to do everything I can to be happy, and to help others to feel good too. But it was reassuring to be told to be gentle with myself while I'm doing it. To try my best, but not to expect perfection – or anything close.

Going back to work is bound to bring challenges that we haven't even anticipated. None of us knows how we're going to feel, and everyone's emotions will likely be raw for some time to come. So there's no point piling even more pressure on ourselves – and I've made a very clear mental note about self-compassion. That was something that came up in Rachel's chats with other top academics and authors such as Srikumar Rao, Tal Ben-Shahar, and Robert Kaplan, too.

Learning From the Experts

Mind Tools Expert Voices is our latest resource – a podcast that gathers ideas and insights from a range of renowned guests from our Expert Interviews series.

Expert Voices allows us to hear their thoughts on one particular theme. In the first episode, "How to Be Happy in the New Normal," we hear advice on creating a positive mindset, useful relaxation techniques, and methods for generating happiness even in the most trying circumstances.

If – like me – you've got complicated feelings about the next phase, and you're looking for ways to face it with more confidence, why not take time to hear what the experts have to say?

Listen to the First Episode of Mind Tools Expert Voices

Mind Tools Club Members and Corporate Licensees can listen to the full Expert Voices podcast now.

If you’re not a Mind Tools member, you can join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including a range of audio features. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team. 

How are you feeling about life after lockdown? Has the pandemic taken its toll on your positivity and passion? Share your experiences and tips in the comments section, below.

The post Will I Be Happy in the New Normal? - Mind Tools Expert Voices appeared first on Mind Tools.

Since then, George has been very generous in sharing more about his condition and how it impacts him at work. He has also shared with us how it affected his co-workers, how he had to educate those around him, and the plans that his organization has put in place to accommodate his condition.

Mental Health in the Workplace: George's Story

When George first started talking about his mental health concern, he said that he was suddenly experiencing severe anxiety attacks. He didn't understand what was happening, and neither did the people around him. At first he, and the people closest to him, merely tried to cope. They hoped it would go away. But the frequency of the attacks increased, and the added stress of not knowing when the next one would come, or how severe it would be, prompted him to seek help.

In George's own words, "I am a veteran, and I am living with PTSD related to my service time. This has come as a shock to me, as I left the service almost 35 years ago, but I have only recently been diagnosed."

Initially, George thought that the attacks were happening "out of the blue." But, he explained, "One thing that I am learning on this journey is that my symptoms have existed for a long time – over 30 years – but I've always managed them until recently."

Learning to Cope

What makes George's situation particularly tricky is that he works with clients. Because he can't preempt an anxiety attack, he's had to put measures in place that help him to cope with the situation without alarming his clients. There was also one time when he had to get out of the building suddenly while a client was waiting to see him.

George says, "I recommend that anyone who has similar symptoms that incapacitate them at work should have a designated, trusted 'buddy' to confide in, and as a 'go-to' when the symptoms become unmanageable. I also recommend having a protocol in place for when the staff member needs to remove themselves from the workplace, and backup staff who know how to manage any scheduled appointments in their absence.

"This is a very difficult and sensitive topic and needs to be managed with care and innovation sometimes. I am very fortunate that I have a very positive workplace and incredibly supportive managers."

George has also learned to be flexible about the condition, so that when an attack strikes he can manage it better. His managers and trusted colleagues (not everybody knows) have also learned to become more flexible and accepting, because nothing, in this case, is predictable.

Recently, however, George experienced a breach of trust by a colleague. Although it was a very uncomfortable situation to deal with at the time, he has since managed to use that incident as a "learning/teaching moment."

The Impact of Mental Health Issues at Work

George is not alone in his struggle. That's why we used our #MTtalk Twitter chat to discuss the impact of mental health issues at work. We hope that by talking about these issues, openly and honestly, we can raise awareness and help to eradicate the stigma that is often still attached to them.

Here are all of the questions we asked during the chat and some of the responses that we received:

Q1. As a manager, what can you do to support an employee with a mental health illness?

@JoynicoleM: Listen. Get informed. It's important to understand any challenges and necessary accommodations. Support and respect them and fight unconscious bias!
@FranklySandeep: As a manager you need to create an environment where everyone speaks up. The key to good mental health is "no baggage."

Q2. How does a manager handle an employee's mental health issues and preserve confidentiality? What do you do when the confidentiality of an employee's illness has been breached?

@LorenMargolis: Confidentiality and discretion are paramount both for trust, ethics and potential legal reasons. If breaches, share with the employee immediately and confidentially and discreetly seek guidance from HR.
@Midgie_MT: Other employees do not need to know the details, other than there is a valid need to make adjustments or to accommodate the person.

Q3. How do you handle team members who complain when taking on extra work to accommodate a colleague with a mental health illness?

Many participants suggested regularly reminding people that, if they should need help, the team will always "have their backs." Some other tips from our chat were:

@Jikster2009: As the organisation I work for has very clear Health & Wellbeing guidelines and a culture of supporting each other, I would expect the colleague to be empathetic and discuss what challenges they are facing with their increased workload.
@Leadershipz: Trust and collaboration needs to be present within the team ahead of time for the team to function at high level. With #interdependence, team members won't be bothered with temporary extra work without needing to know why.

Q4. Where do you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable impact on the team?

@JKatzaman: The line between acceptable and unacceptable impact upon the team is when morale suffers, the atmosphere threatens to become toxic and productivity suffers.
@harrisonia: If a person's mental illness is creating a domino effect of decreased productivity, it's time to draw the line and bring in a mental health professional to diffuse or address the situation.

Q5. What kind of comments/questions should you avoid when talking to a colleague about his/her mental health issue?

The responses we got for this question could fill a page or two. So, we've put some of the best tips and comments we received, below:

@MicheleDD_MT: "Snap out if it." "You'll get over it." "I know how you feel."
@BrainBlenderTec: When do you think you'll be cured? Is there a pill you can take? Listen more, talk less; most times the best help is knowing someone is in your corner.
@Yolande_MT: Don't become their coach, mother or advisor. That's not your role to play, unless they specifically ask you. Also, if they asked you for help today, it doesn't mean you should intrude in their privacy tomorrow. Show some discretion.

James, a regular participant whom we know as @Jikster2009, added that well-meaning individuals often don't realize that what they say can make things worse. He cited a few of the statements to steer clear of: "Cheer up, I'm sure it can't be that bad," "Why do you think you feel this way?" and "Man up."

Another contributor, @bodytextpro, agreed: "Man Up is a lethal phrase." As did @Limha75, who said, "Man up is AWFUL!! Shame on 'em."

Q6. If you're the manager, how honest should you be with your team if you have a mental health issue?

@KrisGiere: This depends on where you are at with your own understanding and coping with it. Are you comfortable being a self-advocate? Are you ready to field questions? Take care of yourself first, so that you can be honest with others in time.
@jeremypmurphy: Managers owe their employees some basic duty of transparency, maybe to the extent of: "I'm struggling with this/encountering unexpected challenges." But don't be too specific or it can negatively affect employees' health, carrying manager's new burden(s).

Q7. If you have a mental health issue that sometimes impacts your ability to work, how might you raise it with your manager?

@SailorsBen: I feel that your relationship with your boss is the most important aspect of this question. Depending on the relationship, if you have trust, you can disclose things you're comfortable with. Otherwise I would just express that you have health challenges that need care.
@ShereesePubHlth: You raise it with human resources, as a protective measure. Human resources will inform your manager on a "least amount of info needed to ensure continued work force [basis]". There should be a clear policy for this.
@SaifuRizvi: It would be easier to open up to a manager whom you believe is a human first and a manager second.

Q8. How can you help others understand your mental health issue and how can you best respond to people who minimize it?

@MicheleDD_MT: Talk about your experience and educate others about it. Talking about it increases understanding... many will apologize for their ignorance or insensitivity when you do.
@bodytextpro: It can be a massive additional burden for the sufferer to have to educate their manager/HR dept, but staying silent doesn't help! Sometimes you have to fall back on information from online advocacy/support groups to do the talking for you.

Q9. What would you do if your mental health issues were caused by work?

At Mind Tools, we try to encourage people to explore alternative solutions to workplace problems before making the decision to quit. However, it was interesting to see just how many people said that they'd leave their job because they valued their mental health over it.

@GenePetrovLMC: To me, it would be worth it to leave that work. I wouldn't want the work-induced illness to cause issues in other parts of my life – family, for instance.
@d78stock: I'd approach my manager about my health challenges and explain that I identified work as the main source and ask if adjustments can be made. If there wasn’t understanding and support I'd go to higher up. If again I had no luck I would go to HR or consider leaving.
@BrainBlenderTec: This is where you waltz out the door, as you can have many jobs but only one life – so be happy as much as you can.

Q10. What can you do in your workplace to help destigmatize mental health issues?

@Yolande_MT: Watch your language. Don't refer to a person as their illness. You don't say, "John is flu." Why do you say "John is bipolar"? "John has flu" and "John has bipolar disorder." A person's illness isn't their total existence – it's one part.
@Abby2810: Regularly talk about it and provide tools to support people in the workplace. Encourage openness and a non-judgemental culture to develop the trust from your workforce.
@TwinkleTutoring: When you feel well, challenge stigma when you see/hear it. Campaign. Raise awareness. Support others who are struggling and be the example to those who do not seem to understand MH. Do not collude with colleagues who maintain the stigma.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Storify summary of the chat, here.

Warning: You should take the advice of suitably qualified health professionals if you have any concerns over your mental health.

Resources

If you want learn more about managing mental illness in the workplace, here are some resources that could help:

• Understanding the Dark Triad
• Coping Under Pressure
• Albrecht's Four Types of Stress
• Working With Seasonal Affective Disorder
• Overcoming Fear of Failure
• The Breaking Point
• What Is Anger?
• Reducing Sick Leave
• Managing Highly Sensitive People
• How to Be Tactful

Mind Tools Club members can also access the full versions of the following articles:

• Dealing With Anxiety
• 8 Ways to Beat Loneliness in the Workplace
• Managing People With Autistic Spectrum Disorder
• Managing Your Boundaries
• Standing Up for Your People
• Minimizing Workspace Stress

If you want to learn more about mental health issues, or want to seek help for an issue you are currently dealing with, here are some organizations that may be able to help:

• United Kingdom: mind.org.uk
• Canada: cmha.ca
• United States: nami.org
• United States: www.samaritans.org
• United States: samaritanshope.org
• Australia: www.skylight.org.au
• India: www.mhinnovation.net/organisations/sangath
• South Africa: lifelinesa.co.za

The post The Impact of Mental Health Issues at Work - #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

McKee mentions those early career experiences in her new book, "How to Be Happy at Work." When I talked to her for our Expert Interview podcast, I asked her how she found happiness when she was doing that low-paid menial work.

Three factors pulled her through, and gave her a measure of happiness despite the insecurity that often accompanies that type of job. These were: purpose, or meaning; hope; and friendship. In McKee’s case, these three factors were intertwined.

Not Feeling Good About Yourself

"I remember one job I had, I was working for a woman named Mary. I was essentially cleaning her house and doing other tasks around her home," she recalls. "And, as anyone who's done that for pay knows, that can be hard.

"You maybe don't feel so good about yourself, especially if you think you could do more. But I needed that job, so I really didn't know what to do," added McKee.

McKee began to observe Mary, who was a successful accountant.

Watching and Learning

"I started watching how she was living her life, and I thought, 'Wow, I really admire what she's doing as a professional woman. Let me just open my eyes and see what in fact she's done,’" says McKee.

Over the next few months, the cleaner and her employer struck up a friendship.

"I think she saw something different in me, based on the questions I was asking her. Over time we developed a relationship that was really mentor-mentee. She really did help me see that I could do something better," she says.

"I was still cleaning her house, but I found a lot more meaning in that work. I had expanded the definition of my job to include these conversations with Mary. My relationship with Mary became part of my job, and the rest didn't feel as awful because of that," she adds.

The Value of Purpose, Hope and Friendship

Purpose, hope and friendship made all the difference. Now, McKee believes that those three elements can lead to happiness in any job, and her academic research backs up what she discovered all those years ago, when she was cleaning for Mary.

In "How to Be Happy at Work," McKee offers advice on finding – or creating – these three factors, if we feel they are lacking in our workplace.

When it comes to purpose or meaning, "we need to look for opportunities to make a difference," she says. For example, whatever our organization, "we can find ways to fix systems and processes that don't work very well. All of us can find ways to create, make and innovate in the workplace. We just need to lift our head up away from that computer and look around and see what we can do."

Where Do We Want to Go?

The second factor is hope. "In the workplace, we need to feel that where we're going is where we want to go, and it's got to be bigger than our job or our career," she says. "Then, of course, we need plans. We've got to actually try to get there, which means setting out some goals, setting out some milestones and some action steps, and then just marching forward."

And finally, there's friendship – a component of happiness that is mentioned less often than the other two, but is no less important.

"We need to feel that we belong," McKee says. "We need to feel that we're with people who are part of a tribe that we're proud to be a part of, too. [So we should] try to understand other people.

"Trust before you are trusted, give before you get – those are the kinds of actions that are going to create strong, positive relationships that will not only infuse us with a sense of meaning and happiness at work, but will help us carry on and get through the challenging times that we all experience in our jobs," added McKee.

Being Happy With a "Resonant Culture"

While she believes that the responsibility for a person's happiness rests firmly with that individual, organizations do have a role to play. If managers can create what she calls a "resonant culture," it will be much easier for team members to feel that all-important sense of purpose, hope and friendship.

In this audio clip, from our Expert Interview podcast, McKee shares her thoughts on creating a resonant culture at work:

Listen to the full 30-minute interview in the Mind Tools Club.

What are your top tips for finding happiness at work? Join the discussion below!

The post How to Be Happy at Work appeared first on Mind Tools.

So, your boss recommends you for a manager role, which you take. But soon you seem to be spending all your time in meetings, and you have so much paperwork that you swear you can hear your desk creaking under the weight. Eventually you find yourself asking, "When did I become so unhappy?"

Seeking progress for the sake of progress can often leave us feeling deflated, and even more unfulfilled than we did in a lower-ranking job. So, where's the line? Is there a conflict between ambition and happiness?

What's Happiness Got to Do With It?

For many of us, career success brings genuine happiness. But when this stops being the case, we need to re-evaluate what makes us truly happy. A promotion might bring more money and new challenges, but the trade-off could be that you spend less time at home, or you have to deal with a lot more pressure.

Many people spend their careers – and their lives – pressuring themselves to achieve more in the hope of obtaining the "Shangri-La" of jobs. But, Swiss entrepreneur Fabian Pfortmüller disagrees with this way of thinking, asserting that we should be "creating more with doing less." Just as money doesn't buy happiness, a high-powered job won't always get you job satisfaction.

Who Drives Us to be Ambitious?

Before we contemplate a big career move, it's important to assess who is motivating us to move on.

Often, we are our own worst critic – I know I'm guilty of that. All it takes is that nagging feeling of self-doubt that we aren't doing enough, and we begin to push ourselves to achieve more. But this can leave us feeling drained and disappointed if we don't reach the goals that we set for ourselves.

Self-criticism is neither a healthy nor a productive method of career advancement. And those of us who are prone to it will likely benefit from a change of mindset (as opposed to a change of job) if we want to achieve real job satisfaction.

Alternatively, some people feel pressured to strive for bigger and better things because they fear that their peers will view them as a layabout, lacking drive or enthusiasm. But, it's important to remember that what's right for others, isn't always what's right for us.

As the programmer and entrepreneur, David Heinemeier Hansson argues, we shouldn't rely on "the fulfillment of the expected" to be happy. That is to say, we shouldn't be driven to achieve what others expect of us. Instead, we need to recognize where and when we are truly satisfied with our work.

It's a Balancing Act

Working mothers are a perfect example of well-balanced ambition. Many women are expected to "make up for borrowed time" after returning from maternity leave. Instead, plenty of women will strike a careful balance between their home and work lives. They will put less pressure on themselves to constantly achieve and, instead, set themselves realistic goals over a longer period of time.

They understand that in order to pursue their own family ambitions, it may take longer to reach their career goals. In this sense, it may be worth letting career ambition take a back seat to happiness. This doesn't mean that working mothers are no longer ambitious in their jobs. Rather, they work out how to reach their full career potential without making themselves miserable in the process. We can say the same for men, of course, with shared parental leave enabling more and more fathers to strike a healthier balance between parenthood and work.

Work to Live or Live to Work?

By remembering that there is more to life than work, we can alleviate some of the pressure that we, and others, put on ourselves to achieve.

That said, we should never underestimate the power of ambition. It's an invaluable source of motivation, and it can help us to accomplish the goals that matter most to us. Nonetheless, we should beware the dangers of being over-ambitious. This can force you into a job that you don't really want, and may greatly damage your home life. The ability to recognize what does and doesn't make you happy can be the difference between under- and over-stretching yourself. So, in short, be careful what you wish for.

Have you ever experienced the negative impact of over-ambition? Or maybe you've felt pushed to take a promotion you didn't really want? Please share your experiences and thoughts below in the comments section.

The post How Ambitious Should You Be? appeared first on Mind Tools.

What Defines You?

In a recent article that she wrote for The New Yorker, Morrison argues that, "You are not the work you do; you are the person you are."

But, philosopher Martin Buber emphatically disagrees. He states that, "I am what I do." Could a philosopher say anything else?

Christian Bale's Batman agrees with the philosopher, stoutly affirming (in Batman Begins) that, "It's not who I am underneath but what I do that defines me."

Given that we work about half the waking hours of our four most active decades, it's easy to see where Buber and Batman are coming from.

Are Your Actions a Cause Or an Effect?

The difference between these two opinions can also be said to be the difference between cause and effect.

"I am what I do" essentially means that my actions cause me to be who I am. But if "I do what I am," then my actions are an effect of the person I have become.

But how does this translate to the work we do? Does our profession influence our personality or, conversely, do we influence our profession?

To answer this question, it's important that we define what we mean by "profession" here. According to Mind Tools (which refers to Merriam-Webster's definition) a profession is, "a calling requiring specialized knowledge and often long and intensive academic preparation."

The key word in this definition is "calling." Like a religious leader, the true professional is driven by a strong, inner impulse to learn and master the intricacies of his work. As for me, whether or not my "calling" is divinely inspired is a question I think I will defer to the next life.

Picking the Right Profession

Given this definition, it's important that we choose our profession wisely, because, ultimately, it will become both the cause and effect of who we are and what we do.

So, lets take a look at six important questions, taken from the tiny buddha® blog, that you can ask yourself to help you to clarify what profession will best suit you:

1. What do you absolutely love in life? Since the majority of your life is spent at work – rightly or wrongly – many people will define you by it. So, yes! Choose a profession that fuels your passions.
2. What are your greatest accomplishments in life so far? Life's challenges are hard enough without the added pressure of having a job that you really don't like or want. Know your strengths, interests and weaknesses, and then consider choosing a profession that plays to these.
3. What would you stand for if you knew no one would judge you? Realize that people will judge your professionalism! Are you prepared to take the difficult decisions and stands that can come with certain professions?
4. If your life had absolutely no limits and you could have it all and do whatever you wanted, what would you choose to have and what would you choose to do? Think about the profession that you would choose if you knew you would be successful in it. This question will help you to think about what you truly desire. Knowing this, think about the concrete steps you can take to make your dream job a reality.
5. What would you do if you had one billion dollars? Your answer will expose whether your professional interest is a true "calling" or simply a means of making money.
6. Who do you admire most in the world? What you admire in them is likely a quality that you already share with this person, or which you aspire to have. So, work on building up these qualities, as doing so will likely get you closer to achieving your career goals.

Pursue Your Professional Passions

Now let's return to Toni Morrison's story for a moment. As a young girl in the 1940s, she explains how she had a house-cleaning job for a well-to-do white woman. Her pay was an abysmal $2 a day. Her rewards were some additional income to purchase snacks and toys, and the satisfaction of contributing to her household's bills.

As she continues to sharpen her skills, however, her greedy employer demands that she take on extra responsibilities and do more work – without a raise, of course.

So, she does what any of us would do – she complains to her parents and, in particular, her dad. No sympathy there, but he does give her a great piece of advice: "Your life is with us, your family. You are not the work you do; you are the person you are."

If you, like Toni, are unfortunate enough to find yourself in a job that you have begun to resent and dislike, perhaps these words can give some comfort. And remember, however hard it is, try to be grateful for the things that you do have in your life. In the meantime, pursue the profession you are passionate about, and that best reflects the person you wish to become.

The post Does Your Profession Reflect Who You Really Are? appeared first on Mind Tools.

As I got to know Mike's friends, I saw him react to one in exactly the same manner. Mike glowed under Dick Barnhorst's approval, but quaked in his boots when that approval seemed in question.

In my early school days, Mike had to look after me once school had finished. It was on one of these days that I accompanied him to Dick's house. Sure enough, Dick had an older brother, Don – an athletic genius with a booming voice, a driver's license, and a gorgeous girlfriend. As you can imagine, it was Dick's turn to be struck with both awe and terror. For me, however, the social hierarchy that I saw in front of me felt like it was reaching insurmountable heights.

The Barnhorsts moved away before I reached my teens. But as fate would have it, I met Don again. I was a college freshman. A friend of mine had cancelled an event because he had to stay home for dinner. His brother-in-law, Don Barnhorst, was returning home from his army service in Korea, and the family were getting together to welcome him back.

When I was re-introduced to older brother Don, I saw the intelligence and insightfulness that I remembered. No longer subject to my childish dread, I could also see that he was just a normal human being (albeit with some temperamental shortcomings). We soon became friends – I helped out with his football coaching and he mentored me through my college years. But once again we each moved far away from each other.

Until, a couple of years later, we met again, this time while working at the same company. I was a bright, young star rapidly ascending the corporate ladder. I thought that all I had to do was adopt certain actions or behaviors (ones that I admittedly didn't like but that I felt would accelerate my rise to the top). I assumed that, once there, others would get to know "the real me" and I could simply return to my true self.

But Don, or, as he had now become, Don "Mahatma Gandhi" Mahoney (his new nom de plume), warned me of what he called the "Ordinal Fallacy."

"Be careful! Don’t think you can do something 'just for a little while' and then, after you achieve your goal, go back to being 'the real you.' You will become what you do," he said. In case you are wondering, the actions I planned to mimic were not blatantly unethical. They just weren't exactly the actions of the person that I've always wanted to be.

If the Ordinal Fallacy applies to less-than-desirable actions, then the flip side might be called a valuable "Cardinal Truth." Tony Robbins, for example, encourages us to embrace many new behaviors, knowing it could positively impact our character when he says, "You become what you do most of the time." The same sentiments are echoed by Sean Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, in which he writes, "We become what we repeatedly do."

These expressions bring to mind other idiomatic expressions: "Actions speak louder than words" and "Talk is cheap." Words flow quickly and, usually, without consequence. But changing our behavior requires time, energy and effort. We live with the after-effects of what we do, not what we say we are going to do, after all.

The 20th century's most popular motivational speaker, Zig Zieglar, understood that – unlike words – behavior has a transformational effect. While he urges his listeners to work hard, he also warns that, "What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."   

Don's caution had an enduring effect on me. I learned that action and behavior are self-reinforcing. The emotional commitment that goes into acting or behaving in a certain manner has a way of bending one's beliefs into submission.

When it came to goal setting, my focus had always been two-fold: Did I have the ability to achieve my goals and what would I obtain by achieving them? I never gave much thought to how the mere pursuit of these goals might have an enduring effect on my values, my character, and my self-esteem.

We've heard my old friend Don Mahoney's position on the subject, but what about Mahatma Gandhi himself? He chimes in with, "Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it …," and I will close by adding, "... and not just say it."

The post Actions: Do They Really Speak Louder Than Words? appeared first on Mind Tools.