After all, if we only do the minimum required of us, we probably won't get very far. So, if you've set your sights on world domination (or perhaps just that promotion you've always wanted), use these 18 tips to make it a reality.

Be the Best People Person

People skills are one of the most sought-after competencies valued by employers. When you work well with others, it improves productivity, creativity and job satisfaction. So, let's kick-start our top tips list by looking at what you can do to become a better people person.

1. Be a Great Communicator

Being able to communicate well – in person and in writing – is an essential skill in most workplaces. But, it's also one that is often forgotten about. In fact, a study from the National Commission on Writing reveals that blue-chip companies spend as much as $3.1 billion on writing training.

The ability to express yourself eloquently can mean the difference between getting noticed and being overlooked. Write a bad email and all anyone will remember is your poor grammar. But write one that is clear, concise and interesting, and you'll likely find that people will respond to your message quickly and positively.

2. Nurture Your Work Relationships

People skills are as important in the workplace as technical ability. These kinds of "interpersonal skills" can help you to collaborate, communicate, manage conflict, motivate, increase productivity, solve problems, and network.

When you have good working relationships you'll likely be more happy and engaged at work, too. In fact, a 2023 study revealed that positive workplace relationships can help you to avoid burnout, exhaustion and even loneliness.

3. Listen!

It can be all too easy to "tune out" sometimes. Whether you're really focused and "in flow," or you're easily distracted by emails and other minor tasks, maybe you just aren't paying enough attention to the person who's talking to you. Whatever the case, you're not alone. It seems that most of us aren't great listeners. Indeed, research suggests that we remember between just 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear!

But listening is vital if you want to succeed at work. It can help you to take in information, learn from others, build relationships, and take direction. Active listening is one of the ways you can improve your ability to listen. It involves making a conscious effort to hear not only the words someone is saying, but the key messages that they are trying to express.

4. Know How to Work With Your Boss

If you're lucky, you'll have a boss that you respect, like and admire. If you're not so lucky, however, you may have one who, for whatever reason, you just don't "click" with. If this happens, it can have a significant impact on your happiness and your productivity.

Ultimately, the onus is on you to make the relationship work. Your boss will likely have several other people to manage, so their relationship with you may not always be at the top of their list. But it should be at the top of yours! Find out more about their preferred management style. Then, adapt your own working style to suit it. Do they like to receive information in person, or prefer email? How do they tend to handle bad news? Do they like to micromanage people or are they happy to delegate tasks?

Be the Best at Taking Initiative

When you take the initiative, you take control of your career. This might be as simple as learning to organize your workload effectively. Or, it could be more complex – for example, seeking out new opportunities and understanding the purpose behind the work you do. Here are some tips for doing this:

5. Prioritize Your Goals

With so many demands on your time, it's easy to get distracted and lose sight of your main goals. Start each day by prioritizing your To-Do List, and focusing your attention on the top three items. This will help you to manage your time effectively, and to concentrate on the objectives that matter the most. And, if you're really swamped, don't be afraid to ask for help, to delegate tasks, or even to say "no" sometimes.

6. Challenge Yourself

Feeling comfortable and confident in a job likely means that you're doing it well. But, if you're finding it all too easy, you may begin to feel bored and unfulfilled.

Sure, you could carry on and "coast" your way through. But this probably isn't going to get you very far in the long term. Instead, stay challenged by setting yourself some new goals. Learn a new skill, go on a training course, or ask your boss for more responsibility. Not only will you be pegged as a "self starter," you'll also get the chance to broaden your skills, and to engage in new ways of thinking. It may even open up opportunities to work on different projects and with different people.

7. Get out of Your "Comfort Zone"

Stepping outside of your comfort zone is – unsurprisingly – uncomfortable! You might feel exposed, or worry that you'll look stupid. However, if you avoid taking opportunities when they present themselves, you'll never know just how far you can go.

Yes, doing something new can be scary. It might also mean more pressure and more work. But, it can also push you to perform better. It can make you more resilient, give you the flexibility to take risks and cope with unexpected problems, and help you to overcome fear of failure.

8. Remember the Bigger Picture

Do you know why you do the work that you do? What's its purpose? Why is it meaningful to you? And how does it help the business to achieve its goals?

Understanding how the work that you do benefits your organization can improve your performance. It adds purpose to your work, helps you to prioritize your tasks more effectively, and enables you to identify tasks or areas of the business that can be made more efficient.

Be the Best Learner

It's never too late to learn a new skill. In fact, building up your knowledge and skills is often a lifetime pursuit. So, start your learning journey today by following these tips:

9. Build Expertise and Share It!

Having a specialized skill or excelling in a particular task can put you "in demand." Even more so if you have deep knowledge of a subject that is highly sought after – for instance, analytical thinking, creative thinking or resilience.

Being the "go-to" person for a particular task or topic can enhance your reputation and allow you to help others. It can also lead to opportunities to work on high-profile tasks, and may even result in promotion. But remember that building expertise takes dedication and resolve. So, be prepared to put the time in!

10. Know Your Stuff

Rapid advances in technology, along with global political and financial developments, mean that change is fast-paced and unpredictable. And, if you don't make an effort to keep up with these changes, it can result in missed opportunities or getting left behind.

Combat this by making it a priority to stay up-to-date with your industry. Join a trade organization, attend trade shows or conferences, read blogs, and connect with industry leaders and colleagues on social media sites like LinkedIn or Twitter.

11. Set Aside Time for "Deep Work"

We live in an age of distractions. Email, social media, instant messaging, office politics, unnecessary meetings… even the weather! All of these things can cause you to lose focus on the tasks that really matter. In fact, some studies suggest that knowledge workers lose up to three hours a day because of distractions. And this can cost businesses 14 to 15 times more than absenteeism due to health-related issues.

Sure, it might be hard to ignore the 150 WhatsApp messages that you've just received. But, if you really want to produce quality work, you and your phone will need to part ways (temporarily at least). This is where "deep work" can help. It involves pushing distractions to one side, and giving yourself the time and space to really focus on challenging and complicated tasks. This has a number of benefits. For example, it can help you to build expertise and knowledge, and give you a greater sense of fulfillment and achievement.

Be the Best Professional

What qualities make you a true professional? Is it the way you dress? Your charismatic charm? Or, is it your ability to learn from your mistakes? Take a look at our tips on what it takes to be the ultimate professional:

12. Make Mistakes (and Learn From Them)

We've all had that sudden sinking feeling when we realize that we've made a mistake. But it's how you handle these "bloopers" that really matters. Do you, for instance, tend to "run for the hills" and hope that no one notices? Pass the blame onto someone else? Or, do you "fess up" and do your best to remedy the situation?

It can be hard to swallow your pride and take ownership of the mistakes that you make. But, it is only by doing this that you will ultimately learn from them.

13. Ask for Feedback and Use It!

It can be difficult to hear criticism, particularly when it's unexpected. But, if you don't get any feedback at all, you may begin to wonder whether your work is valued or even noticed.

Why not take the initiative? Ask for feedback from managers and colleagues. Not only will you be seen as a proactive member of the team, but the advice and insight that they provide will likely help you to improve your performance, too.

14. Protect Your Professional Reputation

Your reputation is what you're known for. It encompasses your personality, your skills, your values, and your temperament.

It can take time and effort to build up a good reputation, but just moments to destroy it. This means that you need to put the work in if you want to protect and maintain it. Do this by carrying out a personal SWOT analysis to assess your skills, and to create a plan for developing the professional traits and abilities that you want to be known for.

Be the Best Leader

You don't have to be a manager to be a leader. And, in fact, many businesses want people to demonstrate leadership skills, even if they're in a junior role. So, why not tap into your leadership potential today by following the tips, below:

15. Develop Leadership Skills

One of the major "pain points" for businesses is the lack of leadership skills among their employees – even those who are in senior or highly technical roles. Research shows that the best and most successful leaders are those who encourage learning and listen to feedback and ideas. And that this, in turn, can help teams to become more resilient and effective.

So, if you've set your sights on a promotion, why wait? Start preparing today by broadening your skill set to include listening, empathy, problem solving, and negotiation. And acquaint yourself with different leadership styles, such as Transformational Leadership, Action Centered Leadership and Adaptive Leadership.

16. Get Yourself Noticed

Have you ever completed a piece of work that you were really proud of, only for it to go unnoticed?

Feeling as though your work isn't valued or even acknowledged can be deeply demoralizing and frustrating. But, there are ways you can improve your visibility at work. Building a strong network of allies, for instance, can help, as can tracking your accomplishments, taking on additional responsibilities, or finding a mentor or coach whom you respect and who can help you develop your skills and career.

Be the Best You

Wherever your career takes you, and whatever role or organization you find yourself in, the one constant will be you. So, cherish your uniqueness, stand up for your values and beliefs, and always be yourself! The following tips can help you to do just that:

17. Learn How to Cope With Stress

It can be easy to get caught up in negative thoughts sometimes, particularly if you've made a mistake, received some poor feedback, or work in a high-pressure job. But, real problems can occur if you allow these thoughts to take over, such as low self-confidence, poor self-esteem, or even depression and anxiety. All of these things can impact your productivity and performance – setting the whole cycle in motion once again.

Remember that setbacks and stress are a part of everyone's life. You can either crumple under the pressure or find strategies to help you cope. These could include mindfulness, affirmations or cognitive restructuring.

Most of all, know when to stop. It can be hard to switch off, particularly when you're surrounded by "always on" devices, like smartphones or tablets. But learning how to relax – really relax – will help you to recharge, stay calm and avoid burnout.

18. Be Yourself

Pretending to be someone else or being a "yes man" (or woman) can be exhausting, confining and demoralizing. It can also hold you back from reaching your true potential. But, when you stay true to yourself and your values, you'll find that you can express your thoughts and ideas much more clearly and confidently. And you'll have a reputation for integrity that will earn the trust and respect of your peers.

Yes, it may sometimes mean "going against the grain" or taking the harder road. But it also allows you to live a more authentic and, ultimately, more rewarding life.

Related Resources

If you want to delve deeper into some of the topics we've discussed in this blog, check out our list of recommended related resources below (please note, to access some resources in full you'll need to be a Mind Tools member):

How Self-Motivated Are You?
Managing Your Career
The Power of Good Habits
Developing a Career Strategy
Pink's Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose Framework
What You're Really Meant to Do, with Robert Steven Kaplan
Plan Your Career From Here
Working With Purpose
What Are Your Values?
Job Crafting

About the Author:

Senior Editor Lucy Bishop started her working life selling ice cream in a theme park. She now heads up the video learning team at Mind Tools, and gets involved at every stage – from writing and editing scripts, to auditioning actors, to running filming days. Lucy’s a committed member of our neurodiversity panel, where she helps Mind Tools to reflect and support all forms of neurodivergence. She’s also fascinated by new technology and is currently learning about AI – especially its impact on learners. Her favorite advice is, “Before asking someone else to fix something for you, see if you can learn to do it yourself.”  

The post 18 Ways to Be the Best You Can Be appeared first on Mind Tools.

Guess what? This time the power button broke as soon as it hit the floor. It flashed on and off on sleep mode, and I couldn't power it either on or off. Here I was in Copenhagen, Denmark, spending some of the time I'd planned to sightsee… taking my computer in to the shop.

Categorizing Regrets

In his book "The Power of Regret," Daniel H. Pink writes about the upside of one of our less pleasant emotions, regret. Regrets are common and painful, but they can also be surprisingly motivating.

Pink conducted research on regret and determined from his very sizeable surveys that regrets can be categorized depending on their focus, rather than on their content.

For example, one person might regret not going to university while another regrets not proposing to a girlfriend – but both are essentially regretting a lack of boldness.

Many regrets focus on actions not taken, though some focus on deeds done. In each case, we can take inspiration from our regrets to live, in the future, in ways that more fully reflect our desires.

At Least…

In the case of actions taken, Pink says that we can make efforts to undo their damage if possible. My poor laptop is now sitting in a shop in the U.K., waiting for diagnosis and repair. Whether it gets up and running again, or whether I end up needing to buy a new laptop, I'll be cautious about when I use it and where I put it!

We can also make ourselves better with "at least" statements – acknowledging to ourselves that the outcome could have been worse. At least I had my work laptop with me. At least I hadn't broken it on my previous trip, where it was my one and only computer. And at least I had saved most of my important documents to the cloud so was able to access them there.

I'm a little clumsy. I probably always will be. But I can strive to be more mindful in the future to take care of my technology, rather than thoughtlessly hauling it around.

To Regret Is Human

In the 1980s cartoon "The Last Unicorn" (based on Peter S. Beagle's novel), a unicorn is transformed into a human, falls in love, and is eventually returned to her original form. She gains an appreciation of human emotions, including the bittersweet ones.

In the end, she says to the magician responsible for the transformation, "No unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret." Then, rather than getting angry at the magician, she thanks him.

Pink writes that regret makes us human. And with its power to impact our future choices, it makes us better.

Listen to Our "Power of Regret" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Power of Regret" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Melanie has worked as a writer, freelance and in-house editor, university writing instructor, and language teacher. She is the author of a short story collection, "Dream Signs," and a nonfiction book, "The Modern Enneagram." Melanie has written for several publications including Huffington Post, Cicada, and Contrary Magazine. And she is a certified teacher of the Enneagram, a personality typology that illuminates people's core motivations.

The post I Might Regret Writing This Blog  appeared first on Mind Tools.

My habits? Mostly bad, apparently. I procrastinate, mutter under my breath, and overthink decisions. Any decisions. I have this all on excellent authority. She's been taking notes for three decades.

The thing is, I don't think about my habits much, unless they're spotlighted. When I do, I just consider them part of being me, essential components of my identity. However irritating they might be to others.

But what if I could change the bad habits, even the ones that seem ingrained and permanent? What if I could replace them with better ones, maybe even making myself a better person?

It's an enticing prospect. And James Clear shows how you can do it, in his book "Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones."

The Structure of Atoms

The book's title plays on two senses of the word atomic. One, atoms are really tiny. So are the initial changes you can make to your habits. Two, when atoms all do the same thing at the same time, you get atomic power. And the incremental effect of lots of tiny changes to your habits can be – or feel – equally huge.

For Clear, all habits share a clearly defined structure. It's in four parts: cue, craving, response, and reward. The cue triggers a craving, which motivates a response, which provides a reward, which satisfies the craving. Over time, the reward becomes associated with the cue.

So the cue might be the smell of coffee, or just entering the kitchen at the same time every morning. You feel you really need a coffee. That's the craving.

So you make one. That's the response. You get your coffee. And that's your reward. And because you enjoy it, you'll probably go through the whole process again tomorrow morning.

Breaking Bad Habits With the Four Laws

The book develops the four-part structure into four laws for habit change. If you want to develop a good habit, make the cue obvious. Then, make the new habit attractive, to develop a craving. Third, make the response something you can do easily. Finally, make your new habit satisfying, so that you'll repeat it.

Want to break a bad habit? Hide the cue. Make the habit unattractive to you. Make the response difficult, and the outcome unsatisfying. Easier said than done, you might think. But "Atomic Habits" talks you through how you can do it.

The Sky's the Limit?

And the results? Let's consider habits you can measure easily. If you look at making a one percent improvement in what you're doing daily, then after a year, you'll be 37 times better at it. That's the math. Of course, 37 times improvement on a bad starting point can still represent modest results.

There has to be a ceiling, too. I'm not going to get that Olympic track cycling gold, ever. But I might be able to spend enough time on the exercise bike to do myself some real good, and not end up a wheezing wreck.

Forget About Goals

The book makes some bold claims in other directions, too. Setting goals is a waste of time, for example. At least, it is if you don't have the processes in place to achieve them. And even reaching a goal can be unsatisfying, because you feel you have to set another one.

True happiness, the book argues, comes from having robust systems for personal improvement, not reaching milestones. Whether you agree with that or not, it's food for thought.

All Change for a Better You

And the ultimate goal of these systems? Identity change. That's right. It's that fundamental. Changing your habits can actually make you a different, better version of yourself. That's quite a challenging thought. But the book's nothing if not a practical manual, and Clear's tone throughout is brisk and can-do.

I went on the exercise bike yesterday, for the first time in a while. I repeated the effort today and went a tiny bit further. No, I won't be entering the Tour de France anytime soon, and I don't know whether I'll become a different person. But I do feel I've got a plan to feel a bit fitter. And that's got to be progress.

Listen to Our "Atomic Habits" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Atomic Habits" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author:

Content Editor/Writer Simon Bell knows how to explain things as simply as possible. He spent 20 years in educational publishing, before working on the popular "For Dummies" books. At Mind Tools, he's particularly proud of the Skillbook he wrote about managing stress, and his article on Porter's Five Forces – one of our most popular resources. He also helps to produce the influential reports created by our in-house Impact and Insights team. Simon enjoys learning about history, and sharing new music with his sons. And his favorite advice is about balancing work and life: "Know when you've done enough at work – then go home!"

The post How to Make Good on Bad Habits appeared first on Mind Tools.

The seemingly harmless question at a catch-up with friends makes my heart sink. What have I been doing?

I had a lot of resolutions for myself this year. I wanted to write more, learn more, exercise more. And yet we're now closer to the next year than the last, and I can't seem to think of a single noteworthy achievement to show for it.

So, I hit them with the classic, "Oh, you know, just the usual," and quickly changed the subject.

It's Not Too Late to Reach Your Goals

One missed goal was to have the first draft of my screenplay completed by the time I finished my screenwriting course at the end of June. But as the last class rolled around, and my screenplay lay woefully incomplete on my desktop, I couldn't help but feel deflated. I'd missed my chance.

At times like this, it's easy to feel as if it’s too late to get back on track. You missed this deadline so what's the point in setting another? While it's natural to feel disappointed, lingering on these negative feelings and punishing yourself is only ever going to do more harm than good.

So, instead of giving up, I decided to treat this as an opportunity to look back at what I'd done well, to plan what I still had left to do, and to focus on how I could improve my chances of success.

How To Bounce Back After Failure

These four ideas helped me to bounce back and refocus on my goal.

Focus on the Positives

Instead of lingering on your failures, focus on your achievements. What new skills have you gained? What do you know now that you didn't before? Chances are you've achieved much more than you realize.

If you've missed your deadline, you may be reluctant to reward yourself. You may even try to downplay your achievements. But these successes are crucial for maintaining motivation. Keeping a note of your achievements will help you to shift your focus from minor setbacks to the bigger, more optimistic, picture.

Learn From Your Mistakes

Next, consider why you didn't meet your goal. Were your objectives too vague? Was your timeframe unrealistic? Perhaps it was a harder task than you envisaged, or outside distractions got in your way?

In my case, I may have been a little over-optimistic about what I could achieve in the time available. If, like me, you suffer from "time blindness" you may struggle to accurately determine how long a project or goal will take.

So, try breaking it down into more manageable, tangible tasks – and time yourself so you can plan your schedule accordingly.

Remember, you've only failed if you didn't learn anything. Once you've established what was missing the first time around, you'll be better equipped to achieve your goals next time.

Reset and Realign Your Goals

Be honest with yourself. It's easy to procrastinate and blame external factors instead of getting to the root of the problem. Perhaps your goals simply don't align with your interests or long-term aspirations anymore.

Change is inevitable so don’t be surprised if some of your objectives don't stand the test of time. Focus on what you love and be prepared to adjust or reset your goals according to what life throws at you!

If you don't know where to start, consider what support or training could help make your goals more achievable.

Build Good Habits

Perseverance is key. Many of us know what it's like to start a new hobby or project with the best of intentions but run out of steam after just a couple of weeks. So, how do you keep that momentum going?

The answer lies in good habits. Whether it's hitting the gym or learning a new language, set aside a specific time and place to work on your goal. No matter how unproductive or unmotivated you feel, make sure you stick to your routine. According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, "It's the cumulative impact of always sticking to your schedule that will carry you to long-term success."

Why We Fail Our Goals

Failure to meet your goals can be demoralizing but it often has more to do with the way you set your goals than your ability to achieve them.

So, it's important not to lose sight of what's important. Effective goals aren't a box-checking exercise. Instead, they act as a framework for your learning, keeping you focused and motivated.

By reassessing my expectations and setting a new deadline, I'm pleased to say that I was able to complete the first draft of my screenplay and move on to my next goal. One missed goal doesn't have to spell disaster. In fact, it could be just the beginning of your success story!

Useful Resources

Here's a curated list of Mind Tools relevant resources (please keep in mind you may need to be a member of the Mind Tools Club to access certain resources):

Overcoming Fear of Failure
SMART Goals
Using SMART Goals to Re-energize Yourself
Fail More (Expert Interview)
How Good Is Your Goal-Setting? (Self-Test)
8 Common Goal-Setting Mistakes Video

About the Author

With a background in writing and illustration, Rosie uses her creative eye to produce eye-catching content. Specializing in videos, newsletters and articles, Rosie produces, writes, edits, and proofreads a wide range of resources. When she's not busy working, she'll likely be found whipping up cakes for her friends and family!

The post You Failed Your Goals... Now What? appeared first on Mind Tools.

"We will avoid something in proportion to how much it can affect our identity."

The Law of Avoidance

So says Mark Manson, best-selling author of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****." It's an anti-self-help self-help book that's sold millions of copies, earning Manson legions of adoring fans and a new movie on Netflix.

In the book, Manson tells you that you are not special, chasing a positive mindset is dangerous, and that we should embrace negative emotions and take responsibility for our actions and feelings. These ideas may go against the grain of current trends in self-improvement, but Manson has found a very receptive audience.

The book provides a powerful lesson in resilience, but what does it have to do with identity, exactly?

Manson's Law of Avoidance

Manson describes the above quote as his "Law of Avoidance." Essentially, the idea is that we'll avoid something equal to how it can affect our identity; we are so wedded to our sense of self that we won't step outside that comfort zone.

And it kind of rings true, doesn't it? When I'm faced with anything involving numbers (like dividing up a restaurant check), I freeze up. I work with words; I can't do numbers! I'm likely to say, "Numbers aren't my strong suit – someone else figure it out!" On the more extreme end, I'm unlikely to go skydiving. That's just not me. I don't do that kind of thing.

And Manson's law doesn't just apply to bad, scary or unpleasant things. "You will avoid negative things that threaten your identity like failure, loss, and rejection. But you will also avoid positive things that threaten your identity – even things like success, love, and happiness," says Manson.

I initially struggled to reconcile this idea. Why on earth would we avoid something we enjoy? But then it struck me that it applies to something I'm going through right now.

Avoiding Good Things

I love music. And recently I was invited to go to a festival. The problem was that of the large group of friends going, I only knew one person. The rest of them I'd never even met. So when I was proposed this idea, my instant reaction was, "No way!"

My internal monologue was yelling that I'm a shy introvert. Big groups feel intimidating. What if I don't fit in? What if I feel trapped and like I'm ruining other people's time? I'd much rather stay at home and not go through the hassle.

Fortunately, my inner Mark Manson kicked in and I agreed to go and secured a ticket.

Now, when I really think about it, I know I'm going to have a great time. I love seeing live music, I like meeting people (even if it can be tiring), and I'm excited. And Manson would also remind me that I'm not special – no one else will really care much about me!

How I conceive of my identity (introvert, don't like going out of my comfort zone) can stop me from doing things I enjoy. Manson says, "The more something scares you, the more you should just do it." Instead of being boxed in by your identity, take a step out of your comfort zone and dive in. Let's hope he's right. I'm going this week.

Resilience and Identity

The more I think about it, the more resilience and identity seem to live hand in hand.

Consider the idea of "impostor syndrome," which has struck a chord in recent years. That sense that you've overreached, that you don't deserve to be where you are, and the fear that you'll be "found out." Ironically, this often afflicts the most objectively competent people: it has nothing to do with real ability, just how we see ourselves.

Similarly, fear of failure and fear of success also plague workers worldwide. You might be so afraid of "failing" that you don't ever take a risk or try something new. Or you might be anxious about the increased responsibility of success and feel like you'll never be able to live up to expectations.

When something threatens our identity we avoid it. And so when we're forced into that situation we don't know how to respond. With his law of avoidance, Manson implores us to embrace discomfort, stop chasing external validation, and chose a path based on our own values and wishes, one full of risk and uncertainty.

The Resilient Mindset

Many other thinkers have already highlighted and studied the connection between resilience and identity.

Psychologist Susan Kobasa believes that there are three elements to resilience, all of which have to do with how resilient people see themselves. The elements are challenge, commitment and personal control.

Resilient people see setbacks as challenges, not failures; they are committed to clear goals in work and life; and they don't dwell on what's outside their control – they focus on the things they can affect, rather than dwelling on what they can't (more on this below). All of which Manson draws on in his book.

Another psychologist who believes resilience is based on the stories we tell ourselves is Martin Seligman. He refers to our "explanatory style" in regard to how we respond to setbacks. Do you blame yourself and get consumed with negativity when things go wrong? If so, then this all has to do with how you're explaining the situation to yourself.

In his book "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life," Seligman uses the ABC technique to help reframe the situation. It stands for Adversity, Beliefs and Consequences. When you're struck with adversity, you form beliefs, which have consequences.

So, maybe you're 20 minutes late to a meeting you organized: you think to yourself "I'm a terrible employee/boss," so your confidence dives, and your week is ruined as you mull on your failure. Seligman invites us to dispute the beliefs we form – are you really a terrible boss or were you unlucky? Did you just make a simple mistake? It doesn't have to be existential.

Are You in Control?

Manson tells us that life will always suck sometimes; the key is to accept it. Part of the remedy to the law of avoidance is taking responsibility for how we respond to negative things, embracing the associated negative emotions, and doing what we can within our own sphere of influence. The more we take responsibility, the better the outcome.

Psychologist (yes, another one!) Julian B. Rotter described this as our "locus of control." In the 1950s, he wrote that we all sit somewhere on a sliding scale – those of us with an internal locus of control and those with an external locus of control. Do you believe that you're responsible for what happens in your life, or think that your life is more governed by external forces outside of your control?

Rotter claimed that those with a more internal locus of control generally have higher resilience, more job satisfaction, better response to feedback, and even better physical health. On the flip side, if you believe you don't have agency in your life, you're more likely to blame others, give up, and not take credit for what you do achieve.

Manson is big on responsibility. We may not have total control over what happens to us, but we do have complete control of how we respond to setbacks. Instead of chasing happiness all the time (and then getting mad and blaming others when things go wrong), the better path is to take responsibility for how we respond to adversity.

(You can take our Locus of Control Quiz to see where you sit on the scale.)

A Flexible Identity

In a recent newsletter, Manson wrote: "The healthiest identity is a flexible identity. The best answer to the question, 'Who am I?' is always 'I don’t know; let’s find out.'"

It might be scary to answer "I don't know." But I think it's also beautiful. It's inviting us to not box ourselves in, to stay curious, and to challenge our assumptions.

By avoiding discomfort, and negative or scary things, Manson says we're avoiding those parts of ourselves we need to challenge. By adopting a "let's find out!" attitude, we create opportunities for growth and to better understand ourselves and improve our resilience – and live a richer, more fulfilling life.

Useful Resources

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****
Mark Manson's YouTube channel
Mark Manson's Twitter

The following is a curated list of Mind Tools relevant resources (please keep in mind you may need to be a member of the Mind Tools Club to access certain resources):

Developing Resilience
Understanding Your Locus of Control
Overwhelmed at Work
Career Setbacks
Dweck's Fixed and Growth Mindsets
Managing Post-Traumatic Growth
Resiliency (audio interview with Dr Cal Crow)
How to Build Personal Resilience (audio interview with Dr John Nicholson)
The Road to Resilience (infographic)

About the Author:

Matthew has 10 years of experience writing, editing and commissioning online content. As a content editor, he's worked in several industries – including charity, culture and travel – before finding his calling in L&D at Mind Tools, where he creates accessible, timely and engaging content for learners.

The post "Who am I? I don't know: let's find out!" – Mark Manson's Law of Avoidance appeared first on Mind Tools.

That's it, what to say about... Oh wait up, what's this? An email alert from the boss. Can't ignore that. And my phone just pinged me. And before you know it, an hour's gone by and this blog is going nowhere.

It's a problem we've likely all faced. It's difficult to give your attention to just one thing over the course of a working day. When did you last manage it? So many other nudges, notifications and essential updates jostle for your attention.

And that's just the work stuff. Add all the funny noises my phone makes, and a bad day can be a constant battle to concentrate on anything.

A Crisis of Focus

This is a relatively recent phenomenon. But it's getting worse. How much worse? Well, as Johann Hari is keen to explain in his book "Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention," the forces determined to attract and keep our attention are everywhere, and they're enormously powerful.

And we aren't doing enough to help ourselves. Sound like something from the "Matrix" movie franchise? It's not. "Stolen Focus" isn't a bunch of conspiracy theories. It’s based on many interviews with leading experts in everything from Big Tech to sleep deprivation.

And the picture they paint is a disturbing one.

The Battle for Attention

First, they really are out to get us. There are whole industries dedicated to grabbing our attention. They offer what we think of as rewards – bonus points, membership privileges, that sort of thing – and in return we give them our data.

Then they use that data to build complex profiles of us so that they can put adverts before us for things they know we want.

If that sounds sinister, consider what else behavioral scientists and data analysts can use that data for. They can predict not just what we might want to buy, but what we think about bigger issues. Even how we might vote. If they can predict something, they will likely try to influence it.

Sure, we can switch off our devices. We can lock them away. If we're lucky, we can escape to remote locations – as Hari does. But we're still susceptible. We're still experiencing something close to addiction.

How We Steal Our Own Focus

Second, we harm our own attention from the moment we get up. All too often we grab high-fat, high-sugar snacks rather than proper food. We expose ourselves to brain-damaging pollution daily.

When we do finally put aside the screens to go to bed, we can't sleep properly. So our brains are exhausted, and our ability to focus takes another knock.

Many of us also live in cultures that value the quick fix. So doctors prescribe vast quantities of drugs to treat ADHD, depression and sleeplessness, while leaving the root causes untouched.

In some cases, these causes are to do with innate psychological problems and brain chemistry. But for many people, maybe most, it's the environment in which they live that's the problem.

The Will to Change – and Why We Often Can't

There's another insidious factor at work, and again it's cultural. Hari calls it "cruel optimism." We all want to believe that we can change. That belief should be empowering.

But it's double-edged. If we fail to give up junk food, Twitter, or playing video games until 3 a.m., it's on us. Our willpower's the problem. Never mind that billions of dollars are spent every year trying to overcome that willpower.

Reclaiming Our Attention

It's a grim picture. So are there any positives? Well, we can take steps to change the way we behave as individuals, cruel optimism or not. Hari outlines them. And we can learn lessons from some societies that have taken steps to address this constant erosion of attention.

But Hari's main targets throughout are larger scale. They're industrial complexes and dysfunctional societies. And they will only change how they behave through collective action. Whether it's because customers or activists demand it, or governments enforce it, it'll still be a long-term battle.

"Stolen Focus" is a wake-up call. It deserves our attention – if we can spare it. Because the consequences of whole societies being in a state of distraction are dire. They certainly go beyond whether this blog gets finished or not.

So I'll definitely be turning off the laptop earlier, and spending more time with a good book. As soon as I've checked Twitter, obviously.

Listen to Our "Stolen Focus" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Stolen Focus" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he's worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the last 20 years he's specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Time to Focus on Our Dangerous Lack of Focus appeared first on Mind Tools.

The question is: just how important are workplace friendships? And how can remote workers make lasting friendships at work that lead to both emotional and professional support?

Why Are Work Friends Important?

According to Gallup, having best friends at work directly correlates with employee engagement and success. Having a best friend at work not only serves as a motivator for employees to look forward to going to work, but also has a direct impact on employee retention, productivity, and company culture.

Since the start of the pandemic, people with a best friend at work have reported that they feel less alone than those without one. Additionally, they're generally more satisfied with their workplace and therefore less likely to leave.

If you're still not convinced, here are my top three reasons why work friends are essential:

1. They're great stress busters.

Work can be incredibly stressful. If you're not careful, there's a great chance that you'll end up suffering from burnout. "People experiencing burnout symptoms are usually trying to live up to impossible standards and expectations from other people and themselves," according to Centres for Health and Healing. "Working excessive hours and not taking time to care for themselves properly – month after month – stress levels will build up. The relentless, ongoing pressure typically comes from various sources, including work, financial problems, underlying health issues, family and challenging relationships."

Having friends at work to whom you can vent or offer support is a good way to ground yourself and reduce stress. Work friends can lend their ear when things get tough and offer a different perspective when there's a dispute.

We've all been in a position where we're just starting a job and feeling extremely nervous about not being liked by colleagues, or about the nature of the job. A simple smile from a colleague can transform existential dread into excitement. When navigating a new role, having a friendly face in the office is unquestionably a godsend.

Moreover, having work friends creates a sense of camaraderie that makes teamwork enjoyable. Feeling seen and acknowledged by your colleagues can make a difference, especially if your role requires constant teamwork. A positive and nurturing environment leads to more innovation, creativity and communication, which are ultimately beneficial not only for the individual, but also for the organization as a whole.

2. Work buddies bring out the best in us.

When we're surrounded by colleagues we actually get along with, we're likely to be more productive and produce higher-quality work. This is because positive relationships create a sense of shared purpose and accountability that urges us to put our best foot forward.

Work friends can also serve as a sounding board when it comes to work in which you're not one hundred percent confident. They can help us when we most need it, teach us new things that can help to improve our work, and provide valuable feedback and ideas that can lead to collaborative innovation.

Finally, when we have a supportive group of people around us, we're more likely to enjoy what we do and therefore focus on the task. Instead of constantly looking at our watch, work friends can prod us to push harder and feel energized by our work.

3. Connections are everything.

As the adage goes, "It's who you know, not what you know." Making friends at work is crucial if you want to advance your career.

Building strong relationships with colleagues can be the final piece of the puzzle to get that well-deserved promotion, transfer to a better department, or even move to a better job thanks to a friend of a friend. Ultimately, connections are everything, especially in a professional environment.

Making Friendships in a Virtual Workspace

Work friends have the potential to open up a world of possibilities and perspectives. Virtual workplaces, in particular, offer the unique opportunity to make work friends based in different parts of the world – opening up our worldview and creating a work culture that's more inclusive, cosmopolitan and innovative, thanks to the wonderful cross-pollination of ideas.

However, while making friends as an adult is hard, making work friends in a virtual workplace is even harder!

If you're one of the thousands of people who've switched to the "digital nomad" lifestyle during the pandemic, here are some tips for developing rewarding friendships with your peers:

Be the first one to reach out.

First things first – don't be afraid to reach out to people in your work chat. A quick introduction has the potential to lead to a virtual work friendship, so never underestimate the power of saying "hello!"

Participate in virtual events and groups.

Some companies host virtual events and team-building sessions that encourage you to connect with your colleagues on a personal level. Others may simply offer channels where you can talk about your hobbies or share photos of your pets. Engaging with these events and groups is the perfect way to meet like-minded people and find your work bestie!

Opt for a video call.

Video calls are more personal than chats. Not everyone will be comfortable having their camera on, but video calling a willing colleague is a great way to start a friendly conversation and make yourself appear more approachable.

Ask for feedback.

Asking for feedback is a good way to build new relationships. It not only helps you gain different insights, but also shows your potential work friends that you trust their feedback and value their expertise.

Can You Ever Be Friends With Your Manager?

The relationship between a manager and their team members is a delicate one. Maybe you get along with your manager, but feel torn when it comes to actually fostering a friendship with them.

When dealing with this dilemma, it's important to remember that friendship is a two-way street. The relationship between a manager and an employee involves power dynamics that can make it more difficult. Managers can make or break their employee's career. This obvious power dynamic makes it difficult to be friends with your manager, as a personal argument can lead to a professional nosedive.

Power dynamics can be further complicated when team dynamics are involved. If you're friends with your manager, you may feel compelled to agree with certain decisions that you may not actually agree with. In addition, being your manager's bestie can harm your relationship with your colleagues, as they may feel that the manager favors you over them.

However, this doesn't mean that managers should be coldhearted. A good manager values each of their subordinates and encourages them to reach their full potential for the good of the team. Being an excellent communicator and a "people person" are essential managerial qualities, as managers have the responsibility to unlock the maximum capabilities of their team.

However, a good boss or manager should know that friendship with one of their subordinates can be a slippery slope, and they'll need to draw a line somewhere. Nevertheless, if the manager and the subordinate decide to become friends or have an existing friendship, they should communicate this with the rest of the team to ensure that everyone feels involved and valued. 

If you enjoyed this blog, you may also be interested in these Mind Tools resources:

Building Good Work Relationships
How Good Are Your People Skills?
Reconnecting After COVID
Finding Your Allies
How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, With Peter Handal

About the Author:

Chris is a passionate mental health and wellbeing writer and psychologist, focusing on sharing his experience and improving the lives of others. When Chris isn't researching the latest holistic and wellbeing therapies, he's spending time with his two cats, usually while curled up on the sofa reading a book.

The post 3 Reasons Why Work Friends Are Important appeared first on Mind Tools.

But with more people in the workforce than ever before, competition is stiff. This is why you need to stand out at each and every stage of the hiring process.

Videos to Help You Get a New Job

So, what makes a winning candidate? Is it an impressive resume? A confident and well-prepared applicant? Someone who can keep their cool in the face of even the trickiest interview questions? In truth, it's a combination of all the above, and more.

In our newest video series, we explore all the skills you need to ace your interviews and land your next role.

How to Sell Yourself

Your resume and cover letter should grab potential employers' attention and show what you have to offer. Our first two videos, Writing Your Resume and Writing Your Cover Letter are here to give you the best possible head start in the application process. From how to write clear and concise copy, to choosing the best layout, these tips will help you to stand out from the stack of other applicants.

Or perhaps you've got your sights set on a promotion? In this case, you need to be able to prove your worth to your organization. Our brand-new animated video Get Ready for Promotion explores how to push yourself out of your comfort zone, set realistic goals, and get yourself noticed for all the right reasons.

Acing Your Interviews

So, you've made it to the interview stage. Now's the time to demonstrate your experience and expertise. And the more confident you are, the more convincing you'll be.

Preparation is key. In less than 60 seconds our Mind Tools Minutes video, How to Prep for a Job Interview will ensure that you are equipped with all the tools you need for success; including in-depth research and a winning outfit.

What Kind of a Question Is That?!

Have you ever been hit with an interview question that you have no idea how to answer? Rather than stumbling over your words and saying something you might regret, check out our video on How to Answer Interview Questions. Often these curveball questions are designed to test how you respond under pressure. So, keep your composure and think before you speak. A little humor and creativity can go a long way, but don't be afraid to be honest if you don't know the answer. Chances are they'll appreciate candor and integrity.

If that's not enough then head over to our three-part series on how to answer some of the most common interview questions: "Why Do You Want This Job?", "Tell Me About Yourself" and "What Are Your Strengths and Weaknesses?"

You've Got a New Job – Now What?

Congrats, the hard part's over! Or so you might think. But starting a new job can be just as nerve-wracking as interviewing for one. You might be apprehensive about your new responsibilities, or you may even feel like you don't deserve the role.

It's natural to feel stressed at the start of this next stage in your career. But with a little help from our video on Starting a New Job, you can establish clear goals to keep you on track and focus on what lies ahead.

The post Getting a New Job – Introducing Brand-New Mind Tools Videos appeared first on Mind Tools.

While we're certainly not out of the Covid woods yet, most societies have lifted the more stringent lockdown rules. But the workplace cultural sea change precipitated by the pandemic will be felt far into the future, especially by office-based workers.

A Brave New World

On Monday 16 March 2020, every Mind Tools employee received the same email. "All employees, group-wide and globally, are required to work remotely on Tuesday 17 March 2020." If all went smoothly, the company would be officially fully remote by the Wednesday.

I remember where I was sitting when I got the email. I felt like an extra in a science-fiction movie I didn't want to be in. Like many organizations, Mind Tools took the initiative and shut its offices before a mandated lockdown. The initial plan outlined in the email was that we'd go remote for a period of four weeks. I remember thinking, "Four weeks without going into the office?! That's crazy!" How little I knew.

At the height of the pandemic, "shop floor" workers – from surgeons to construction workers – were on the front line, and going to work was an act of bravery. Us office-based workers had it easier, for sure, but we were also thrown into one of the biggest work experiments in world history. Entire workforces became remote practically overnight. And over the next few years, a plethora of new terms entered our work-life lexicon – notably flexible, remote, and hybrid working.

Work Remotely? No Problem

As a Mind Tools editor, I already worked from home twice a week pre-pandemic. But other teams in the company weren't allowed. We had this arrangement for legacy reasons but it was considered precious within the content team and was fiercely protected.

I remember the rationale for why other teams couldn't do the same: it was things like "Finance needs access to their paperwork," and, "Sales needs to be able to make calls." When we were all forced to work from home, those arguments were blown out of the water. And like many companies, we found the move to fully remote went surprisingly well.

The Remote Revolution

Within a few weeks, the pandemic had flattened the barriers to a whole new way of working – and, not only did organizations survive the transition, in many cases things improved.

In 2020, office workers appeared largely happy with the new arrangement, and headline after headline declared that productivity seemed to be increasing with remote work. Research by CIPD in late 2020 found that two-thirds of employers believed the workforce was as productive or even more so than when in the workplace.

There were predictions that workers might never return to the office. Household names like Fujitsu and Twitter talked of a permanent change, the latter saying employees could work from home "forever." Even Mark Zuckerberg said he was "happier and more productive" working from home.

2021 was much the same. Despite optimism that lockdowns were over, job advertisements with "homeworking" in the title increased threefold in the U.K. from the start of 2020 to May 2021.

The Hidden Costs of Working From Home

But there were downsides, too. As remote working stretched on, many believed that younger people were being left behind, missing out on "the largest career-learning cycle" of their lives, in the words of AOL's former CEO.

It was also reported that working from home exacerbated gender inequalities, with women working more hours and bearing the brunt of household chores and childcare. Oxfam calculated that Covid cost women $800 billion in lost income in 2020.

In the early days of the pandemic, remote work was hailed as our utopian future, but by 2022 there was growing concern about the negative impact on mental health from working in isolation.

This is a paradox many have tried to square – reports of improved mental wellbeing from working remotely, coupled with a concurrent rise in mental health crises. The jury is still out on the wellbeing benefits of remote work.

Was There Really a Great Resignation?

But people still embraced remote and hybrid working. Despite the burgeoning backlash, the ongoing experiment in off-site working had shattered the status quo.

Office workers had discovered a new way of life; a new relationship with work seemed possible. You don't need to endure the harrowing commute, you can pick your kids up from school, you can have lunch with your loved ones, and you can still get your work done.

In 2021, this change in our relationship with work went further still. Headlines began to proliferate predicting something of a work apocalypse. Dubbed "The Great Resignation," there was concern that millions of people were poised to quit their jobs. And they did – in 2021, record numbers of Americans handed in their notice. And 2022 demolished that record again, with 50.5 million resignations.

It's a trend that's still unfolding, and there are a lot of unanswered questions. Some consider it more of a "great reshuffle," as pent-up resignations from 2020 are cashed in and workers look for better conditions elsewhere. But in the U.K. at least, there are over half a million fewer workers in the workforce than before the pandemic hit. A government inquiry has been established to investigate why.

Are people just changing jobs? Are people retiring early? Have people's priorities changed? Have the mental health impacts of the pandemic and lockdown inhibited people's ability to work?

The answers aren't clear and the causes are likely to be complex – but the impact is real and poses difficult questions to organizations and policymakers.

Is This the End of Remote Work?

So where are we in 2023? While many people – including staff here at Mind Tools – continue to work largely remotely, there are signs that organizations and leaders are starting to question remote working.

A LinkedIn analysis of its job vacancy postings found that the peak of jobs advertised in the U.S. as "remote" was March 2022. Since then, the general trend has been downward. Well, until January and February 2023, that is – for some reason, there's been a surprising uptick in vacancies offering "remote" this year. Time will tell if it's a blip or a resurgence.

Despite the overall trend moving away from remote work, some governments are embedding this new pandemic work culture in law. The U.K. is currently pushing through several private members' bills related to work, specifically targeting lower-paid employees, including making it a right for British workers to request flexible working from day one of employment – be it compressed hours, or remote or hybrid work arrangements.

Leaders Are Trying to Resurrect the Office

Perhaps, then, hybrid and flexible working arrangements are the way forward – popping into the office a few times a week, or taking a long lunch break to go for a run. What could be better?

Well, when it comes to hybrid work in 2023, battle lines are being drawn between employees and companies, particularly at large corporations (presumably with expensive, impressive offices they want filling). Amazon recently announced that by spring of this year, office workers are expected back at least three days a week. But employees have fought back with a petition demanding a change to the new policy, and 14,000 members of staff joined a Slack channel advocating for remote.

Disney has one-upped Amazon and made four days a week in the office mandatory. Again, employees have launched a petition criticizing the policy. Apple and Starbucks are making similar noises, too.

Tony Danker, director-general of CBI, recently said on a radio show, "You ask most bosses, everybody secretly wants everyone to come back into the office." It seems corporate leaders are increasingly turning against the remote revolution.

But employees have made it clear – remote working (in some form) is what they want. We'll have to see how this fight shapes up the rest of the year. Popcorn at the ready.

What Does the Future Hold?

For my part, working life is unrecognizable from the start of 2020. Back then, I spent three days a week in Mind Tools' South of England office, a gorgeous converted barn nestled in a Sussex nature reserve.

We said goodbye to that office last month and these days I work how I want: I've got my home set-up, sometimes I go to a café, sometimes a coworking space. I can work early or late, from wherever I like.

In many ways, I think I'm still recovering from the shock of the pandemic, in ways I probably don't even realize. Similarly, the way we approach work has not yet settled since the upheaval of 2020 – a new status quo is still forming.

The last few years have unquestionably changed the fundamental contract between worker and employer, at least for office-based work. Where we go from here remains to be seen.

Mind Tool Resources

Here are some resources from Mind Tools that you might like to explore (to see all of them you'll need to be a Mind Tools Club member):

Reconnecting After Covid
Health and Hygiene at Work
Managing a Geographically Dispersed Team
Managing Virtual Teams
Working in a Virtual Team
Virtual Onboarding
Virtually Perfect Meetings Video

About the Author:

Matthew has 10 years of experience writing, editing and commissioning online content. As a content editor, he's worked in several industries – including charity, culture and travel – before finding his calling in L&D at Mind Tools, where he creates accessible, timely and engaging content for learners, across resource types.

The post How the Pandemic Changed the Workplace, Three Years On appeared first on Mind Tools.