Coping Archives - Mind Tools https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tag/coping/ Essential skills for an excellent career Mon, 27 Nov 2023 16:38:34 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.3 https://www.mindtools.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/cropped-mindtools-favicon-32x32.png Coping Archives - Mind Tools https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tag/coping/ 32 32 Transitions https://www.mindtools.com/blog/transitions/ Thu, 19 Oct 2023 11:01:22 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=38788 Some transitions are harder to face than others. The Mind Tools coaches share their experiences of going through transitions, and their tips on how to deal with change.

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What were you doing in the days leading up to December 31, 1999? Listening or partying to Prince's "1999" song, perhaps? Or maybe you were, like me, frantically withdrawing all your money from the bank, in fear of the "Year 2000 bug."

The Y2K glitch was a computer programming issue that would supposedly wreak havoc on computer systems at the turn of the millennium. The bug originated from the 1960s when, to save precious data storage space, engineers wrote the year as two-digit codes, only using the last two digits of the year instead of four digits. This eventually created a fear that when the date descended from '99 to '00, some infrastructures wouldn't be able to function. Folklore superstitions and religious omens ran rampant, adding to the paranoia and anxiety during the late 1990s. 

Some companies in the financial industry recognized the Y2K issue in the 1980s and developed strategies to prepare for the digital transition into the new millennium. Other industries were slower to decide and implement strategies. I remember the news reports with companies expressing relief once they became Y2K-ready or Y2K-compliant. 

Like many consumers, I worried about how I would access my bank funds in the new year. Unashamed, I withdrew most of my funds on New Year's Eve, just in case the ATMs weren't functioning properly during the transition. Cash is king, right? Thankfully, the Y2K glitch didn't bring the world to a standstill.

How to Face Transitions

But some changes are harder to embrace than others. I asked fellow Mind Tools coaches their advice and experiences of tacking transitions:

Transitioning in Small Bites, by Mike Barzacchini  

Mike Barzacchini
Mike Barzacchini

When going through a life or career change, the transition itself may be difficult. We may be dealing with unknowns, anxieties and insecurities. Often our minds and our emotions outpace us. We try to figure out everything at once. It may be more helpful if we think of change or transition as a big red apple. 

There's no way we can swallow that apple whole. But if we concentrate on one bite, then the next one, we may be able to find our way through the transition. I like to think of these as clarity bites. If I'm relocating to another town for a new job, I can't pack my current home, plan the move, and find a new place to live all at once! But I can begin by packing one box at a time or taking other small, meaningful actions. You may want to list the "bites" you need to take and check them off as you finish them. Try taking small "clarity bites" of your big transition apple to make a change, especially a big change, more palatable.

Transition Is About Perspective, by Yolandé Conradie 

Yolande Conradie
Yolandé Conradie 

Some gemstones are what's called "pleochroic," and in stones like emerald, tanzanite and tourmaline it can be spectacular! Pleochroism means that the gemstone has different colours when observed at different angles because of how it absorbs and reflects light at that angle. The gem is still what it was – a tanzanite or an emerald or whatever, but its positioning has changed. 

When we look at transitions, they might look a certain way from one side, but when you turn them over, shine a different light on them, or look at them from a different angle, they look different. 

I've experienced that from one side of a transition, it looks one way. Once you've started the process, it looks different. When you're on the other side of the transition it shows you the gem in a way that you couldn't have seen from the first perspective: the lessons, the opportunities, the possibilities – all through the lens of the experience of the journey. 

In the process of being taken from the earth to gracing a beautiful piece of jewelry, the appearance of the gemstone is transformed – and the process renders it more valuable than what it was before.

May all our transitions unearth our potential, polish us and make us shine in a way we never thought possible.

Transitions Are a Time to Grieve, by Midgie Thompson 

For me, transitions are changes in one’s life, be that jobs, relationships (in all forms) or activities. They might be voluntary or they might be imposed. Regardless of what type they are and how much control I have over the change, there's still an adjustment period just like the process of grieving any loss. 

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I have experienced many transitions in my life. Many I have chosen, including moving cities (and even countries!), leaving relationships and changing hobbies. But there have been other transitions that have been "imposed" upon me too, such as when someone has broken up with me (as we were living together), friends who've moved away and even, dare I say, menopause. 

Yet in all the transitions, I recognize there is a "grieving period," a sense of loss and sadness. Just recently I had the experience of seeing an old friend from Canada for a few hours while we were coincidentally in the same country. It was great to spend time together after all these years, yet I was left with great sadness. It was a bittersweetness related to enjoying the connection we felt, and still feel, coupled with not having those opportunities as regularly as we might like.

I know that we all change, move onward and go in different directions, yet there is still that sense of loss. Loss of what is familiar and cherished, loss of being part of a valued community, and loss of that "ease" of routine, even. Yet with each loss, there is also the opportunity for new, better or even bigger things to come into your life... new growth, new learning, new adventures!

Navigating Transitions for Success, by Sarah Harvey 

Sarah Harvey, smiling and pink haired
Sarah Harvey

Whether at work or in life, dealing with transitions requires not only adaptability, but also resilience and a proactive approach. But we are all unique, and that means every transition is unique too. It's therefore important to develop our own individual strategies to fit our specific situations and personal needs.  

Some strategies to help navigate transitions successfully include: 

  1. Developing a Positive Mindset

Although transition away from what we know and toward something new can be unsettling, try to cultivate a positive outlook toward change. Focus on the opportunities and growth that may come with the transition, rather than dwelling on potential negatives. 

  1. Seeking Support and Guidance 

Lean on your support network of friends, family or colleagues. Discuss your concerns and seek advice from those who have experienced similar transitions. 

  1. Upgrading Your Skills and Knowledge

Use the transition as an opportunity to enhance your skill set or knowledge base. Take courses, attend workshops, or engage in professional development. 

  1. Communicating Effectively 

Open and honest communication with colleagues, managers or family members is essential. Ensure that everyone involved is well-informed and on the same page regarding the transition. 

  1.  Reflecting, Learning and Celebrating! 

After the transition, take time to reflect on the experience. Understand what worked well for you and what didn't, and apply these insights to future transitions. And finally, don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements and milestones during and after the transition. Recognizing your progress will boost your self-esteem and motivation. 

Transitions Resources

You may like to take a look at the following Mind Tools resources. Then join the coaches' events to share your thoughts, ask questions and learn more. 

Transitions (Expert Interview) 
Bridges' Transition Model
Coping With Change
How to Master Life Transitions


Sonia Harris, blog author

About the Author:

Sonia is an experienced meeting and events manager, with over 20 years experience in conferences, exhibits, and corporate social events. She also owns a visual branding company. Sonia joined the Mind Tools coaching team in 2021, and enjoys connecting people with resources to help them reach their goals. In her spare time, she is a photo enthusiast, who reviews products, completes store scavenger hunts, and explores nail art/design.

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The Gratitude Habit — #MTtalk Roundup https://www.mindtools.com/blog/the-gratitude-habit-mttalk/ Tue, 23 Jun 2020 11:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=21912 If you had told me a year ago that I wouldn't see my husband for four months, I probably would have said, "You'll bury me. I won't make it."

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"Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts."

Henri Frederic Amiel, Swiss philosopher, poet, and critic

Just before my husband was due home in April, severe travel restrictions were put in place in both South Africa (where I live), and Sierra Leone (where he works) due to COVID-19.

As I write this, it's been 124 days since I last saw him. If you had told me a year ago that I wouldn't see my husband for four months or more, I probably would have said, "You'll bury me. I won't make it."

Yet, here I am today still hanging in there. I'm not saying it's easy: it's not. But I realized early on, I could either focus on everything I didn't like, or what I'm grateful for. So I chose the latter.

Even though my husband and I are 3,500 miles apart at the moment, I'm grateful that we are both alive and healthy, and that we have the prospect of seeing one another again.

The Gratitude Attitude

We're both grateful that he has a job while so many other people have lost theirs during the pandemic. I'm also grateful that we're able to support one another through the ups and downs of living in separate countries. But we still don't know when he'll be able to come home.

Of course, I'm also extremely grateful for technology that allows me to connect with him, my friends and my colleagues around the world. And I'm beyond grateful for my constant, loyal companion and "heartbeat at my feet" – Kaiser, the Rottweiler.

I decided to ask a few friends and colleagues how they used gratitude during this period of lockdown to help them cope with the situation.

Long-time friend and university buddy, Daleen Venter, shared the following: "I know for sure that if I didn't focus on gratitude, I wouldn't have coped. Every evening each of our family members (mom, dad and two young sons) say what they were thankful for that day.

Power of Gratitude

"It's helped us to shift our focus from what we were experiencing, to realize that we were still very fortunate. We felt humbled, and it motivated us to share our good fortune with others. Not just physically, but also through emotional support and encouragement.

"My husband helped others think of business ideas and helped them make plans to survive financially. At the same time, he made it a priority to help people deal with their fear and uncertainty.

"I believe that I kept depression at bay by being grateful and by not concentrating on my own problems – and it led to seemingly insurmountable problems being solved."

Colleague Michele Doucet also believes in the power of gratitude. Here's what she said, "I've made practicing gratitude a habit for a few years now. I first began my practice when faced with a life-threatening illness.

Gratitude: Practice Makes Perfect

"Every evening before I fell asleep, I recited what I was most grateful for in my life – love, family, friends, living in a safe country, having good food to eat and a roof over my head.

"In other words, the basic things that so many people in this world do not enjoy. My practice fueled my optimism and courage to deal with my treatment.

"During COVID-19, the benefits of practicing gratitude give me the mental strength to combat stress. I am well and thriving during the pandemic, something I am truly grateful for."

Another friend, Alison van der Walt, is grateful for technology that enables her still to be part of a social group with a difference. She is an expert fabric artist, but seeing that all gatherings were prohibited, she couldn't meet with other quilters.

Trying Situation

So, she joined a virtual quilting group. In total, they were 145 ladies from all over the country! She said, "It inspired me to keep going on, although I was alone. The colors of the fabric, designs and art are always therapeutic."

Sanna Zahoor is another of my colleagues, and she revealed, "For me cultivating gratitude is like having a superpower. That doesn't mean that it is easy to do, but just knowing how powerful it can be definitely helps me to keep on trying.

"Being in a situation as unique as this, with so many freedoms removed (which we previously took for granted), really calls for a change of perspective. For me, that's where gratitude comes in.

"Being upset about a situation, such as not being able to socialize with friends, or see work colleagues, is of course a valid feeling. But dwelling on that really doesn't change anything.

Do the Write Thing

"What can change how you feel, though, is to feel grateful (in this case) for technology, for helping us to stay connected with friends and colleagues.

"Noticing this immediately provides me with some relief, and the realization that things could be worse. Sometimes we don't necessarily reach the point of gratitude when we are feeling low. So, something I like to do is to keep a gratitude journal.

"I note five things I've been grateful for that day before going to bed, allowing myself to notice them – in case I missed them when they were happening!"

My friend (and pro dog trainer) Henri van der Linde said that although he lost his income, he was grateful that no one can take his skills away.

Shifting Up a Gear

Another colleague, Midgie Thompson said, "I've used gratitude to shift my perspective on things. Rather than get fearful for all that was happening 'outside', I focused on the smaller things around me that I was grateful for.

"Things like 'the basics' of food, shelter and the internet (definitely considered a basic during this time!), as well as connection with friends and family.

"At times, I reminded myself to be grateful for my health, my ability to breathe and to be able to take care of myself."

The Gratitude Habit

During our #MTtalk Twitter chat last Friday, we discussed the role and power of gratitude. Here are the questions we asked and some of your most insightful responses:

Q1. How can you be grateful if everything seems to be going wrong?

@MaryEllenGrom Change your perspective to focus on what is going right. Even the little things. EVERYTHING certainly can't be going wrong.

@ColeenWarden It's not always easy to feel grateful when everything seems to be hard. I think just taking one day at a time and celebrating your health, a hot shower, a good show that takes your mind off stuff or a yummy meal can be positives on hard days for sure.

Q2. Have you used gratitude as a tool to cope with a difficult situation? Did it work? Why/why not?

@WonderPix Gratitude helps us to change our perspective... being thankful for trees, sunshine, smiles, can take our focus away from negative things.

@MicheleDD_MT When dealing with cancer. It inspired optimism and resilience. I began my battle from a position of strength, and gratitude sustained me throughout the treatments.

Q3. In your opinion, what is the opposite of practicing gratitude?

@carriemaslen Sense of entitlement and sense of unworthiness.

@DrRossEspinoza Arrogance, inwardness, selfishness.

Q4. In what ways do you usually express your gratitude?

@lsmurthy99 Appreciation and being kind reflect the emotional connection of gratitude, in recognizing and valuing people and their perspectives.

@shamikv Pay attention, say thank you, and send out a prayer for people's well-being.

Q5. What helps you get into the habit of gratitude?

@JKatzaman Having a grateful and courteous mindset will make gratitude a reflex rather than an afterthought.

@hopegovind Reflect. Reflect how your life has positively moved in this journey. Realize how many people are around you to help you. Think how much your family and friends love you. Just got a call from a friend, he said, "You must stay alive, city needs you in this tough time."

Q6. Is gratitude a mindset or a ritual? Explain.

@J_Stephens_CPA If you need to develop it as a mindset, then the ritual can help.

@DhongdeSupriya It's a habit but can be developed at any age and juncture.

Q7. What are the benefits of practicing gratitude?

@Yolande_MT I feel buoyant and light when I practice gratitude. It opens up space within me for creativity, random acts of kindness, etc. I feel heavy and dense when I'm ungrateful. It's as if there's no space for anything else – it blocks out light.

@ZalkaB It helps you feel less alone or abandoned, unworthy. It helps you remember you're exactly where you need to be at the moment. It helps you be calm and at peace with yourself. Practicing #gratitude is helpful to practice new habits.

Q8. What is the connection between gratitude, behavior and performance?

@PmTwee Gratitude is a feel-good factor about oneself while being thankful to others, so obviously behavior will be mindful and hence lead to performance in what you do.

@NWarind When you are grateful to have work/business, your behavior changes, which mostly enhances your performance.

Q9. The gratitude habit develops mental strength. Agree/disagree? How?

@SizweMoyo Agree. Doing more to be more grateful for, we're willing to take more risks, bigger ones too.

@jo_stanford_pm Agree, it helps to start the day in a positive way and also to deal with challenges in a creative and constructive way when they do come. My mantra is, "If nobody died it is a good day!" in which case whatever is wrong doesn't need to be a big drama it just needs a plan.

Q10. How might you help others to develop gratitude?

@Midgie_MT Holding each other accountable by exchanging daily gratitude lists.

@SDFACUK By being grateful myself.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

Cultivating the habit of gratitude can help you see challenging situations from a different perspective. But what helps you cope with challenging mindsets or beliefs? In our next #MTtalk, we're going to discuss our biggest challenges – and in our poll this week, we'd like to know which mindsets/beliefs most often challenge you. To see the poll and cast your vote, please click here.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources relating to the topic we discussed:

Broaden and Build Theory

Appreciative Inquiry

Are You a Positive or Negative Thinker?

Coaching to Explore Beliefs and Motives

Deming's Five Diseases of Management

Building a Culture of Purpose in Your Organization

Understanding Workplace Values

Employer Branding: Creating a Worker-Friendly Culture

Cognitive Restructuring

Managing a Person With a Victim Mentality

A Bit of Perfume

Leading by Example

Authentic Leadership

Humility

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Lockdown: How Are You Coping? – Your Top Tips https://www.mindtools.com/blog/coping-with-lockdown-mttips/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/coping-with-lockdown-mttips/#comments Thu, 07 May 2020 11:00:25 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=21376 Thanks to COVID-19, we are all now living in a world that was beyond imagination just a few short weeks ago. For most of us, nothing in our old lives could have prepared us adequately for lockdown. Yes, we are all caught in the same storm

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Thanks to COVID-19, we are all now living in a world that was beyond imagination just a few short weeks ago. For most of us, nothing in our old lives could have prepared us adequately for lockdown.

Yes, we are all caught in the same storm, but we are a long way from being in the same boat. Nor do we know when the storm will pass, or what kind of world it will leave behind when the tide falls back.

This uncertainty is the one thing that we all share. It's the ultimate test of our resilience.

Fortunately, we live in a world where technology – and artificial intelligence, in particular – can help us in the race to to develop a vaccine. One that could, quite literally, save the human race.

Structure Your Day During Lockdown

Google's DeepMind AlphaFold project, for instance, is 3D-modeling the protein structure of COVID-19. Without the AlphaFold code, this would take longer than the age of the known universe to perform!

So while we sleep, eat, play, and stay home, war is waged nonstop on the Coronavirus. Meanwhile, our governments wrestle with the public health and economic fallout.

Our job, the bit we can control, is to keep the home fires burning; to keep ourselves and our families afloat. So far, in my experience, the number-one thing that helps me to cope with lockdown is structure.

To begin with, I kind of envied people furloughed at home. Now, I realize how lucky I am to be occupied with work and focused for eight hours a day. It feels reassuringly normal to be roused by my alarm clock, to be busy, to look forward to lunch and the end of the working day.

Find Your Purpose in Lockdown

And by the time I've been for a run or a walk, showered, cooked, eaten, and cleared away, it's well into the evening.

Time, to be honest, is not dragging for me. But I can see how easily it could be different without a purpose, a reason to get up. By now, I would most likely be keeping some very strange hours: up at noon on a good day, and up all night watching movies and a zillion box sets.

I've often thought it would be great to stop the world so I could get off for a few days. To gather myself, rest, and clear my head without missing anything. Well, now I know you can have too much of a good thing.

I also know I couldn't have lived like that for long. Guilt would have got the better of me and self-motivation would have kicked in.

Luckily, I'm also a born optimist. I always believe things will get better. And with the right attitude, approach and effort, they do. This too shall pass.

Lockdown: How Are You Coping? – Your Top Tips

We wanted to know how you are getting through lockdown. Here's a selection of some of the best tips and advice we received from our friends and followers on social media.

Think Positive, Be Positive

Our Facebook friend Galal Fahmy is treating this "time out" as a gift to do something positive with.

He told us, "The lockdown has taken its toll on everyone, physically, emotionally and mentally. But I don't believe that the answer is to succumb to the dark side of the quarantine.

"But rather we can engage our creative energies into our passions. We can meditate to explore deeper sides to our self, learn more about the world, spend more time with our loved ones at home, and reflect on our past and future steps carefully."

On Twitter, Janish Surana is also reaping the benefits of looking inward. He said, "Have taken up meditation. Getting up at 6 a.m.. Reading and learning about blockchain technology, electric vehicles, and graphene. Family. Daily chores. Quite busy these days. Smiling face with open mouth and smiling eyes."

Spirituality is also key for Minty Zeyya, who commented, "Keeping my body active and challenged, mindfulness in all daily routines, staying connected with loved ones. And of course mostly to stay connected with myself spiritually."

On LinkedIn, Izabela Twardowska revealed that she's focusing on the physical and emotional. She said, "Keeping active, making sure I do something for myself and others every day, staying connected with friends, family and team members."

Taking the practical approach is Adeiza Ahmed. "Making use of the time to keep busy learning new skills and more about myself" is helping him to cope, he told us on Facebook.

Spend Time With Friends and Family

Many of us are delighting in the extra time we have to spend with our friends and families, either in real life or online.

Faruk Abdullah Shohag is "reading books and watching movies! Quality time for family." As is fellow Facebook friend Mohammed Salman Ali, who said, "Spending valuable time with family. Watching series and writing stories."

Wendy Kelly is getting organized to make the best of her "new" time. She tweeted, "I'm scheduling time to get some fresh air by walking, as well as scheduling some virtual time with friends and family (e.g. movie night, happy hour)."

Reach Out to Others

Consultant Helen Lawson is flourishing in the "new normal." She said, "I'm so lucky to feel like I'm positively thriving through lockdown. I think a huge part of that is that as a well-being trainer and consultant, I'm getting to help others. Seeing the impact of that creates such a high.

"I'm one of maybe only a few that have the real luxury of finding this time enriching. My thoughts are with everyone less fortunate for whatever reason."

Empathy is the watchword for Wendy Barned on LinkedIn. She said, "Basically catching up on the things I didn't have time to do before. A lot of self-reflection on how I spent my time before lockdown.

"Connecting with people in a way of true caring, by actually reading and taking in their messages. Then responding with questions to find out more about them as a person."

Learn From Experience

Some folks are doing their best to take the whole thing in their stride – like Jessica Melton, who told us on LinkedIn, "Doesn’t seem to be much of an impact for me because I can and have worked from home. However, the kids being home all day, along with home schooling and the other jobs that a parent has, along with a full-time sales job, gets overwhelming at times."

This theme was echoed by Nicola McCall, also on LinkedIn. She said, "Strangely, isolation feels familiar to life as an expat. In that time I learnt to be self-reliant, work at home, cope with lack of communication and contact, be housebound (with a baby/toddler). 

"As an expat, I learnt so much about my values and needs. I feel it is seeing us through this period of being at home well. Of course, there was no pandemic occurring around us when we were expats. But there were a number of personal and professional trials (often in a second language) that we had to deal with, while living away from our normal support networks of family and friends."

Do you have any more tips or advice about coping with lockdown? Add your thoughts in the Comments, below.

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