As human beings, we are meaning-making beings and one of the ways we make meaning is by "story making." How do we do that? We experience many moments and events, and we "make stories" by connecting the dots between the events.

Most of us have asked someone, "Have you heard the story of (the good wolf and the bad wolf)?" Or, when wanting to relate something more personal, we ask something like, "Have I told you the story of the time... I missed my flight because I was head-over-heels in love?" (True story, by the way!)

If you had a funny or special experience you might ask the people you were with, "Do you remember the day we...?" Then you retell the story to one another, filling in one another's blanks, reminding each other of nuances and detail that might have been forgotten. And you laugh or shake your head in disbelief over it again.

In retelling one another the story, you work together to acknowledge and witness the bond that the shared experience created.

We name things that have some importance – and we name our stories too. Sometimes it reflects characters in a tale, a lesson, place, or a process or journey. Think of names like "Tuesdays with Morrie" or "The Midnight Library."

Often, we don't consciously name our life stories or even parts of them, but they become part of our identity – and may even become a dominant narrative in our life. My story with Mind Tools forms an important part of mine and has shaped me in many wonderful ways.

What's My Story With Mind Tools?

One evening in July 2007, I was searching for material on the internet to help me deal with a difficult situation with an employee. One of the sites I was directed to was Mind Tools. I was immediately excited about the wealth of information on the site, and about what was then known as the Forums. And I was so happy to have found a place where I could ask questions in a safe space that I became a subscriber that instant.

I regularly participated in the Forums and almost exactly a year later, the then Forum Manager asked me if I'd like to become part of the Forums team. Funny, I still remember exactly where I was when I read the email: in a very remote part of South Africa where, by some fluke, I happened to get a mobile phone signal for a few minutes.

I was about to embark on a seven-day safari and knew I had to respond before going off into the bush. So, I sent a very eloquent email from my Blackberry (remember those?) saying, "Yes, please! About to lose signal for the next seven days, chat next week."

Comfort Arrived in the Midst of Chaos

So started a long and cherished relationship with Mind Tools, its founders, James and Rachel Manktelow, and many other leaders and colleagues.

From the first day, there was a trust relationship. Even though we'd never met in person at the time, and I was in South Africa and they were in the U.K., they trusted that I'd worked the hours that I billed. And I trusted that they'd pay me! (That trust relationship always remained intact, even though the organization changed hands more than once during my tenure.)

The year 2009 was a chaotic one for me. I got divorced, moved to another city, lost my dogs, and had to move house twice. I also had to find a way to support myself after moving, all while I was in the second year of my studies.

It was also the first time that I really experienced how the Mind Tools team supported one of their own. Even though I was the smallest cog in the machine and lived thousands of miles away. My then manager, Dianna Podmoroff, even offered to have virtual "water cooler chats" (I didn't even know what that meant, it wasn't a thing in South Africa) to give me a safe space to talk.

Even though my role was small at the time, Mind Tools was the one stable element in my life, and it gave me purpose. Even though it was "work," it was also a place where I could be, and breathe, witness others' stories, and help them write new endings.

And Then I Met Them!

In July 2014, after Dianna's departure, I became the Community Manager. I remarried in 2015 and we went to Paris and London for our honeymoon. Seeing that London wasn't far from the Mind Tools HQ at the time, we made a trip to Horsham to finally meet all my wonderful colleagues in person. It was literally one of the highlights of our honeymoon.

Two years later, I was invited to join the celebrations when Mind Tools won the Queen's Award for Enterprise. Once again, I got to meet some colleagues whom I'd not yet seen in person. It was yet another experience and occasion that I'll never forget.

Over the years, I've been privileged to have wonderful team members who gave their all – even though they were all contractors, who worked part-time as Mind Tools coaches. They taught me many things, challenged me, supported me, and helped me to grow as a person and as a leader.

Earlier this year, I reached a point in my life when I desperately needed a six-week break from work. It wasn't a break planned months in advance, but rather weeks. However, as always, the team, with the help of our managing editor, pulled together. They simply made things work; sometimes by the skin of their teeth, but quitting was never an option.

If it sounds like we only had good times, don't be fooled. Over the years we've had sad times, challenging personalities, major health scares, difficult situations, and loads of change to deal with. However, the good times far outweigh anything else. As a team, we always found productive ways to deal with the challenges.

Celebrate the Life

An ending like this cannot arrive without bringing a huge sense of loss. And even though I feel grief, I also celebrate the years I spent with Mind Tools.

I gained experience and learned skills that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And I was forced to grow, learn and be self-reliant. To find ways of making things work and learn how to work in a virtual team.

I celebrate the people in my team, the leaders who guided me. And, of course, and the colleagues who supported me through thick and thin.

If I didn't already know it, the year that wasn't (2020) revealed who my colleagues were as human beings, and the heart of the company. I received so much love, care and support from everybody and even had the most joyous virtual birthday celebration!

Naming the Story

I was wondering what I'd call it if I had to name my Mind Tools story. While writing this blog, I thought a fitting name would be "Lessons in Love and Leadership."

Lessons in Leadership

The leaders I worked with at Mind Tools always lead by example. I was given room to make decisions, make mistakes, and be me while being taught and guided gently.

They raised the bar and supported me, changed things, and helped me navigate. They listened to me, allowed me to do new things and asked, "What do you need from us?" That's how the #MTtalk Twitter chat came about.

Lessons in Love

I know it feels weird to talk about "love" when talking about a workplace. However, let's treat this as a "mathematical" equation:

Acceptance + kindness + care + support + grace + gentle correction + guidance + connection = love. How can it not be love? It's not the type of love that is shouted from the rooftops yet never actioned. It's rather the type of love that isn't spoken of but demonstrated daily in a thousand different ways.

Human beings are meaning-making beings, and this story of leadership and love helped me make meaning of me.

What's My Next Story?

What's my next story? I don't know. I see the void that invites possibilities, opportunities, and new ways of thinking and becoming. As much as I'm a human being, I'm also a human becoming – one in the process of writing a new story.

But the ending of this story is happening now. All I'm doing with it is sitting with how I feel. I also invite gratitude into this space, gratitude for the shared and sacred Story of Mind Tools. It's one that binds me to some of the most exceptional people I've ever met.

We part as colleagues; we continue as friends.

When Does a Story End?

When does a story start? "That's easy," I hear you say. "It starts at the beginning." But any story really starts long before its beginning.

And when does it end? I hear you say, "It ends at the end." But a story never ends because it changes who we are. It changes how we think, what we do, and some of it passes through us to other people. Its threads and impact continue to grow in ways we know, and don't know.

Two things can be true at once. This is the end of a story, and yet it continues forever.

Special Thanks

Thank you to leaders and colleagues past and present and a special thanks to:

James and Rachel Manktelow, Charlie Swift, Keith Jackson, Jaye O'Farrell-Stevens, Alice Gledhill, Danielle Ormshaw, Dianna Podmoroff, Sarah Kyle, Anne Evison, and John Yates. A special thank you, too, to all my current colleagues in the Content Team, and Mel Dowding.

Resources

You may like to take a look at the following Mind Tools resources, then join the coaches’ events to share your thoughts, ask questions and learn more. Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Individual or Enterprise member to see all of the resources in full.

This Is My Story
Lead With a Story
What's in a Story?
The Story of Business Storytelling Video

You can read previous blogs by Yolandé and the coaching team here.

About the Author

Yolandé uses her 20+ years of experience as a therapist, coach, facilitator, and business school lecturer to help people develop their careers and live up to their potential. She thrives on facilitating conversations designed to build bridges between people by using creative questioning and thinking techniques.

You may mistake Yolandé for a city girl. But she's an honorary game ranger who loves birding, archaeology, and spending time in the African bush. Early morning runs with her rottweiler and reading (a lot) are her favorite activities. And her neighbors will tell you she loves the kitchen and it gives her joy to "bake" people happy!

The post What's Your Story? appeared first on Mind Tools.

Endings can be contradictory: they signal the ending of one thing but can mark the beginning of another. They fill us with dread or excitement, or both. Sometimes, we feel relief and it's easy to let go of an era, a place or a job. At other times we want to dig in our heels and cling to something for just a little longer.

"Beginnings and endings are simply part of a journey that isn't stopped by either."

Craig D. Lounsbrough (U.S. author and counselor)

We knew months before my dad's passing that he was terminally ill and didn't have long to live. But, even though we had time to prepare for the inevitable, his death left an empty space and severed a bond.

An ending is never just one thing. Endings are about attachment and fulfilled or unfulfilled expectations. They take away one thing and allow us to see another. They're full of uncertainty, yet also bring opportunity. And they cause us to run the gamut of emotions: grief, sadness, relief, excitement, resignation – it depends on the type of ending.

Endings Can Lead to a New Way of Being

The ending of my dad's life forced me to accept a new way of being: a life without my dad on this earth. There would be no more "silent conversations" – no longer just the two of us sitting in the lounge, both lost in our thoughts and being content with that.

It was also the end of him getting lost three streets from home (he had no sense of direction!), and the end of our in-jokes about my mom and her compulsive need to make all of us eat three square meals a day at the dining table under her watchful eye!

We marked the end of Dad's life with a ceremony that celebrated his life and mourned his passing.

And, suddenly, there were voids everywhere, bits of empty space scattered all over the house. His bedside table was no longer home to his water carafe and Bible. His reading chair under the window sat empty. After we cleared out his closet, the door closed with a sad, hollow echo.

Vacant seconds and moments were strung throughout the day like beads on a string, slivers of time that would have been filled with bits of him, his routine, and his habits. "It's three o'clock," he'd say, "isn't it time for coffee?" And then three o'clock was just that: a number on the clock that came between two and four.

An Ending, and a Beginning

But voids don't like being voids, and always become occupied again. Or maybe we don't like voids, and fill them to experience comfort and familiarity: "I've been here, I've done this, I know how it works, it's 'normal' and safe."

But, despite the morsel of familiarity it provides, filling the voids of an ending reminds me of how my new school shoes felt at the start of the year: squeaky and comfortably uncomfortable. It took time for my shoes, my feet, my gait, and the road I walked home to become comfortable and familiar.

Dad's empty bedside table, lonely reading chair, and unfinished books didn't remain like that either. They now hold the things and habits and routines of my stepdad, who respectfully navigated the voids and now fills them in a way that is unique to him. An ending, and a beginning.

Rest and Reflect

Our switchover to a new Mind Tools website last month also marked the end of an era. One of the features of the old site that we weren't able to carry over was the members' forum.

It was the space where we had conversations about things that happened at work and in our lives. Sometimes, people needed coaching, or a shoulder to cry on, or simply a non-judgmental space to vent.

We're grateful for all the wonderful conversations we had with our members. At the same time, we feel a bit sad and lost without our beloved forum, but we're excited about the Coaching Hub, a fantastic new feature that will be added in the new year.

At the end of a year, we also look back. We might mourn what we leave behind but, hopefully, we allow ourselves time to rest and reflect so that we use our energy to only carry things that will serve us well into the new year.

Situations change, they end, and new things begin. Although we celebrate change, it's normal to feel sad about endings, to be ambivalent about change, and to experience that knot-in-the-stomach excitement about new beginnings.

Endings Are Sunsets... and Sunrises

An ending is never just one thing. Endings are mourning and celebration, vulnerability and courage.

They are morning and evening, winter and spring.

Sometimes they are happiness and sadness intertwined, uncertainty and opportunity woven together.

Endings are sunsets – and sunrises too.

Endings: What They Mean to You and How to Manage Them

During our latest #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed why we fear endings, why we need them, and what opportunities they present. Here are the questions we asked, and a selection of participants' responses:

Q1. What are some of the reasons why something might need to end?

@MarkC_Avgi Something may need to end because of health (physical or mental) reasons; the need to remove oneself from a bad situation; the return on investment of time or money is not positive; just the need for a change; or for any number of reasons.

@Dwyka_Consult Toxic things must end because they don't do the world any good. Beautiful things must end because they will lose their magic if they carry on forever.

Q2. In your experience, what do we fear about endings?

@_GT_Coaching Some people may fear endings if they don't have something else planned to replace what has ended.

@garyrgruber People seem to be afraid that they may be leaving without having a fulfilled life and have unfinished business left behind.

Q3. What can happen when we fail to end something in time?

@ThiamMeka2Gogue Forcing things in a way that wreaks havoc and distress holds us back. Being overly attached to an outcome makes us so obsessed with perfection and our own timing that we end up sabotaging what really matters, which is the end result.

@Dwyka_Consult Conflict that carries on after it should have ended becomes ugly and personal. There's a time to start and a time to stop.

Q4. What have you learned by ending something too early?

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) Ending something too early can make whatever that was feel incomplete or rushed. It can leave you with a sense that something is missing or you feel unsatisfied with the final product.

@MarkC_Avgi Ending something too early may result in not achieving a goal that was just "inches" away, had we just kept trying a little longer; giving up too soon.

Q5. How do you know it's the right time to bring things to an end?

@SoniaH_MT You know it's the right time to bring things to an end when: your software no longer updates with the manufacturer; you see little progress for too much effort; or you've given your all but others coast by with the minimum.

@ColfaxInsurance (Alyx) When you get feedback from your audience indicating that they're done with that thing. Sometimes a gut feeling can tell you it's time to end something. Something just doesn't work anymore and you have to find a replacement or do something else entirely.

Q6. How can you bring a positive perspective to endings, without resorting to "toxic positivity"?

@MikeB_MT Be specific, honest, and transparent. Celebrate small victories and outcomes with specificity. What did we learn? What will we do differently next time? Some of my favorite celebrations have been for projects that may not have hit the mark but still added value.

@Midgie_MT I maintain my positive perspective by acknowledging the positives from the journey that I have shared with the person or the job. Then focus on the new beginnings, the opportunities, and the potential that might open up.

Q7. Why are endings necessary (maybe more than we realize)?

@_GT_Coaching Some endings happen out of people's control but other endings such as admitting failure on something can lead to new possibilities.

@ZalaB_MT It's the cycle of life. Nothing lasts forever. Seasons change, and so do our life and/or career. We enter into different stages of life that bring new opportunities... letting go of what no longer serves us.

Q8. How have endings created new opportunities in your career and life?

@ThiamMeka2Gogue The end of my career as a civil servant has been the beginning of my beautiful and exciting entrepreneurship journey.

@Yolande_MT Moving to a new city, a new country, ending a relationship, losing a job... all of these create voids that make you actively seek new opportunities. When you wear your "opportunity glasses," guess what you see?

Q9. What do you do to acknowledge, mark or celebrate an ending?

@greatergoodgeek It depends on the ending. If it relates to finishing a job well done, I try to reflect on the work, to get a feeling of accomplishment and celebration. And maybe enjoy a delicious treat to celebrate too!

@garyrgruber Celebrate by having great food and drinks and telling stories. OK to dance and sing, too!

Q10. In the future, how will you support yourself when experiencing an ending?

@SarahH_MT I'll continue to process endings with my head and heart as this has served me well. If I am struggling to balance these I try not to end things until I feel content with both. Trust that I will know when the time is right.

@MarkC_Avgi I will support myself in the same manner as I did through so many endings throughout my career. As the famous line in the song goes, "I will survive!"

To read all the tweets, see the Wakelet collection of this chat.

Coming Up in Our Next #MTtalk on January 6

#MTtalk is taking a break over Christmas and New Year, but we'll be back on Friday, January 6.

Beginnings and endings influence your everyday activities and your longer-term goals. In our next Twitter chat, we'll be discussing the importance of balancing your goals with reality when setting your objectives for 2023. In our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know how you approach planning your life.

Useful Resources for Exploring Endings

If you found the questions and responses interesting and would like to delve into Mind Tools resources that could help you to explore the subject of endings, we recommend the following reading list. (Please note that you may need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)

Rebooting Your Career

Making the Most of a Career Break

Dealing With Guilt

How to Deal With Anxiety

A Happy Ending

Into the Deep End

Career Setbacks

Delivering Bad News

The Road to Resilience Infographic

Working Through Grief

Managing Post-Traumatic Growth

The post Endings: What They Mean to You and How to Manage Them – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.